“What difference does it make? This is why I don’t stay here, Jana. I’m trying to protect you!”
She shook her head, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and stood, completely unashamed of her nudity. Even as anger and terror seared the blood in my veins, I couldn’t help but appreciate her form. Short with curves for days, she was a gorgeous woman, but the sight of those dusky raspberry nipples made my mouth water. And I knew I needed to leave. “Bullshit. You’re trying to protect yourself, Max. I can’t do anything but accept it.”
Suddenly her anger and frustration were gone. Worry still darkened her deep brown eyes but her shoulders fell as though she was giving up. “That’s all I’m asking you to do, dammit.”
She gave a short nod, looking like a wounded damn puppy as she slipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. I should’ve waited for her to come out so we could discuss this like adults, but I couldn’t. Thoughts of how close I’d come to genuinely hurting her had me quickly dressing and rushing through the front door without a look back.
I hopped on my bike and went home, calling Dr. Singh to see if he could fit me in for an emergency session. I needed space to figure my shit out, so I packed a bag, hopped on my bike and drove until my eyes were too heavy to keep going.
I woke up a few hours later and did it all over again.
Chapter 14
Jana
After spending the day doing quarterly reports for several clients, I snuck in a quick workout and then got busy on the dinner I wanted to cook for Max. After radio silence for a full week, he’d finally called to say he wanted to talk and though I was upset that he’d vanished after the weirdest morning of my life, I agreed that we needed to talk. I’d gotten fresh seafood from the market so I decided to mix it up with paella and grilled sardines with a Greek salad. It wasn’t fancy but it was hearty and I was starving. And if this thing went sideways, I’d have lots of food to feed a broken heart.
As I got dressed though, I couldn’t help but think about my conversation with Teddy. I knew that time was running out and I would have to say something to Max. My hands shook at the idea of things ending between us. I didn’t want that to happen, but something had to change.
When Max rang the bell, I pulled it open with a smile, only to be met with a half-smile, half-scowl and a half-hearted greeting. “Hey,” I finally said as all the anticipation inside of me deflated. It became clear as I poured the Sangria that this night wasn’t going to go the way I thought it would. I cranked the heat from a low simmer to a straight up boil to speed things along. “Ready to eat?”
“I could eat.” His voice was blanked of all emotion, like a robot had replaced the man I thought I knew.
Something was definitely going on and if I were a betting woman, I’d say it had something to do with me. Or more accurately, with us. I felt the air shift when he came into the kitchen, but I didn’t turn, instead listening as he pulled out a chair and dropped down into it. “How are you, Max?”
“I’m fine, Jana. You?”
I sighed and gave a mumbled, “Fine.” I was a woman who knew when to cut her losses and tonight counted as a lost fucking cause. When the food was ready, I plated it up and left the sardines on a large plate because there was no way in hell I would sit through a painfully silent meal I’d spent the better part of an hour preparing. “Let’s eat and watch a movie I told him,” taking the sardines, napkins and flatware into the living room without waiting for an answer.
Max said nothing, just grabbed the glasses along with the rest of the sangria and took a seat on the middle cushion of the sofa.
With a big sigh, I found a shoot’em up movi
e on Netflix and put it on, getting lost in my own thoughts as I ate. Gunshots provided the perfect soundtrack for my tumultuous thoughts, which were mostly centered on the man beside me. Clearly Max hadn’t been sleeping well because each time I saw him, the dark circles under his eyes were a darker shade of purple. Today they were practically black, yet he said nothing.
“You want more?”
I looked at him holding the sardines and shook my head. “All yours.” By the time the movie was over, my hunger wasn’t sated and all the excitement and anticipation I’d built up at seeing Max again had vanished. Tonight, I actually wanted him to go home. Now. “Are you staying here tonight?”
I knew before he even answered, based on the tense set of his shoulders and the way his jaw clenched. And based on the past month or more of experience. “Nah, I have to be up early tomorrow for some stuff.”
Stuff. Right. I stood and grabbed the plates, stacking them and taking them to the kitchen. I returned for the rest, leaving my own glass and pitcher right where it was, because I had a feeling I’d finish it off before bed. Max hadn’t moved so I decided against using the dishwasher, instead filling the sink with hot soapy water and plunging my hands deep into it. There weren’t many to do but I took my time, trying to get my anger and frustration under control. Exploding at Max would do nothing to solve this issue between us, never mind what his other issue was today.
“What are you doing in here?”
“The dishes.”
“Why?”
I sighed and turned. “Who else is going to do them, Max? I live alone.”
“I’m leaving.”
“I heard you the first time.”
He sighed. The sound of his footsteps grew closer until the heat of his body began to envelop mine. “What is this, Jana?”
“Nothing. Look, you said you have to be up early so you should probably get going. Do you need coffee to make sure you’re okay to drive?”