“Come on, they can’t—”
“They are worse,” she said seriously. “Because they are much better at being underhanded than they were as teenagers. I grew up with these people. You know how some families have a black sheep? Well, I was the black sheep of my whole preppy high school. I didn’t care about all the stuff they did, and for some reason, that made me the weird one. Whatever. I survived. But now, it’s like every time I buy store-bought cookies, I’m a bad mom. I don’t spend an extra hour curling my daughter’s hair, I’m a bad mom. Which hurts to hear. But what hurts more is that she’s now a reflection of me. She’s the black sheep’s daughter, and I don’t want her to just survive. I want her to have a good time and thrive in school.”
She put her hands on her head, and I handed her another cookie, which made her laugh and sniffle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s okay.” I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to tell me why she seemed so down. “Truth be told, this whole becoming a mother thing…”
“Is scary,” she finished.
I nodded. “Levi and I were talking about it when I worked the Rita Gibbs case.”
“The lady who killed her kid—”
“Accidentally,” I cut in, and I wished I didn’t, because I felt like Levi now.
“You won, right?”
I frowned. “No one won. I mean, she doesn’t go to prison, but she still lost her kid. On top of all the other stuff that has happened to her. I mean, she was twenty. Her parents kicked her out for running off with the bastard that eventually left her. She had no money and could barely produce any milk, how was she supposed to know she shouldn’t give her infant water sometimes? I didn’t know water was deadly to infants did you?”
She shook her head no. “I barely knew how my vagina worked when I was twenty, let alone anything about kids.”
“Exactly.” Which was why her case, though I won, still made me teary eyed. “She wanted her kid. She loved her kid. It was accident and it was…it was just sad. When you’re a mother, one wrong can equal disaster.”
“And everyone is judgy. I saw all the girls at Bellamy’s school wearing this cute petticoat that came in all different colors. So, I went to buy it for her, and it cost over a grand. A thousand dollars for a four-year-old’s jacket. I knew it was ridiculous. I knew she’d outgrow it and I’d be throwing away that money, but I felt so bad, I gave in and bought it. And guess what?”
“It didn’t fit?”
She shook her head. “The girls started to wear a new coat. I was so pissed. I’m sure one of their moms did it on purpose.”
“You really don’t want to move another school?” The pressure was ridiculous.
She exhaled deeply. “My mom is on the board of Paramount Hills; Levi and I went there, and it’s a good school. Plus, we do get a huge legacy discount, so it’s much cheaper than sending her to another private school. One time I joked about sending her to public school and Tristan was pissed saying why do I work so hard if my daughter can’t go to the best school blah blah blah.”
I laughed at her. If you met both Levi and Bethan you’d never realize they came from such rich families. They were so down to earth and I guess that was because of their parents…well mostly Denise. She’d been a stay-at-home mother. But before that, Levi had told me that since she was a dancer, she’d gotten to meet so many people from diverse backgrounds that she understood how lucky she was. The one story he’d shared was how she had lost a recital to this girl with Mexican heritage. She was obviously disappointed until she saw the girls ballet shoes, which were so old and worn out they were almost falling apart. She’d asked the girl about it and apparently she couldn’t afford a new pair, but with the prize money, she finally could. It had left such an impression on her that she made sure to let Levi and Bethan un
derstand how blessed they were.
“Thea?” Bethan asked.
“I was just thinking … your parents really succeeded with you both.” I wiped my hands and waddled around the counter to the gray loveseat, and my back pillow.
“They did, didn’t they?” She sighed, and walked to the couch, allowing herself to fall onto it. Turning to me, she smiled softly. “Thank you for baking for me; I really did learn a lot.”
“No problem. Just promise, when I’m having a Mommy Freak Out Moment in the future, you’ll come to talk me off the ledge.”
She laughed. “Deal, but I can tell you’ll do great.”
“How?”
“You remind me of my mom.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, seeing as how I’m screwing her son.”
“Ahh…” She groaned, rolling over, covered her face with her hands. “I take it back … don’t give me mental pictures.”
“Sorry. Sorry.”
Calming down, she looked up at the ceiling. “What I meant, is you’re kind, and smart, and you can fit in no matter what’s going on around you; you make it easy, too. At the last New Year’s Eve party, seeing you and Levi, it was like watching my parents again. Totally lovely and regal-like.”