She
didn’t look back when she got on the plane.
I stood there watching as they ripped her ticket stub. I wanted to get on that plane with her. But her wish had stopped me. And so I just stood there.
“This is the final boarding call for Flight 2331 to New York. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately five minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for Flight 2331. Thank you.” The attendant called at the gate but I just sat there and stared out the window at the plane.
“Sir? Sir, this is your flight, isn’t it?” she asked.
“No.” Rising, I moved from the chairs to the window. I was hoping I’d see her again, but knowing I wouldn’t, I did my best to accept that. Turning around, I walked away from it all.
In the end…I hadn’t been able to do anything for the either of them. Walking into the bathroom I entered the stall, closed the door, and pushed against the walls until my knuckles were red and I sobbed. Just like that…Alfred was gone…and I wasn’t able to do anything for her.
I’m pathetic.
14. TATTERDEMALION SOULS
ESTHER
“Esther, do you need food?” Li-Mei knocked.
But I couldn’t reply.
“Esther, hey, it’s me, Howard. I brought some lobster soup, you want some?”
I wanted my grandfather.
“Esther…I’m sorry,” Li-Mei said still knocking. I thought she meant sorry for my grandfather, what she meant was sorry for my door.
“Ah! What the bloody hell is this thing made of?” Someone who sounded like Rafi yelled as he kicked the door.
“Esther?! Esther, if you’re alright—”
Closing my eyes, I drowned them out. They all kept calling but I just laid on my grandfather’s bed, hoping, praying, and dreaming of anything but this.
MALACHI
My house was cold.
The simple reason for this was the fact that I’d left the door open and snow had gotten inside.
The more complex reason was internal: I was alone. I was unable to help her, unable to do the one thing Alfred had asked of me. And now both of them were gone. I saw her journal. It and the remote control whose batteries had popped out sat on the wooden floorboards behind the couch. Picking up the journal, I read her list. She’d only made it to thirteen. Thirteen happy memories before…before she was gone.
“A promise is a promise,” I whispered to myself as I tore out the page. I folded the note and stuck it into my back pocket. She was a Noëlle and if there was anyone in this world I was in debt to, it was the Noëlles.
One day.
I didn’t know how far that day was from now, but one day I’d grant her everything she’d asked for and more.
“If you’re listening.” I looked up to the ceiling. “Let me, at the very least, keep my promise in this life.”
ESTHER
A man I didn’t know, make that just another one of the many people I didn’t know, walked up to the podium which was covered in white and red tulips. Dressed in black like the rest of us, he cleared throat a few times before addressing the whole church, my grandfather’s church.
“Alfred Benjamin Noëlle,” the man spoke, “was the type of man who made you feel small. He didn’t mean to. I don’t even think he noticed he was doing it…but just by being authentically himself, in all his greatness, he made all those around him want to grow and keep striving. He showed us there was no limit to our…”
I didn’t want to hear him.