“I’m sure she’s the reason why he went ahead. He wanted to make sure she couldn’t leave you.” As she spoke the tears fell out of her eyes even though she kept the smile on her face.
I completely broke down in front of her and I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks and over my mouth. The pain—this pain, her pain, all of it—battered me at once. “I’m sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry.” She hugged me.
“How? I don’t…We were supposed to have dinner on Thanksgiving?”
“He was old. We are old, Malachi. The day trips, keeping his memories, he fought for a long time, and we knew it was coming, which is why I wanted one last Thanksgiving. He loved you both especially. It happened seven days ago, the day after Thanksgiving. I didn’t want to add to your worries. And I couldn’t… I wasn’t ready to see anyone. But now that I know, I’m glad. We won’t have to worry about Esther. When old people die it’s bittersweet, when young people die it’s a tragedy. And if there is anything Kosuke Yamauchi hated, it was tragedy.”
Wiping my cheeks, I inhaled deeply and, as I looked back at her, I tried to stand tall even though I felt so weak and small. Releasing Esther’s hand, for I knew if she were awake she’d strangle me if I didn’t, I turned to Kikuko and bowed again as I gave my condolences. “Goshusho-sama desu.”
“Remember, Malachi, the secret to a long life is loving to live, knowing suffering for the sake of love isn’t suffering, and finding joy in that. She’ll come back.” She turned from me and moved to Esther. Placing her hand over Esther’s forehead she said, “Oshaberi, I’m still waiting for my book.”
The corner of my mouth turned up at that. “She finished it—”
“I’m not reading it until she wakes up,” she said sternly.
I nodded and moved the chair for her to sit down. When I looked up, I found that her daughter was already gone and in her place a lunch basket sat on the chair by the door.
“Maya’s shy and heartbroken. She’ll come around, I’ll make sure of it. She’s brought you food,” Kikuko said cheerfully lifting a basket. “Let’s eat. Maybe that will get her up.”
Nodding, I walked over and picked up the basket and was shocked at how heavy it was. When I brought over to her, she unpacked it and displayed everything in front of Esther. Then she paused, waiting to see if it would actually wake her up. For the second time in over a week I felt like smiling. She reminded me of Esther…
She’s right here.
I looked at her again.
“Have the doctors said anything?” she asked gently as she handed me a pair of chopsticks.
“They don’t know why she’s like this.” I had a feeling her body was ill. Since she’d fallen through the ice, I hadn’t gotten a single memory again and my headache was gone. It was just like those moments when she’d died before me. How nothing hurt anymore, how there was just numbness, and then darkness, and then I’d recall that moment from a new life, in a new place, with a new name.
“Don’t lose hope,” she whispered as she placed her hand over mine.
“Thank you for—”
“I hope you aren’t about to thank me for coming.” She frowned at me and I didn’t say anything in response. “Do you know she sent gifts and cards to everyone last Christmas? Her grandfather had died a little over a month before and she still took the time to show everyone she cared. She called on birthdays, she remembers everyone’s names. She’s family to a lot of people. You can tell that just by looking around the room.”
I hadn’t done that before. I hadn’t looked around the hospital room we’d been staying in until she’d said so. It was only then that I noticed the numerous flowers, cards, bears and balloons that were occupying the space around us.
“You don’t thank family for support. That’s what they do,” she reminded me.
She was right. Esther and I considered each other family, but the truth was we’d met so many people—well, I’d met so many people through her—they had become a part of our lives. Throughout all our lives people seemed to almost always get in the way of us. They made it harder for us. Which was one of the reasons I tried to not get involved, to not bother myself with others, and Esther, even now, even knowing the fate that hung over our heads, still dove right in to help someone else. I wanted to be angry, but I kept hearing her begging for forgiveness in the back of my mind. She shouldn’t have. Maybe she was a little mad at herself for doing it too, but that was her nature. That was who she was and it was why I’ve always loved her.
“Then thank you for the food,” I whispered to Kikuko before stuffing my mouth full of rice, not really chewing but hoping at least for one moment that I could stuff the pain back down.
“Careful!” She poured me water and I coughed and wept and ate anyway.
25. SLEEPING BEAUTY AND THE MANY BEASTS
MALACHI
DAY SEVENTEEN
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.