It took a while to find the clues I’d missed in the word search, initially only locating things I wanted to see like “baby girl”, “daddy”, “mine”, “meant to be,” “I get you”, and others, until I found things like “suspicion is debt”, “check the LLC registration”, “international wire transfers”, and a few other phrases that blew the lid off this thing.
And James’ hunches were exactly right. The judge in his initial case, who strangely still ruled over his parole hearings despite that not usually being the case, had been deep in d
ebt all those years ago. The vacation home in the mountains, where James had sometimes slept out front, belonged to her family, although it was wrapped up in a New Mexico LLC, one of the most tight-lipped jurisdictions in the world when it comes to privacy.
It seems the family’s plan was to collect the insurance money and pay off their debts. Well, they did that, and ‘lucky’ for them they had the perfect scapegoat for the fire. James.
But they got sloppy, taking the amounts from the two insurance settlements they received and wiring them to overseas shell companies which then came back in the exact same amounts to pay off large creditors.
And sure enough, as soon as those creditors were paid off, the judge made her way up the ranks, and her first order of business seemed to be to keep James locked up where he couldn’t do any research that might uncover the truth.
But like most people in life, she underestimated me. Granted, she doesn’t even know I exist, and still doesn’t, nor does she or anyone need to…except him.
And the picture of him walking out of the jail this morning, which appears to have been taken via a long lens and unbeknownst to his knowledge, is all over the news this morning. I do find it strange that nobody interviewed him, but then again I don’t care. All I care about is he’s free, and I need to find a way to get ahold of him now…which isn’t going to be easy.
And when I do see him, because it’s no longer a matter of if, but when, I’m going to throw myself into my Daddy’s arms. He looks almost exactly like I thought he would, and despite having been incarcerated for so long he’s aged incredibly well. I make a mental note to myself that I have no excuses to ever not exercise if this man’s body is clearly still a temple after being locked down for so long inside what amounts to little more than the size of half of the standard family garage.
And the day is even better because I got an “A” on my final psychology project. And I didn’t even use James’ letters for information. It felt too personal to write about him, and instead, I simply went to a local jail in the last couple of weeks and interviewed both inmates and police officers, trying to see things from competing points of view. I will say it’s amazing what cognitive bias can lead one to think, and right now I’m giving James the ultimate halo effect. Now that he’s innocent all I can think about are these guilty thoughts about how I want to do naughty things with this amazing man…if he wants the same with me.
The last thing I’m going to do is try and track him down in a way that asks him to thank me for what I did. That’s not it at all. I’m very sensitive to the fact that I don’t want this to feel like I’m asking for a thank you. If anything I’m the one who feels amazed about all this. He’s given my life more of a purpose than going to college and studying something I’m not interested in ever could. He showed me to always bet on yourself, no matter what anyone thinks about you, and I can certainly relate to that.
Having been misunderstood my whole life all I want is for someone who I love to ‘get me.’ And I’m more than ready for him to come and do exactly that, and to take me away from here, even if he, and I, have no money.
No amount of money in the world can make me happy. Happiness comes from within, and I’ve only felt that coming from me when I’m thinking of him.
The only question is, will he come for me?
Because if he doesn’t, I know the letdown is going to be catastrophic.
I close my eyes. “Dear Daddy,” I say softly under my breath. “Come for your princess and make her your queen.”
12
James
I expected to perform manual labor like washing dishes in a diner in exchange for food or maybe even chopping wood for an hour or two in trade for a ride or a meal, but instead I’ve found out just how much the world has changed thanks to the Internet…and how people are still genuinely and generally good.
The whole Internet thing is still new to me, which makes people laugh when I say that after they tell me they saw my picture online and read my story…and they want to help.
It’s taken less than half a day to get from San Quentin to Josi’s hometown. And my luck didn’t run out when I went to check into a hotel nor when I went to the store to try and buy the cheapest suit I could with the limited money I’d received from strangers.
The outpouring of support has been overwhelming, and somehow I’m not even sad or unhappy or even revengeful about having lost so many years of my life…because those years wouldn’t have mattered anyway because they would have been spent without her.
Josi, the girl who I’m literally minutes away from right now.
I want to go to her house right now and just hold her, thank her, and make love to her. But I need to get ahold of myself first, not to mention I can’t just show up like that. Until my record is expunged I’m still a felon, and her parents might not react so well to a big man showing up on their front steps.
But tomorrow is a new day, and I’ll be ready. Tomorrow I’m not holding back. Tomorrow I’ll have gotten at least some sleep, although I’m wide awake now, full of adrenaline knowing I’ve come so close. Knowing my journey not just today, but in life, has brought me to my woman.
And starting tomorrow I’m going to show her exactly what that means. And not just her. The world.
13
James
I’m up before my wake-up call from the front desk, having barely slept last night after not sleeping at all the night before. Even at forty years old I feel as completely full of energy and ready to go…because today’s the day.
Walking the short distance to Josi’s high school, the only one in town so it has to be hers, I’m practically speed walking by the time I get there. I try and will myself to slow down so I’m not sweaty, reminding myself there’s no award for getting there early not to mention I’m not going to be able to see her early.