“Don’t worry about it. Let them think what they want,” Shawn rasps, his face in my hair, arm drawing me even closer to him, loaning me his strength.
But if I let them think what they want, what do I do when this weekend is over, and I go back to being just another single lady? What will everyone think when he disappears? Ugh. Why hadn’t I considered this little piece of the puzzle before? Crap.
I try to put it out of my head. This weekend was only ever supposed to be that. Just one weekend. One fake-out. A means to an end. A way for me to hide my lonely existence from everyone who thinks my single status is somehow their business. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe normally.
Soft music begins to play, distracting me, and we watch as the wedding processional begins. Chuck and his groomsmen have appeared at the front of the church, and one by one, each bridesmaid glides down the aisle in the most gorgeous rose-colored dresses I’ve ever seen. The cutest little flower girl and ring bearer skip their way down the aisle, and their antics are so sweet, I hope for the bride’s sake someone is getting them on video so she can watch later.
Shawn’s attention seems to be split. He has one eye on everyone going down the aisle and the other on me. I hope it’s not showing on my face, how all of this is making me feel, because I’m so in my head my mind is wandering to all sorts of places it has no right to go.
We rise at the cue from the music change, and I wistfully watch as Chuck’s beautiful bride walks past us down the aisle on her father’s arm.
I seriously have a love/hate relationship with weddings. I love to see people happy, but hate that it feels like it will never be me. My breath hitches and tears form in my eyes, blurring my vision. Stupid Chase. I’d thought it was going to be him. I was such an idiot to think he’d want me forever. If he cheated on me once, though, he’d do it again, so there’s no way I was going to stick around for that. In fact, I’m proud that I didn’t because there was a part of me that wanted to stay in the relationship just to have someone to call my own.
Somehow sensing my shift in mood, Shawn gathers me close.
Now, Shawn? Everything about him that I’ve learned this weekend confuses me. It seems like he’s not who I thought he was. Maybe it’s naive of me to think so. Maybe I just want it to be true because of the way I feel when I’m with him. The way his protective arm winds around me, the way his hand on my waist sends little sparks through my whole body, it makes my heart wish for things it probably shouldn’t.
I lean into Shawn as the new husband and wife rush up the aisle, hand in hand, matching grins on their faces. That. That’s what I want. Right there.
Our turn to leave the church comes quickly, and Shawn presses a sweet kiss to my temple, just like he’d mentioned he would. Softly, he says, “Come on, let’s go show everyone what a good fake boyfriend you have.”
Right. Let’s keep hammering that reminder into my head since I seem to keep forgetting. This is all fake. This isn’t real. Oh my God, what a royally awful mess I’ve made for myself.
I know now—I have real feelings for my fake boyfriend.
Crap.
Back in the car, I turn my phone back on to find there are a ton of messages in the group text from this morning.
Hadleigh: Tell us more about last night with lover boy.
Piper: Had, don’t do that to her. It’s fake, remember?
Hadleigh: Madi, girl, you know I’m joking, right?
Zoey: I just hope she’s enjoying herself and not getting too stressed out over it.
Quinn: Hmm. Do you know our friend?
Zoey: Well, I do, but I just hope she’s having fun with it.
Sophia: We may not have heard from Madi since this morning, but Heath heard from Shawn.
That piques my interest. I bite my lip and steal a look across the truck’s cab at him. Should I ask? Ah, I can’t. At least, I can’t ask him.
Me: You guys have heard from Shawn?
Sophia: There she is! And yes. He texted Heath right before you went to the wedding. Said you looked gorgeous.
Sophia: He also mentioned you all had just “chilled” in the room last night.
Quinn: Is that what they are calling it these days?
Hadleigh: Quinn! That’s my line.
I suppress a smile. I love that we can all talk like this. It’s been a long time since I had girlfriends. There were a few other people I’d hang out with, but no one I counted on nearly as much as I’ve come to rely on these women. We’re so much more than coworkers now that the job is almost an afterthought.
Shawn side-eyes me with a careful smile. “Chatting with someone?”