“In simple terms, and in regard to sex, yes,” he explained as gently as he could, seeing from her pinched expression that the idea didn’t thrill her. “But it’s much more complicated than just bossing women around. At first I enjoyed kinky sex because it’s what I gravitated to, but the BDSM lifestyle, as I learned from going to my first BDSM club, gives me stability. It’s not only the sex, but the act of being in control and caring about people.”
Chloe hesitated, eyes pinched. “In my job catching cheating spouses, I’ve seen all types of BDSM. So what kind of kinky are we talking here? Dog collars? Humiliating women? Cages? Sex slaves? Licking feet?”
Sawyer fought not to smile but lost. “Unless you like your feet licked, then no, that’s not my particular flavor.” He hesitated, considering how best to explain his world to a vanilla woman. “Think more in terms of bondage, flogging, and spanking. What I enjoy is an erotic and lighter form of BDSM.”
Another short pause endured, with her intent eyes on him, before she asked, “Do you still go to a club to experience this?”
He glanced at the cat, which wouldn’t leave him alone, and began petting the top of Mr. Magoo’s head. “I have been a member of a club since I left the military.”
“Why?”
He liked that she asked questions to understand, rather than simply agree or judge. “Because it gave me something I needed at that time in my life.” He put the cat on the floor again, trying to focus on Chloe. “I gained a sense of a family that comes from being around other Dominants, people who truly understand me. A place where there is order, and where my orders are followed.” Sawyer picked up the cat and put him down on the floor, closer to Chloe. “The sex and the BDSM play was simply a happy thing that I desperately needed at that time. Honestly, I needed to find joy again, and that’s how I found it.”
Chloe smirked. “Easy way to find it, I suppose.”
He smiled with her. “Indeed.” His smile faded away as he added, “But what I needed more was a place where the structure is much like the military. When I returned to civilian life and didn’t have that structure, my sense of purpose fled. Instead, a deep-rooted anger built because I lacked that control and discipline I’d once had in my life.”
Mr. Magoo turned to make his way back to Sawyer, but Chloe snatched him up, kissed his head, and began scratching under his chin. “I hear transitioning from war is hard on people, so I guess what you’re saying makes sense. And it’s good you had that”—her cheeks flushed deeper, eyes looking down toward the cat—“to bring you back from a dark place in your life.”
Sawyer heard the cat purring from where he sat. He also understood the cat’s happiness. If Chloe were to stroke him, he’d be purring, too. Silence descended upon them. Sawyer watched Chloe absently petting her cat and nibbling her lip, deep in thought. His stomach clenched in anticipation, just as it had earlier when he knew this conversation needed to happen.
Tonight at the hospital, when he’d seen Chloe hugging his sister, he’d realized this wasn’t just sex. It wouldn’t ever be. He liked Chloe. Every single thing about her pleased him, and he wanted to get to know her better. But to do that, she needed to know him. Truth was, she might not accept his sexual preferences. One thing he’d learned from his past was that he couldn’t change himself. He needed to be Dominant at times in his life to keep centered.
The cat’s purring deepened, and Sawyer couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Please tell me what you are thinking.”
Chloe lifted her head, eyes crinkled at the corners. “To be honest, I’m surprised. Here I thought you were Mr. Goody Two-shoes.” She gave a sweet smile. “I guess I had you pegged all wrong.”
Sawyer barked a laugh. Her responses always shocked him, and he loved that about her. “I don’t play by all the rules, no.”
“Well, apparently you only play by the rules you like to make,” she mused.
He inclined his head in full agreement. “Probably very true.”
She regarded him for a moment. Her cheeks burned with that bright color he found both amusing and arousing. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I like you.” He noticed how she squirmed a little, but Sawyer kept his eyes on her, gauging her response. “I’d like to get to know you better, if that’s all right with you. And to know you, you need to know me, because this side of me comes with it.”
“I’m not sure…Well, I mean…I’ve never…Okay, if we’re being honest here, I’ve only been with Josh, and he doesn’t do kink.”
Sawyer didn’t even try to hide his chuckle, but truly, no answer had ever pleased him more. He liked, more than he expected, that Chloe had only one lover in her past. And that Josh wasn’t skilled in the art of sex. “Well then, that leaves you with a choice, doesn’t it?” Her mouth parted, just enough for Sawyer to hear the hitch of her breath. “So tell me, Chloe, what woman do you want to be: an inhibited one, or a woman ready to explore?”
She gulped. “I…know that I don’t want to be boring.”
“Good.” That he could work with.
Her hair fell perfectly over one shoulder, blanketing her breast, as she kissed the top of the cat’s head. “But in the name of being honest, I’m not sure what it is that you’re asking of me.”
“I’m not asking anything of you.” Not yet, anyway.
She frowned. “Then why are you telling me this?”
“Because you’ve told me a lot about you. I think it’s only fair that I share everything about myself, too.”
Mr. Magoo meowed at being ignored, and Chloe glanced at the cat and petted him. “Do you want me to go to a club with you? Is that where this conversation is going?”
“No, Chloe.” Which, oddly, surprised him. Kyler had brought a vanilla girl into the BDSM lifestyle and married her, but Sawyer didn’t want that with Chloe. Not right now, anyway. “A BDSM club is the last place I’d take you.”
She snorted, brows shooting up. “Oh, really? And why is that?”