Ryder never crosses that personal and professional line. Not a single time that I can recall. Now that he is, I’m stumbling to keep up. I want to say, Because you reject me time and time again and it’s slowly killing me. But with his fierce stare on me, it takes all of my strength to say, “No.”
One brow arches. “No?”
“That’s right, no.” I hold my ground.
Just as Ryder has created boundaries he won’t cross, so have I. My emotions are mine. Unless he gives me more, I won’t give him anything more of mys
elf either. It’s a game I can’t lose. If I do, I lose him, or I lose myself.
Realizing that I won’t back down, he finally breaks our stare-down and shakes his head in blatant frustration. “What is your objection to answering me?”
Perhaps I’m exhausted from all I’ve been through in the last twenty-four hours. Maybe I’m even tired of the same game Ryder and I play over and over again. But I can’t hold back the frustration in my voice. “My objection is that my actions are really none of your business.”
His eyes slowly narrow. “You. Are. None. Of. My. Business?”
I realize instantly I’ve hit a nerve, and a lesser woman might back away from all that broody masculinity. But there’s a catch here. I know this guy in front of me. I oddly understand Ryder in ways that don’t even make sense to me. And that’s why I know I can’t give him more of me without asking for more of him in return. Because if I did, he not only wouldn’t respect me, but he could also very easily hurt me. “Yes, what I do in my personal life is none of your business,” I tell him, turning away and placing my purse down on the end table. “Just like your personal life is none of my business. You made it that way, not me.”
I hear the creak of the wood floor beneath his feet as he approaches. Then I’m shockingly in his arms and he’s turning me toward him. I can barely catch my breath as I finally feel his sizzling touch. His eyes are stern, serious, as is his voice. “Is this the game we’re playing now?”
“I’m not playing a game,” I tell him quite seriously, caught in the heat burning between us. It’s addictive, and I sense my body flush under the promise of his strong hold. “I’ve never played a game with you. I’ve always been straightforward. You know exactly how I feel. If anyone has been playing a game, it’s you.”
I see the effect of my words ripple across Ryder’s expression. He usually has such a poker face, showing me nothing. Not now. The intensity in his eyes is something beyond emotion, it’s magic, because it’s what Ryder looks like without barriers. “No secrets. Not anymore. Is that a promise we can make to each other?”
“It’s a promise that I can make,” I barely whisper. “It’s a promise that I’ve offered you many times.”
The emotion filling his eyes trips my heart, but when he says, “I own Impulse,” I’m damn sure my heart stops beating for a few seconds.
I attempt to come to terms with what he’s told me and fail miserably. “Okay, I’m not sure if I’m more shocked that you told me something personal about yourself or that you own a sex club.”
He chuckles. “I’m sure both are equally shocking, but nonetheless it’s true.” He hasn’t stepped back, the heat of his body blazing against mine when he adds, “I’ve owned the club since the day it opened. No one knows about it except a few trusted people.”
There’s a lot to be talked about here, I’m sure of that, but I’m curious about the obvious questions. “Are you a Dominant?”
“I enjoy…” he pauses, clearly choosing his words carefully, “…an active sex life, and women who attend these particular clubs have let me live out my fantasies.” He stares down at me, and my chest is lifting and falling rapidly. This is the first time I’m seeing Ryder with his shields down and that openness is like a drug I want again and again. His voice remains steady as he continues, “That’s why I created the club, so that I could meet women under my terms, because I’m a private man and because I offer security to those who would be affected by my sex scandal if it ever got out.”
I lick my lips imagining his particular brand of sex, watching the way his gaze follows the glide of my tongue, and manage, “Are you…are you with anyone now?”
He shakes his head. “Not recently, no. My eyes have been elsewhere.”
And those eyes are right on me.
He doesn’t need to say more. I know exactly why he hasn’t been with anyone else. Because of me. And now I see something I never did before. I see, maybe in all of the confusion, with the video and everything else, he’s wondering how I could be with other men. Because as much as I’ve known something special lay between Ryder and me, I’m realizing that he did, too. And maybe, just maybe, he’s been fighting this thing between us harder than I knew.
I can’t help but wonder if this is our chance. He gave me what I wanted…something more. Now it’s my turn.
“You want to know the truth about me?” I ask softly, stepping away from him, knowing I need to sit down for what’s ahead of me.
I move to the couch and take a seat, and as he joins me, he states, “Please enlighten me.”
Feeling safe, as I always do around Ryder, my eyes shut and I allow my mind to go to a place it hasn’t gone in a very long time.
School ended a week ago and freedom came with it. I grasp my hair in one hand, fighting off the wind blowing through the convertible, singing along to the *NSYNC song blasting through the car’s speakers and drumming my fingers against the steering wheel. Tori’s hands are high in the air as she sits in the passenger seat, belting out the song just a bit louder than Vicky in the back seat.
When the boys sing the final lyric, Tori turns down the music and smiles at me, her long brown hair, which I wish was mine, a total mess that somehow only makes her look prettier. “Okay, it’s time to spill. Did Jimmy ask you to the dance?” Her eyes are bright, like they usually are when she’s deep into gossip.
“Nope.” I pull up to the stop sign and look both ways before continuing down the country road on our way to the drive-in movie theater.
From the back seat Vicky leans between the seats and states, “Oh, he is so gonna ask.”