Darius’s hard and deep eyes are locked on mine, and he’s thinking about something, slowly peeling back all the layers of me until he finds whatever he’s looking for. “This guy, Taylor…he was lucky to have you in his life.” I note the way his jaw clenches before he adds, “I was lucky to have you.”
My heart swells so much, I swear it could explode out of my chest. It’s when he says things like this that I’m reminded how rare these moments truly are. I stare at him, feeling like five years have gone by in a blur. It’s like I never left and moved away. It’s like he never ended things, filling my life with passion and intensity, always there to protect me. It’s like he never hurt me, never let me walk away.
A firm tap on my nose drags me from my thoughts, and Darius’s soft smile greets me. “Oh, now that’s the look you give when you’re thinking too hard.”
I’m thinking about you…about us…about my life on repeat…echoes in my head.
Maybe now that I’m reminded of how I deal with my pain, or don’t deal with it, I realize I’m right back to where I always go. Me loving him. Him loving me. And yet…that’s never enough. Because I know, and I can see in the shadows of his eyes that he realizes it, too, that soon something will tear us apart. Something will happen where Darius will shut me out, and where I will decide that I need more than he’s giving me. Because as much as we do this so well, we hurt each other just as well.
Because that’s our thing. Somehow that’s our reality. Our fucked up fate.
His brows draw together tight at the emotion he sees crossing my face. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I swallow my emotions and turn my head, kissing his thumb. “I’m okay.” That’s a lie. I’m not okay. My heart is breaking, because I don’t understand how a man can make me feel so much good and ultimately also destroy me.
Chapter 14
Darius
A knock on the door drags me out of bed. I take a quick look at Taylor, sleeping soundly beneath the sheets, jealous that I can’t blanket her with my body instead of the goddamn fabric. She lies like a sleeping beauty, awaiting my kiss to wake her.
When another knock comes at the door, I break away and grab a pair of black workout pants and a T-shirt from the bag my driver delivered to me a couple hours ago upon my request. I quickly yank on my pants and then flick on the hallway light on my way out the bedroom door.
As I pass through the hallway, lined with landscape photography on the walls, I toss the light blue T-shirt over my head. The third knock sounds urgent, and I whisk the door open as I settle the T-shirt into place against my abs, when I see Allie’s wide eyes examine me from head to toe.
One second later, my sweet little sister glares at me. “What in the hell are you—”
“There’s no time for that,” Micah cuts her off, eyes intent on me. “Can we come in?”
“Yes, of course.” I open the door wider, allowing Micah to step through. I smile at Allie’s glare as she follows. Yes, I care deeply for her, but she is still my baby sister. What I do or don’t do with her best friend is not up for discussion or debate.
Allie stomps her way into the living room, then turns back to me, arms folded. “Where is Taylor?”
“I’m here.”
We all turn toward the sleepy voice as Taylor enters from the hallway, tying the belt of her white robe into a knot. I grin at her messy hair and flushed cheeks. She looks well fucked, and I happen to like that particular look on her.
I shut the front door and face Allie to find her glare is now a full-on scowl. I’m used to such a reaction, so I let the look roll off me. Allie never liked my dating Taylor, but she tolerated it because she loves us both and knew we made each other happy. I imagine, though, my sleeping with Taylor now is only infuriating her. Which, of course, is none of her business.
To Micah, I push the conversation along. “What’s up?”
“Ryder came to our house about an hour ago,” he explains, watching my sister move to the chair next to the couch. Allie still glares at me.
I, of course, ignore her, entering the living room, taking a seat on the couch beside Taylor.
Micah sighs heavily, taking a seat on the armrest next to Allie, and comfortingly pats her thigh before addressing me again. “First, this is for you.” He reaches into his pocket, then offers me a cellphone. “It’s a secured cell that can’t be traced, and that Ryder can destroy electronically if it gets into the wrong hands.” I accept the phone as Micah goes on, “All of our contact numbers are in there. Use those for any and all conversations that we have between us.”
“Got it,” I confirm.
Micah holds up another cellphone that matches the one he gave me. He taps the screen, then places it on the coffee table. That’s when I realize he’s showing us a photograph. Luckily, Taylor isn’t in it.
I hear the relief in her voice as she asks, “What is that?”
“A bug,” Allie says.
I frown. “As in, a recording device?”
Micah nods. “Ryder did a sweep of Gabe’s bar and found it.”