I chuckle.
“So…” She pauses, studying me a moment, an obvious thought crossing her mind. Her eyes begin to narrow. “How exactly did you know I was here? You’re not having me followed, are you?”
“No, but I’d like to,” I admit. “Then I might sleep better.”
She snorts, her shoulders droop. “All right, then do tell: If you’re not keeping tabs on me, how did you know where to find me?”
I drop my chin, giving her a knowing look. “I called in to speak to you, and Bennett’s receptionist told me that you said you were going to a bookstore on your lunch hour.”
“Oh, right.” I see her recalling the conversation in her mind, her eyes flicking up at the ceiling. Obviously not angry anymore, her expression turns curious. “And you knew I’d come to this bookstore?”
“Of course.” I smile. “You’re a creature of habit, regardless that you keep insinuating how different you are now.”
She laughs, and it’s easy and free. “I do love this place.” Her eyes follow the saleslady walking by us before she addresses me again. “It’s crazy, you know, I kept thinking when I came back to San Francisco everything would be so different.”
“But it’s not?”
She shakes her head, moving closer to me. “It’s like nothing has changed at all. It’s kinda…I don’t know, really nice, you know. It’s still home, just the same as I remember, does that make sense?”
I smile. “It makes perfect sense, actually.”
She takes another step toward me, and I understand the need. I’m pulled toward her even if I shouldn’t be. Even if I know that, in the end, this can’t ever work because I am who I am. I’m the right-now guy. Taylor might want that guy right now. But soon she’ll want more than I can give her, and I’m well aware of that. Though, I realize now, it doesn’t matter. I owe her this. I’ll be whatever she needs me to be.
Just as the air warms between us, and she nearly reaches me, she stops and steps back, suddenly aware we’re in public. “Ugh,” she comments with a frown. “I guess I gotta get used to that. You know, not acting on impulse.”
“You shouldn’t have to get used to that,” I tell her.
And that’s our pitiful reality. There are things with my life that Taylor shouldn’t have to deal with. The media being one of them. She shouldn’t have to put up with that just to be with me. She’s a free spirit and she should live freely. But I pushed her away once to protect her and that led to the mess she’s in. I won’t push her away again. “We need to be smart,” I explain. “But we can’t live in constant fear either.”
“Isn’t that kinda depressing?” she says, pressing the book to her chest again. “I mean, always wondering if someone is going to take a picture of you.”
“Depressing?” I ponder. “No. Annoying, yes.”
She laughs, shaking her head at me. “I’ve only been in all this craziness for a short time and look how much it’s affected my life. I can’t imagine this being my life all the time.”
I see her cringe and can tell she wants to retract those words. “It’s all right,” I reassure her, wanting to reach out and comfort her, but knowing I can’t. I won’t risk exposing her again. “I asked for this life. With the success I sought, the fame, and sadly, the media comes with it.”
“I guess you’re right,” she concedes.
And I hate that she does. It makes me think of why I ended things with her before. I hated seeing her bend for me and my life. It was wrong then, and it’s wrong now.
“So,” she continues, breaking into my thoughts before I can decide exactly how I feel about that. “Why did you come find me here? Just for a visit?”
“Of course I wanted to see you.” I smile, liking the way her face lights up. “But I’m here to invite you out for dinner tonight. Would you be up for that?”
She nibbles her lip, eyes squinting. “I know we went for ice cream the other night, but that was very spontaneous and quick. Do you thi
nk dinner is wise?”
I nod, acknowledging her concerns. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure we won’t be photographed.”
She glances around the bookshop, obviously thinking things over, and when she looks back at me, she smiles sweetly. “Well, okay then. I’d love to meet for dinner tonight. When and where?”
“I’ll text you later with the details.”
“Perfect.” She bounces from foot to foot, clearly pleased with our plans tonight. “What are you up to for the rest of the day?”
“Meetings,” I grumble, wishing I could stay here with her. “Always meetings.”