But I want to be around him, and that’s the hard part. Not that I don’t love my time with Allie, but I want him to be here with me now, holding me, telling me everything is going to be okay. There’s not been a day I haven’t thought of him, wanted him, physically ached for him. Which is exactly why I need to stay away. I don’t trust myself around Darius. And I don’t want to return to the same circle where I forget why we aren’t good together.
On the surface, Darius is the perfect guy, the most incredible lover, and beyond addictive. But it’s beneath the surface where things get messy.
I keep those thoughts to myself when Allie adds, “I gotta say, though, when you first arrived at my door, I’ve never seen Darius like that. God, I thought he was going to go and kill Shawn.”
I shrug. “He’s worried about me.”
Allie nods, studying me intently. “But it’s just, you know, clearly he still cares about you.”
“Him caring about me isn’t the problem.”
“Darius is the problem?” Allie offers.
I agree with a nod, not needing to say anything more. Allie knows her half-brother. He loves from a distance. And that love also has conditions. Get close, but not too close. Give me your heart, but don’t ask for mine.
With him, I feel bare, exposed.
Darius is the only man who can take me so high and bring me so low. I’d give him anything and do anything for him. I would hang on his every word. When we dated before, I jumped in excitement whenever he called, and I waited around when he didn’t. It hadn’t been healthy. And once I realized that, I did what Darius told me to do. I ran away and though I tried, I could not never look back.
“Okay, enough about this depressing shit.” I wave Allie out of the bedroom. “I’ll get the wine. You grab the laptop and help me look for a job.”
I quickly pad into the open-plan kitchen, when Allie calls from the living room, “You know, you could come and work at Holt. I’m sure Micah would give you a job.”
I take out two wineglasses from the cupboard, grab the Chardonnay from the fridge, and fill the glasses to the rim. “I’m sure he would too, but I could never accept.”
Across the room, Allie drops down onto the couch and crosses her legs, laptop on her lap. “Because you want to do this by yourself?”
“I need to do this for myself.” I return the wine to the fridge, grab the glasses off the counter, and move into the living room, offering her a glass of wine. Hell, I need to do a lot of things—find a job, pay my debt down, get my own apartment. “Men only get me into trouble, so to be honest, right now, I don’t want to do anything that involves a man, including getting a job from your man.”
“Totally understandable.” She smiles, opening her laptop and beginning to type. “But don’t be too hard on yourself. I think you just gravitate to all the broken ones because the helper in you wants to fix them, that’s all.” She finally stops typing and lifts her head to me. “So, what’s the plan for a job? Are you going back into human resources?”
I breathe a sigh of relief and take my seat next to her, glad we don’t have to talk about why I suck at love. “Isn’t going back into human resources a given?”
“Nope.” She takes a sip of her wine and then places the glass on the coffee table. “This is your fresh start. You can do anything you want to do. That’s the exciting part about coming home without anything tying you down.”
I pause, considering that, then smile. This is what I love about Allie most. She sees life in such a bright way, with so many possibilities. Maybe because she’s reinvented herself before, she makes dreams seem easy to achieve. “You’re right, I could do anything, really, couldn’t I?”
“Yep.” She begins typing on her laptop. “Who knows, maybe you’ll find something different or maybe you’ll find your dream HR job—” Her cellphone begins to ring and she hands me the laptop before grabbing the phone off the coffee table, looking at the screen. “Oh, it’s Micah.” Her eyes light up as she lifts the phone to her ear, like they always do whenever Micah is involved. “Missing me already?”
I tak
e a big, long sip of my wine, tasting the oaky hints, watching her smile slowly fade.
Her eyes zero in on me, concern in their depths. “Is the story bad?” A pause. Then, “Okay, okay…yeah…okay…’bye.” She ends the call, still staring at me, wide-eyed.
“What’s going on?” I ask, breaking the awkward silence.
“So, listen…” Her voice is carefully controlled, and years of friendship have taught me she brings out that voice only when something is very, very wrong.
“Okay, I’m listening,” I say hesitantly.
She takes her laptop back and her fingers fly over the keyboard before she’s giving me a look I’ve seen before, one full of pity…for me. “Now, I want you to know that everything is fine and I don’t doubt that Darius will handle this, so don’t freak, okay?”
My pulse kicks up, palms grow sweaty. “Freak out about what?” I can’t imagine my life getting worse than it is right now.
She spins the laptop screen to face me, and as my blood runs ice-cold at the article in the tabloid magazine Gotcha!, I realize it certainly can.
They looked very much in love. Longtime bachelor and hunky billionaire Darius Bennett packs on the PDA with a mystery honey-blond-hottie last night. And we’ve got the pictures of the lovebirds to prove it!