Darius gives a firm nod.
I press my hands to my tired eyes, because we both know I could destroy Allie, so very easily. I could take all her innocence for my own personal enjoyment and suck it up until she’s bone-dry. That’s why we have the DC—to provide us with willing women capable of handling men like us. But that feeling to own Allie, to claim her soul in every sense of the word, and to ask her to submit to my dark desires is not driving me now.
I want her heart.
“I know that I only have two choices when it comes to Allie.” I drop my hands, admitting some hard truths. “Leave her alone. Or eliminate my secrets so they can’t hurt her.” With Clara, I’d been an inexperienced kid, unsure what I wanted. I’ve lived in the dark shadows of my dominance, feeding my desire to hide beneath my pain, and that’s not what I want anymore.
Allie, she’s what I need.
“Which is exactly the point,” Darius responds, sternly, to my statement. “You could leave her alone.”
“Sadly, that’s not an option.” I ignore the way his lips press together tight. This isn’t Darius’s choice. “If I could have left her alone, I would’ve. Yet…” I hesitate, pondering how to put this. At first, it seems complicated, but I realize, in fact, it’s so very simple. “I cannot stay away from her.”
I need her.
Darius scoffs, leaning back in his chair. “But will she even know you? Or will she know the man you want her to see.” He begins tapping his foot; his posture becoming rigid, cords twanging in his neck. “That’s not protecting her, Micah. That’s lying to her.”
I can’t disagree with him.
I’m tainting the relationship right from the start if I keep all my dirty little secrets from her, because my not telling her is a conscious choice to protect myself, not protect her. “Which brings us to the final thing I will say on the matter.” I’m done easing him into his transition. He doesn’t have to agree. But he needs to accept our relationship. “I believe it’s time for me to start stepping away from the DC. We all know I haven’t been as invested in the DC as I once was. Juliet can continue handling all matters with Lace, since she’s doing that anyway. We’ll simply pull me out as the middleman.”
Darius’s eyes widen before he collects himself. “First, you think you don’t need the kink. Now you’re giving up control of a world you’ve held a very tight grip on.” I see no judgment on his expression, only concern as he adds, “Are you sure this is wise?”
I rise from my seat. “I said I’ll protect Allie and be what she needs me to be.” I don’t need doubts. I need to stay focused on what Allie needs of me. “Stop questioning me—it’s my decision to make.”
Darius snorts and rises from his seat, shaking my hand. “While I appreciate and can respect the changes you’re making for Allison, tread carefully with her.” His eyes become hard, cold and flinty, and he squeezes my hand tight. “Cause her any pain whatsoever—heart, body, or mind—and I’ll fucking lay you out, Micah.”
I return the firm grip. He could try. “Warning noted.”
Chapter 15
Allie
In my bedroom, I move to the floor mirror in the corner, running my hands down the bla
ck lace Atelier Versace gown. I turn slightly, admiring the open back all the way down to above my butt. When I turn again to face the mirror, the light sparkles off the Tiffany’s mixed cluster necklace around my neck, matching cluster earrings, and the bracelet on my left arm. All of which are gifts from Micah that were delivered to my condo minutes after I got home from work today.
I heave a long sigh, hearing a scuffle behind me before I see Liv at my shoulder in the mirror.
She smiles, admiring her work. “Wow. Just wow.”
The second I plucked the dress from the white box wrapped in a red bow, I called in reinforcements for tonight. It’d been so long since I went to a black tie event, and wearing this dress and jewelry needs hair and makeup that matches, or there’s no way in hell I could pull off this look. And, well, Liv is really great at girly things.
“You’re going to blow Micah’s mind tonight,” she adds, lifting her twinkling eyes to mine in the mirror.
Even I have to admit that the dress, the heavier makeup than I usually wear, and the soft updo make me look ready to walk the red carpet at the Oscars. Still, though…I draw in a heavy breath and exhale it deeply through my nose, as nervous butterflies flutter in my belly.
Liv rolls her eyes. “And somehow only you could look so miserable in”—she waves a hand over my body—“this.”
“It’s excessive.” I stare in the mirror at the gown, embellished with what I think might be Swarovski crystals. “I don’t even want to know how much Micah spent on all of it.”
“Oh, hush.” Liv tucks a couple of loose, fallen curls back into place with bobby pins. “You’re not supposed to think about those things. Besides, it’s not like it’s breaking Micah’s bank account to get you this stuff.”
“Just because he can afford it”—I step away from the mirror and move into the hallway, entering my living room—“doesn’t mean I need them. There’s starving children in the world, for cripes’ sake.”
Liv follows me into the living room, and when I turn back to her, I find a smile on her face. “There are, yes, and it’s all types of terrible. But let’s not forget that Micah gives a lot of his money to help children, so let him spoil you one day out of the year.”
My throat is tightening because with Micah it’s not going to be one day out of the year. It’ll be a lot of days out of the year that we’ll have to attend charity functions and such, where people will only see me as Micah’s girlfriend, not Allie Parker.