Alex’s mouth parted to stop him as Ryder pulled her away, but the words died in her tight throat. Her chest squeezed, reminding her she was still in grave danger, not from Lewis, but from the hold Rowan had on her heart.
CHAPTER 14
Late the next morning, and with six stitches in her throbbing arm, along with the stitches in her neck from the hitman Lewis hired to kill her, Alex stepped into her house, with Ryder hot on her heels, feeling like she’d left a piece of herself back in Woodbury. She got the stitches at the hospital there before they flew back home. Rowan wasn’t on that flight. Taylor had shown up at the hospital to take both Ryder’s and her account of what took place in the mine. Every story had been the same. Rowan took the fatal shot. Taylor had seemed satisfied and left without further comment. Then Ryder had a long talk with Luke on the flight home, but Alex had retreated into herself, only thinking of Rowan and how she’d wussed out instead of telling Rowan that her heart wanted him. Only him. Always him.
She sighed when Ryder shut the door behind him, relieved to be home, and yet wanting to be anywhere but there. “Do you want me to stay with you?” he asked.
“No,” she said, turning back to him and kicking off her shoes. “Go home to Hadley and the baby.”
She wasn’t sure what showed on her face, but it must have been bad, since she was tugged into Ryder’s safe arms. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Call him.”
Emotion welled in her throat before she cleared it away. “That’s not our thing. We don’t say goodbye.” Lies. She was terrified to admit that she needed anyone as badly as she needed Rowan.
Ryder pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “It doesn’t have to be your thing. Don’t lose him.” He leaned away, and just like a brother would, he gave it to her straight. “Swallow your pride and go after this one. I like him.” He gave her a final tight hug before letting her go and moving to the door. His hand wrapped around the silver handle and then he turned to her. “I know you’re scared to death of how he makes you feel, but love doesn’t always hurt.” He gave a soft smile. “You deserve to be happy, Alex. You only need to stop running from it.”
She had no response, so she stayed silent as he left. Love did hurt. Always.
Not quite sure what to do with herself, she locked the door behind Ryder and turned on her security system. Feeling gross and nearly crawling out of her skin, she headed straight for the shower.
She turned the water on as hot as she could tolerate and stepped inside, washing away Lewis’s hands on her and the confusion swirling in her mind. Call him. It seemed so easy, and yet the words were stuck in her throat, impossible to get out. To need him…to truly need anyone…she didn’t know how to stay. She forged on, worked hard, but to stop and breathe was not something she knew how to do. When the shower did nothing to help her mood, she shampooed her hair, careful not to get her arm wet and then got out of the shower, tucking a towel around her torso.
That’s when she realized she wasn’t alone.
A shadow sat in her living room chair.
She turned fast and grabbed her weapon from her bedside table and aimed it at the shadow, her heart thundering in her ears. “There’s a gun aimed at your head.”
A low chuckle. “If you shoot me, will you tie me to a chair and fuck me again?”
Warmth and emotion rushed Alex so fast she stumbled, the gun—with the safety still on—falling to the floor. She flicked the light on next to her, bathing her space in a soft glow that only added to the tenderness in Rowan’s eyes.
She blinked. “How did you get in here?”
A sexy smile tugged at his mouth. “I’m a spy, Alex, I can get in anywhere.” He paused, then arched a brow. “Or maybe I should say, I was a spy.”
She glanced at the security system on her wall. One she knew was unbreakable. “But Ryder’s security is on in this place.”
Rowan’s grin widened. “Which probably explains why he offered me a job in New York City?”
The space between them felt heavy and full of all things that should have been said so long ago. “Did you accept it?”
Rowan gave a slow nod and began to rise. “I turned it down.” Her heart promptly landed in her belly as he stepped closer and went on. “But I told him I would work for him here in San Francisco.”
Her hair on her arms rose, her throat tightening. “I didn’t think I’d see you again. That your patience had been worn thin.”
“No, Alex,” he said, stopping in front of her. His soft eyes—the ones he only gave to her—held. “But I understand why your mind goes there. It’s all you know. People leaving you.” He paused a moment, his sizzling stare roaming over her face until it landed on her lips. “You’re locked up tight, protective.” He tucked a finger into the front of her towel and tugged her forward, causing her belly to quiver, when his hard body pressed intimately against hers. “But let me ask you this”—he held her close and brought her lips within a whisper of his own—“what did you feel when you thought I wouldn’t come for you?”
Every warm thing in her body turned to ice. Her hands grew sweaty, her stomach clenching. She stared into the strength of Rowan’s eyes and let herself fall there, into that safe place. “Empty,” she barely managed to squeeze out of her dry throat.
Soft emotion touched his sculpted face. “And what did you feel when you saw me sitting here?”
“Better,” was her reply.
His smile was everything beautiful in what could be a dark world. “We both know why that is, don’t we?” He tucked her dripping wet hair behind her ear, following the movement with his gaze. “We knew it the second we met in Paris. We knew it so much that we ran from each other to avoid the scary shit that we feel together because it doesn’t make sense. It’s intense and wild and so damn good, we feel like we don’t deserve it.” His eyes captured hers and packed an emotional punch to her throat when he went on. “But we do deserve it. The both of us. I’ve had my adventures. I want a new one. With you, if you’ll have me.”
She felt the fear creep up, desperately attacking the warmth, while Rowan stared at her, patiently waiting for her response. She forced herself to give it to him. “I don’t need anyone,” she said, her voice shaking. “I haven’t for a really long time.” She fisted her hand belonging to her uninjured arm into his shirt and pulled him closer. “I need you, Rowan. It scares me how much I need you.”
“Don’t be scared, luv,” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers. “I love you.”