Rowan moved to her and dropped a kiss on her forehead, taking her into the warmth of his embrace that Alex knew well. A warmth that she suddenly realized was so important. For moments like these. Whenever someone needed love the most.
Alex had a little of this with Ryder, but even him, she kept at a distance, she knew that. She never thought about how nice that was, or how safe it did make her feel to know someone had her back in quite that way. Until now.
“Love you,” Mia said when she leaned away with tears in her eyes.
“Love you too,” Rowan replied roughly, planting one final kiss on her forehead, and then he took a step back as the nurses surrounded her again.
Love you…
Alex had never said those words. Not even to Ryder. She’d always felt the closest to him, but she realized now, while they were close, they didn’t have this. This bond was something Ryder had with his wife. A level of closeness Alex didn’t understand or hadn’t had since Lena. A bond that made her want to crawl out of her skin and yet nearly yearn for too.
While the nurses guided Mia away, leading her to the front doors, Luke reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. “That’s my number there,” he said, offering the card to Rowan. “Text anytime you want an update on Mia. Nothing will happen to her while I’m here with her.”
Rowan offered his hand. “Thank you.”
Luke shook Rowan’s hand then gave Ryder a firm nod before following Mia into the building.
“He’s retired Navy Seal,” Ryder said, following Luke with his gaze until glancing Rowan’s way. “There is no one I trust more than him with protective detail.”
“I’m grateful to the both of you,” Rowan said, flicking the business card with his finger and shifting on his feet, looking one step away from going after Mia and staying with her. “Again, whatever you need from me, whenever you need it, I’m there.”
Ryder acknowledged the promise with a flick of his chin.
Alex knew none of this could be easy. She slid her arm around Rowan’s, and his intense gaze slid to hers. Something shifted in his expression, and it became examining and inquisitive. His knuckles brushed against her cheek, and Alex leaned into the touch, warmed by it.
“Let’s get back to headquarters,” Ryder said quietly, obviously aware he was interrupting. “We need to continue to push ahead to keep the heat on Lewis.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Alex said, watching Ryder turn away from them and head back toward his truck.
She took a step to join him, when Rowan tugged her back into his arms. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked with a graveled voice.
Everything. “Catching Lewis.”
He arched a disbelieving eyebrow at her. “Is that all?”
A week ago, she would’ve shut her mouth and nodded and left it at that. But where had that gotten her? Lonely. She had no personal life to speak of, after spending years honing her craft, perfecting her skills to somehow make what happened to Lena right again. She was beginning to realize she wanted more. Needed more. She swallowed… “This is hard for me.”
“What is?”
“Admitting I need someone.” She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth for the way her throat closed up tight, her stomach roiling as sweat coated her flesh.
Rowan watched her closely then pressed his lips against her mouth in a sweet, gentle kiss. “Almost ready for that talk, then?”
The talk they should have had in Paris where they said how they felt and how they wanted each other. The talk that would change everything and make life very complicated, considering they lived in different states. The talk that would break barriers to her heart that had been built growing up with a junkie mother and an absent father. The scary realization that if she let anyone in, she could lose them again and have to endure the pain she went through with Lena.
She drew in a long deep breath.
Rowan’s mouth twitched. “Not quite yet, then.” His strong hand captured hers and then he led her to the truck, saying nothing more about it.
Silently, they got into the truck and Ryder hit the road a moment later. No one spoke a word on the drive. The daunting task of what awaited them, the exhaustion of what they’d already been through to get where they were today, and the emotions playing on Alex’s heart were only muddling things up more.
Within half an hour, Ryder was pulling into Blackwood Security headquarters, which was originally a chocolate factory. Once he parked in his usual parking spot, Alex exited the passenger seat. “I need a shower before we start.” Exhaustion weighed heavily on her eyelids, but more than anything, she felt grimy. Years of working cases had taught her to take care of herself in all this too. She was stronger and smarter when she was fed, showered, and rested. The latter definitely wasn’t up to par, but she needed to get things rolling. They still had another woman to find and a murderer to catch. She looked at Rowan and gestured to the far side of the factory. “Come on, I’m sure you could use one too.” She caught the slight heated flare in Rowan’s gaze before she said to Ryder, “We’ll be back in fifteen.”
Ryder gave a firm nod. “I’ll get the team ready.”
She headed around the parking lot, with Rowan at her side, and they entered the right side of the factory. She’d moved into the part of the factory that had once been where the offices were right after Ryder hired her on. Free rent, he’d said, not guessing she’d be thrilled to stay there. When she’d been on the streets to escape terrible foster homes after her mother died, she’d sleep near one of the churches that had a large porch that kept her safe from others. A priest had seen her there once, but he never asked her to leave. In fact, most nights, he brought her food. She wished he were still alive so she could thank him. But she loved this factory, from the old, worn hardwood floors, to the stone walls, and the huge open-concept space. She wasn’t sure she’d ever move, and Ryder never mentioned her leaving.
“So, this is where you live,” Rowan commented, after she’d opened the door for him. He strode into the center of the room, obviously enjoying seeing the space that belonged to her. He scanned over the bed near the window and against the graffitied wall. When she moved in, Ryder said he’d bring in workers and they’d give her a proper apartment. Alex loved the place as it was, graffiti and all. Especially the graffiti; it kept her honest and reminded her where she’d come from. Rowan finally stopped looking around and glanced over his shoulder, his expression a puzzle that Alex couldn’t quite put together. “It suits you.”