“The store,” I say.
My mom tsks. “You need to hire more than one employee so you can take some time off once in a while, dear. But we’d really love to see you. Maybe think about coming up tomorrow?”
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
The idea of getting out of my house is a good one, even if my mom doesn’t know why. I love it when I go home. She always makes delicious food and goes out of her way to make sure that I’m comfortable and happy. I want that more than anything right now. But will I be able to keep a grip on myself while I’m there and not give my parents reason to think that there’s something really wrong with me? That, I’m not so sure about.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mom asks.
“Yeah,” I say. “Why?”
She sighs. “I don’t know. You just sound a little down.”
I laugh. A little down doesn’t even begin to cover it. A little down makes it sound like I lost a balloon or dropped an ice cream cone. This is so much more than that. “I’m fine.”
“Okay,” she says, though it doesn’t sound like she entirely believes me.
“I’ll see if I can work things out to come up, and I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds good. Love you!”
“Love you,” I reply, choking on the words as I hang up.
And then I let myself go. Sobs wrack my body as I curl around Ursula. I’ve never felt pain like this before, bone deep and splitting me open. I hate it. And I love it. Because if it didn’t hurt, then it wouldn’t have meant anything. And it meant everything.
I let the tears take me for a while before I’m exhausted and wrung out from them. The store is closed today—it’s the reason that I’m able to stay in bed. But I know that Elle will have her phone on her, and I need her right now. More than just to ask if she’ll be okay at the store alone.
Are you free today?
Her text is immediate.
I’ve got no plans other than to continue reading this ridiculous historical drama. What’s up?
I need some girl time. And ice cream.
I thought you’d never fucking ask. I’ll be right over.
When she knocks on my door thirty minutes later, she’s got three tubs of ice cream in various flavors, and vodka. “Geeze, Elle.”
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t even pretend that you don’t fucking need it. We both know that you do. Now get out of my way and let me put this stuff in the freezer.”
I stand aside and she strides past me into the kitchen. Ursula follows closely on her heels, sniffing at the visitor. Not that I think Ursula would be super interested in the ice cream or vodka. After she places the ice cream in the freezer, Elle reaches down and scratches the cat behind her ears. “Okay, so you’re going to tell me what the fuck’s been going on that has you so depressed. I knew you’d tell me eventually, but damn girl, something is up. I’m not stupid.”
“It’s nothing you don’t already know,” I say with a sigh. “It’s the same stuff I was worried about when Bryce and I first got together. The same stuff that I was worried about when I moved here so I wouldn’t want him anymore. It. Just. Won’t. Work. Our families would hate the fact that we were together.”
Elle walks around my kitchen, opening the cabinets and getting down bowls and glasses for our imminent feast. “But what changed? You guys were happy. I mean, I know it was fast, but you guys have a history. It’s not like you have to do you all the ‘getting to know you’ crap the rest of us do. So what happened?”
I shrug, and sit down at the kitchen table. Elle knows this kitchen almost as well as her own, so I don’t have to tell her where anything is, and I couldn’t make the effort right now even if I wanted to. All of my limbs feel heavy, like weights are attached to each of them. “At his sister’s baby shower, I made an offhand comment to some women who were looking at him. They wanted to know if he was single, and if he was, they were going to go after him.
“My mouth got the better of me, and I said that he was off the market. They wanted to know how, but his sister overheard. Even the implication that Bryce would date somebody as young as me disgusted her. She called it ‘absurd,’ ‘gross,’ and ‘stupid.’”
Elle closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Well, yeah,” she says. “I can see how that would get under your skin, for sure. But that was one person, and she was saying it about a hypothetical situation. Any person—and I’m including all of your family in this—wouldn’t think the two of you were gross if they saw you together. You guys are so sickeningly adorable you make me want to vomit.”