IN THE TWILIGHT
It was not without misgiving that I climbed the steep zigzag atWhinnyfold, for at every turn I half expected to see the unwelcome faceof Gormala before me. It seemed hardly possible that everything couldgo on so well with me, and that yet I should not be disturbed by herpresence. Miss Anita, I think, saw my uneasiness and guessed the causeof it; I saw her follow my glances round, and then she too kept an eagerlook out. We won the top, however, and got into the waiting carriagewithout mishap. At the hotel she asked me to bring to their sitting-roomthe papers with the secret writing. She gave a whispered explanationthat we should be quite alone as Mrs. Jack always took a nap, whenpossible, before dinner.
She puzzled long and anxiously over the papers and over my enlarged partcopy of them. Finally she shook her head and gave it up for the time.Then I told her the chief of the surmises which I had made regarding themeans by which the biliteral cipher, did such exist, might be expressed.That it must be by marks of some sort was evident; but which of thoseused were applied to this purpose I could not yet make out. When I hadexhausted my stock of surmises she said:
"More than ever I am convinced that you must begin by reducing thebiliteral cipher. Every time I think of it, it seems plainer to me thatBacon, or any one else using such a system, would naturally perfect itif possible. And now let us forget this for the present. I am sure youmust want a rest from thinking of the cipher, and I feel that I do.Dinner is ready; after it, if you will, I should like another run downto the beach."
"_Another_" run to the beach! then she remembered our former one as asort of fixed point. My heart swelled within me, and my resolution totake my own course, even if it were an unwise one, grew.
After dinner, we took our way over the sandhills and along the shoretowards the Hawklaw, keeping on the line of hard sand just belowhigh-water mark.
The sun was down and the twilight was now beginning. In these northernlatitudes twilight is long, and at the beginning differs little from thefull light of day. There is a mellowed softness over everything, and allis grey in earth and sea and air. Light, however, there is in abundanceat the first. The mystery of twilight, as Southerns know it, comes lateron, when the night comes creeping up from over the sea, and the shadowswiden into gloom. Still twilight is twilight in any degree of itschanging existence; and the sentiment of twilight is the same all theworld over. It is a time of itself; between the stress and caution ofthe day, and the silent oblivion of the night: It is an hour when allliving things, beasts as well as human, confine themselves to their ownbusiness. With the easy relaxation comes something of self-surrender;soul leans to soul and mind to mind, as does body to body in moments oflarger and more complete intention. Just as in the moment after sunset,when the earth is lit not by the narrow disc of the sun but by theglory of the wide heavens above, twin shadows merge into one, so in thetwilight two natures which are akin come closer to the identity of one.Between daylight and dark as the myriad sounds of life die away one byone, the chirp of birds, the lowing of cattle, the bleating of sheep,the barking of dogs, so do the natural sounds such as the rustle oftrees, the plash of falling water, or the roar of breaking waves wakeinto a new force that strikes on the ear with a sense of intention orconscious power. It is as though in all the wide circle of nature'smight there is never to be such a thing as stagnation; no moment ofpoise, save when the spirits of nature proclaim abnormal silence, suchas ruled when earth stood "at gaze, like Joshua's moon on Ajalon."
The spirits of my companion and myself yielded to this silent influenceof the coming night. Unconsciously we walked close together and in step;and were silent, wrapt in the beauty around us. To me it was a gentleecstasy. To be alone with her in such a way, in such a place, was thegood of all heaven and all earth in one. And so for many minutes we wentslowly on our way along the deserted sand, and in hearing of the musicof the sounding sea and the echoing shore.
But even Heaven had its revolt. It seems that whether it be on Earth orin Heaven intelligence is not content to remain in a condition of poise.Ever there are heights to be won. Out of my own very happiness and thepeace that it gave me, came afresh the wild desire to scale new heightsand to make the present altitude which I had achieved a stepping-offplace for a loftier height. All arguments seemed to crowd in my mind toprove that I was justified in asking Marjory to be my wife. Other menhad asked women whom they had known but a short time to marry them; andwith happy result. It was apparent that at the least she did not dislikeme. I was a gentleman, of fair stock, and well-to-do; I could offer hera true and a whole heart. She, who was seemingly only companion to awealthy woman, could not be offended at a man's offering to her allhe had to give. I had already approached the subject, and she had notwarned me off it; she had only given me in a sweetly artful way advicein which hope held a distinct place. Above all, the days and hours andmoments were flying by. I did not know her address or when I should seeher again, or if at all. This latest thought decided me. I would speakplainly to-night.
Oh, but men are dull beside women in the way of intuition. This girlseemed to be looking over the sea, and yet with some kind of doubleglance, such as women have at command, she seemed to have been all thetime looking straight through and through me and getting some ideaof her own from my changing expression. I suppose the appearance ofdetermination frightened her or set her on guard, for she suddenly said:
"Ought we not to be turning home?"
"Not yet!" I pleaded, all awake in a moment from my dreams. "A fewminutes, and then we can go back."
"Very well," she said with a smile, and then added demurely; "we mustnot be long." I felt that my hour had come and spoke impulsively:
"Marjory, will you be my wife?" Having got out the words I stopped. Myheart was beating so heavily that I could not speak more. For a fewseconds, which seemed ages to me, we were both silent. I daresay thatshe may have been prepared for something; from what I know now I amsatisfied that her own intention was to ward off any coming difficulty.But the suddenness and boldness of the question surprised her andembarrassed her to silence. She stopped walking, and as she stood stillI could see her bosom heave--like my own. Then with a great effort,which involved a long breath and the pulling up of her figure and thesetting back of her shoulders, she spoke:
"But you know nothing of me!"
"I know all of you that I want to know!" This truly Hibernian speechamused her, even through her manifest emotion and awkwardness, if onecan apply the word to one compact of so many graces. I saw the smile,and it seemed to set us both more at ease.
"That sounds very rude," she said "but I understand what you mean, andtake it so." This gave me an opening into which I jumped at once. Shelistened, seeming not displeased at my words; but on the whole glad of amoment's pause to collect her thoughts before again speaking:
"I know that you are beautiful; the most beautiful and graceful girl Iever saw. I know that you are brave and sweet and tender and thoughtful.I know that you are clever and resourceful and tactful. I know that youare a good comrade; that you are an artist with a poet's soul. I knowthat you are the one woman in all the wide world for me; that havingseen you there can never be any one else to take your place in my heart.I know that I would rather die with you in my arms, than live a kingwith any other queen!"
"But you have only seen me twice. How can you know so many nice thingsabout me. I wish they were all true! I am only a girl; and I must say itis sweet to hear them, whether they be true or not. Anyhow, supposingthem all true, how could you have known them?"
Hope was stepping beside me now. I went on:
"I did not need a second meeting to know so much. To-day was but arepetition of my joy; an endorsement of my judgment; a fresh rivettingof my fetters!" She smiled in spite of herself as she replied:
"You leave me dumb. How can I answer or argue with such a conviction."Then she laid her hand tenderly on my arm as she went on:
"Oh, I know what you mean, my friend. I take it all
in simple truth; andbelieve me it makes me proud to hear it, though it also makes me feelsomewhat unworthy of so much faith. But there is one other thing whichyou must consider. In justice to me you must." She paused and I felt myheart grow cold. "What is it?" I asked. I tried to speak naturally but Ifelt that my voice was hoarse. Her answer came slowly, but it seemed toturn me to ice:
"But I don't know you!"
There was a pity in her eyes which gave me some comfort, though notmuch; a man whose soul is crying out for love does not want pity.Love is a glorious self-surrender; all spontaneity; all gladness, allsatisfaction, in which doubt and forethought have no part. Pity is aconscious act of the mind; wherein is a knowledge of one's own securityof foothold. The two can no more mingle than water and oil.
The shock had come, and I braced myself to it. I felt that now if everI should do my devoir as a gentleman. It was my duty as well as myprivilege to shield this woman from unnecessary pain and humiliation.Well I knew, that it had been pain to her to say such a thing to me; andthe pain had come from my own selfish impulse. She had warned me earlierin the day, and I had broken through her warning. Now she was put ina false position through my act; it was necessary I should make herfeelings as little painful as I could. I had even then a sort of dimidea that my best plan would have been to have taken her in my arms andkissed her. Had we both been older I might have done so; but my love wasnot built in this fashion. Passion was so mingled with respect that theother course, recognition of, and obedience to, her wishes seemed allthat was open to me. Besides it flashed across me that she might take itthat I was presuming on her own impulsive act on the rock. I said withwhat good heart I could:
"That is an argument unanswerable, at present. I can only hope that timewill stand my friend. Only" I added and my voice choked as I said it"Do, do believe that I am in deadly earnest; that all my life is atstake; and that I only wait, and I will wait loyally with what patienceI can, in obedience to your will. My feelings and my wish, and--and myrequest will stand unaltered till I die!" She said not a word, but thetears rose up in her beautiful eyes and ran down her blushing cheeks asshe held out her hand to me. She did not object when I raised it to mylips and kissed it with all my soul in the kiss!
We turned instinctively and walked homewards. I felt dejected, but notbroken. At first the sand seemed to be heavy to my feet; but when aftera little I noticed that my companion walked with a buoyancy unusual evento her, I too became gay again. We came back to the hotel much in thespirit in which we had set out.
We found Mrs. Jack dressed, all but her outer cloak, and ready for theroad. She went away with Marjory to finish her toilet, but came backbefore her younger companion. When we were alone she said to me after afew moments of 'hum'ing and 'ha'ing and awkward preparation of speech: