“Mrs. Dirussi?”
Oh right, that was my name now. “Uh-huh.” The look on her face said it all and I let out a shuddering breath. “Oh God, I’m pregnant.”
A warm, sympathetic look crossed the woman’s sharp features. “Yes, you are my dear.”
“How did this happen?” I groaned into my hands, stomach dropping so far out of my body it was practically in China.
“I think you’re knowledgeable enough that I don’t have to explain the mechanics of it to you.”
Was that a joke? It sounded like it, but I was too distraught to say for sure.
“I’m on the pill! I missed a single one. The day we first hooked up because I got drunk in the afternoon at a wedding. That’s it. Just one.”
“Hmm, normally that wouldn’t be enough to allow for conception.” She looked down at my file before a knowing look crossed her face. “It says here you’re on progestin only pills. Is there a reason for that?”
“What, you mean my POPs?” I asked. “Uh yeah, I sometimes get migraines with auras. Apparently, that means no estrogen-based birth control for me.”
“Yes, it puts you at five times more likely to have a stroke. It’s quite the contraindication.” She took a measured breath and I could tell what she was about to say was going to piss me off. “Unfortunately, POPs are not as reliable as most estrogen-based birth control, so missing a single dose, or even taking one a couple of hours late can set off your entire month.”
“Wow,” I groaned, feeling shame coat me. “All it took was one little mistake.”
“Actually no.”
“No?” I echoed.
“Judging by your onset of symptoms and the amount of HcG in your urine sample, I would say you’re only a month or so into conception.”
“But you just said…”
“I know what I said. By missing your one dose, you did put yourself at risk. However, POPs only have a ninety percent effectiveness rate. So, it seems, my dear, that the odds were not in your favor.”
I let out an incredulous huff of air. “So, you’re saying that I’m pregnant even though I did everything right?”
“I’m afraid so, my dear. But we are perfectly within the window to talk about alternative options for terminating your pregnancy.”
“I, uh, I don’t think I’m ready to think about that yet,” I admitted, head spinning. It was like my entire world was turning upside down and I had no idea what to do about that. “I need to talk to Mickey.”
“Of course. You have plenty of time. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Uh no, that’s been the biggest thing.”
“Alright. The one thing I do need you to do, until you make a decision one way or another, is to stop taking your birth control immediately.”
My heart skipped several beats in my chest at that. “I… I didn’t hurt the baby already, did I?”
“Technically it’s an embryo right now. Then it will become a fetus. Then a baby. And no, we caught this early enough that everything should be fine. I do want to remind you, however, that half of all pregnancies end in miscarriages, most being within the first trimester. If something does happen, I don’t want you blaming yourself.”
“I…I didn’t know that.”
“Yes, women’s reproductive health isn’t gone over nearly as much as I would prefer. Most women don’t even know they’re pregnant when they do lose an embryo. They just mistake it for a particularly heavy period.”
“Huh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. Everything was changing all around me and I was just sitting there like a bump on a log, completely in shock.
“But I didn’t say that to worry you. I said it to assure you. Whatever you decide you want to happen; we’ll be here when you’re ready.”
“Uh, thanks. I appreciate that. I’ll see you later then.”
“Of course. Let me walk you to the door.”
She did, making sure I got into my car safely, and I pulled out. I was definitely on autopilot as I made my way back home, my mind spinning.
Was I ready for a child? I’d never even thought about having one. Children were so needy and involved and complicated little things. My childhood hadn’t exactly been the stuff of roses, and I would rather throw myself off a cliff than have my kid experience even half of the things that I had.
But the thought of having Mickey’s child inside of me, growing as strong and healthy as their father, filled me with… I didn’t know what it was. But it wasn’t a bad feeling exactly.
I just needed to think. I could get home, take a nap, and then I would wake up and see how I felt then.
It took two solid hours to get home, however, and by the time that I was there, I was sagging with exhaustion. I was all ready to put myself to bed and text Mickey later, except he was standing right in the middle of my living room with some flowers and stomach medicine.