I knew Mollie was out tonight and that Will would be over for dinner and sex. I’d been looking forward to it all day, even as I worried my boss would find out. But now, I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t look into his lovely blue eyes and know that for him, I was just someone to fuck.
I texted Angela.
Need more wine and ice cream. Your place?
She replied almost instantly.
Got wine, you need to stop for ice cream.
I took a shower and changed into shorts and a t-shirt, and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. There was no need to look nice when I was going to my own pity party. I wrote a note and taped it to my door for Will, thinking he’d be more likely to see it on mine when he came over than on his. I simply said that I had to go to Angela’s. Considering Rick was over earlier, Will had to know they’d broken up, so my being there for Angela would make sense. If only he knew I was seeing her because of my own hurt. I could only imagine what he’d do if he learned my true feelings. He’d probably freak out. At least, I wouldn’t be risking my job then.
I left my place, stopping to buy ice cream and then heading to Angela’s little apartment on the other side of town.
“Trouble in paradise?” Angela asked me when she let me into her apartment.
“Just need time to think.”
“Okay. Wine is on the coffee table. Did something happen?”
I went to her small living area while she got spoons for the ice cream. “Just a dose of reality.”
“Tell me all about it.” She handed me a spoon and sat next to me. Pouring us each a glass a wine, she sat back to listen, just as I’d listened to her the other day.
“I’m not sure I can keep going like this.”
“Friends with benefits?” she asked. “Did something change?”
I told her how I’d heard Will tell Rick he wasn’t serious about me.
“But you knew that. What changed?”
I shrugged, knowing I was crazy for feeling hurt.
Her eyes softened. “What’s changed is that you want him to be serious. You’ve fallen for him?”
“Maybe. I just know his comment hurt even though I knew how he felt.” I took a big sip of my wine, wanting the liquid to burn away my pain. “On a good note, it sounds like Rick wants to win you back.”
She made a face. “He’s like Will, he just wants sex without the emotion. And I’m like you. I want more.”
“It’s not fair of me to change the rules at this point.”
“You could tell him how you feel.”
“That would scare him off.” I picked up my ice cream container, popping the lid.
“That’s the answer then, right? But maybe he does care.” Angela poured more wine into our glasses.
“He’s been clear the whole time where he stands on relationships. I guess the real issue for me, besides developing feelings for him is that I’m risking my job. I’m an idiot to risk being fired over a man that I’ll never have a future with.”
She sighed. “That’s true. What are you going to do?”
I shook my head as if I didn’t know what to do when I really did.
“Like I said, you can lay it on the line. Tell him about your job and how you feel.”
I could and I should. The end result would likely be the same if I’d just simply ended things. The certainty in Will’s voice when he assured Rick he didn’t care about me proved that he’d simply let me go.
We talked more, and I ate half of my ice cream. Unfortunately, no amount of ice cream and wine would dull the sadness I was feeling over my need to end things with Will.
We were about to put a movie in when there was a knock on Angela’s door.
“I wonder who that is?” She went to the door and looked through the peephole. “God, it’s Rick.” She opened the door.
He stood with a box in his hand.
“Rick, what are you doing here?” Angela asked.
“I’m bringing these back.”
I realized this was his moment to try and win Angela back. I felt a bit like a voyeur.
“What is it? I thought I got all my stuff.” She peered in the box.
“This is my stuff…that was here before…before I fucked up.”
I smiled because there was something sweet about a man being vulnerable with his feelings to a woman he cared about.
Angela stood there staring at him as if she didn’t know what to do.
I rose from the couch, and for the first time, Rick noticed me.
“Oh…I didn’t know…”
I waved his comment away. “I’m heading home.”
“Are you going to be ok?” Angela asked.
“I’ll be fine. You and Rick need to talk.”
“You okay to drive?” Rick asked eying the empty wine bottle.