I sighed and leaned against the wall, feeling my body sag with exhaustion and sadness. “Spencer, it’s not like I thought all that much about this day. I didn’t exactly prepare a speech!” I implored. I wanted him to understand what the situation was like from my perspective. After all, he was the one who disappeared out of my life. I had no way to contact him and I didn’t even know he tried to find me.
It didn’t seem to soothe Spencer though, if anything it did the total opposite. He took a step toward me and let out a huff of breath. “Stop being flippant, Rylee,” he demanded before reaching up and rubbing his chin with one hand. “I deserve better than this, Rylee. Please, just be honest with me.”
“I’m trying,” I told him with watery eyes. I couldn’t help but feel overly emotional. Everything had gone totally wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it without hurting myself or Spencer or, God forbid, Jayden.
“Then tell me about the child, Jayden is it?”
I nodded. “What do you want to know?” I muttered, my voice cracking a little bit. “My mom’s taken him out so you can’t meet him right now, but I’ll tell you anything you want.”
“Good,” Spencer replied. “Tell me when he was born.”
My eyes flew wide open and I let out another sigh. “June 18th 2015,” I replied.
Spencer nodded. “About nine months after we slept together right? I suspected as much, but I need to hear you say it, Rylee. Can you finally tell me: Is Jayden my son?”
13
Spencer
There was a long, drawn-out silence between us before Rylee answered my question. Her brilliant blue eyes stared up at mine and honestly, she looked pitiful. Her eyes were wet with unshed tears and her cheeks were heated as though she were embarrassed or upset. I didn’t relish being the cause of her discomfort, but I was so pissed off. I wanted to know the truth and I needed to hear it from Rylee herself.
Finally, she looked directly into my eyes and bit down on her plump bottom lip before nodding her head. “Yes, Jayden… Jayden is your son,” she confessed and finally spilled one tear down her right cheek.
I couldn’t believe it. I felt so angry I thought I might burst with rage. The feeling was bubbling up inside me like lava and I was a volcano getting ready to explode. “Why didn’t you tell me before now?” I cried, my face scrunching up in a scowl. “All these years, I’ve had a son I didn’t know about and you never told me? Damn, Rylee, I had a right to know! You never should have kept this from me!”
The expression on Rylee’s face changed then from one of sadness to one of anger. Her eyes blazed with fury and she reached up to wipe away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. “You know what, Spencer? It’s pretty fucking hard to tell you something when you’re not around anymore!” she yelled back at me, her breaths coming fast and hard and her chest heaving from the intensity of the emotions she was feeling. “You were the one who left me, not the other way around! I figured that you were just looking for a quick fuck with a college girl you didn’t know with no strings attached. I thought that night was just something to stroke your middle-aged ego, so when you never came back after that, guess what? I didn’t bother looking for you. So, if you wanna blame me, then fine, go ahead and blame me, but the only thing I knew about you was your first name. How on Earth was I meant to find you? Let alone tell you I was pregnant?”
I knew that she had a valid point and I didn’t want to dismiss what she was saying, but I couldn’t help but feel angry for the years I’d missed out on in my son’s life. I was desperate for something – someone – to blame for it. My rage was probably misdirected at Rylee, but the revelation was so overwhelming and emotional that I couldn’t help it.
I banged my fist against the wall. “Damn it!” I cried out in frustration. “I know it’s not your fault, I’m just pissed as hell, Rylee. I would have moved heaven and hell to be there for my son if I had known I had one!”
Rylee seemed to soften a little at my admission. She reached out and placed one hand on my shoulder. “I promise, I would have told you if you had come back to the coffee shop or even if you’d called me there, but for the six months after we slept together, I heard nothing. How was I supposed to know you’d even be interested in me again or getting to know your son?” she reasoned.