_Later._--It is all done; my will is made, and all complete. Mina if shesurvive is my sole heir. If it should not be so, then the others whohave been so good to us will have remainder.
It is now drawing towards the sunset; Mina's uneasiness calls myattention to it. I am sure that there is something on her mind whichthe time of exact sunset will reveal. These occasions are becomingharrowing times for us all, for each sunrise and sunset opens up somenew danger--some new pain, which, however, may in God's will be means toa good end. I write all these things in the diary since my darling mustnot hear them now; but if it may be that she can see them again, theyshall be ready.
She is calling to me.
CHAPTER XXV.
/Dr. Seward's Diary./
_11 October, Evening._--Jonathan Harker has asked me to note this, as hesays he is hardly equal to the task, and he wants an exact record kept.
I think that none of us were surprised when we were asked to see Mrs.Harker a little before the time of sunset. We have of late come tounderstand that sunrise and sunset are to her times of peculiar freedom;when her old self can be manifest without any controlling force subduingor restraining her, or inciting her to action. This mood or conditionbegins some half hour or more before actual sunrise or sunset, andlasts till either the sun is high, or whilst the clouds are still aglowwith the rays streaming above the horizon. At first there is a sort ofnegative condition, as if some tie were loosened, and then the absolutefreedom quickly follows; when however the freedom ceases the change-backor relapse comes quickly, preceded only by a spell of warning silence.
To-night, when we met she was somewhat constrained, and bore all thesigns of an internal struggle. I put it down myself to her making aviolent effort at the earliest instant she could do so. A very fewminutes, however, gave her complete control of herself; then, motioningher husband to sit beside her on the sofa where she was half reclining,she made the rest of us bring chairs up close. Taking her husband's handin hers she began:--
"We are all here together in freedom, for perhaps the last time! I know,dear; I know that you will always be with me to the end." This was toher husband, whose hand had, as we could see, tightened upon hers. "Inthe morning we go out upon our task, and God alone knows what may bein store for any of us. You are going to be so good to me as to take mewith you. I know that all that brave earnest men can do for a poor weakwoman, whose soul perhaps is lost--no, no, not yet, but is at any rateat stake--you will do. But you must remember that I am not as you are.There is a poison in my blood, in my soul, which may destroy me; whichmust destroy me, unless some relief comes to us. Oh, my friends, youknow as well as I do, that my soul is at stake; and though I know thereis one way out for me, you must not and I must not take it!" She lookedappealingly at us all in turn, beginning and ending with her husband.
"What is that way?" asked Van Helsing in a hoarse voice. "What is thatway, which we must not--may not--take?"
"That I may die now, either by my own hand or that of another, beforethe greater evil is entirely wrought. I know, and you know, that were Ionce dead you could and would set free my immortal spirit, even as youdid my poor Lucy's. Were death, or the fear of death, the only thingthat stood in the way, I would not shrink to die here, now, amidstthe friends who love me. But death is not all. I cannot believe thatto die in such a case, when there is hope before us and a bitter taskto be done, is God's will. Therefore, I on my part, give up here thecertainty of eternal rest, and go out into the dark where may be theblackest things that the world or the nether world holds!" We were allsilent, for we knew instinctively that this was only a prelude. Thefaces of the others were set, and Harker's grew ashen grey; perhaps heguessed better than any of us what was coming. She continued:--
"This is what I can give into the hotch-pot." I could not but notethe quaint legal phrase which she used in such a place, and with allseriousness. "What will each of you give? Your lives, I know," she wenton quickly; "that is easy for brave men. Your lives are God's, and youcan give them back to Him; but what will you give to me?" She lookedagain questioningly, but this time avoided her husband's face. Quinceyseemed to understand; he nodded, and her face lit up. "Then I shalltell you plainly what I want, for there must be no doubtful matter inthis connection between us now. You must promise me, one and all--evenyou, my beloved husband--that, should the time come, you will kill me."
"What is that time?" The voice was Quincey's but it was low andstrained.
"When you shall be convinced that I am so changed that it is better thatI die that I may live. When I am thus dead in the flesh, then you will,without a moment's delay, drive a stake through me and cut off my head;or do whatever else may be wanting to give me rest!"
Quincey was the first to rise after the pause. He knelt down before herand taking her hand in his said solemnly:--
"I'm only a rough fellow, who hasn't, perhaps, lived as a man should towin such a distinction, but I swear to you by all that I hold sacredand dear that, should the time ever come, I shall not flinch from theduty that you have set us. And I promise you, too, that I shall make allcertain, for if I am only doubtful I shall take it that the time hascome!"
"My true friend!" was all she could say amid her fast-falling tears, as,bending over, she kissed his hand.
"I swear the same, my dear Madam Mina!" said Van Helsing.
"And I!" said Lord Godalming, each of them in turn kneeling to her totake the oath. I followed, myself. Then her husband turned to her,wan-eyed and with a greenish pallor which subdued the snowy whiteness ofhis hair, and asked:--
"And must I, too, make such a promise, oh, my wife?"
"You too, my dearest," she said, with infinite yearning of pity inher voice and eyes. "You must not shrink. You are nearest and dearestand all the world to me; our souls are knit into one, for all lifeand all time. Think, dear, that there have been times when brave menhave killed their wives and their womenkind, to keep them from fallinginto the hands of the enemy. Their hands did not falter any the morebecause those that they loved implored them to slay them. It is men'sduty towards those whom they love, in such times of sore trial! Andoh, my dear, if it is to be that I must meet death at any hand, let itbe at the hand of him that loves me best. Dr. Van Helsing, I have notforgotten your mercy in poor Lucy's case to him who loved"--she stoppedwith a flying blush, and changed her phrase--"to him who had best rightto give her peace. If that time shall come again, I look to you to makeit a happy memory of my husband's life that it was his loving handwhich set me free from the awful thrall upon me."
"Again I swear!" came the Professor's resonant voice. Mrs. Harkersmiled, positively smiled, as with a sigh of relief she leaned back andsaid:--
"And now one word of warning, a warning which you must never forget:this time, if it ever come, may come quickly and unexpectedly, and insuch case you must lose no time in using your opportunity. At such atime I myself might be--nay! if the time ever comes, _shall_ be--leaguedwith your enemy against you."
"One more request;" she became very solemn as she said this, "it is notvital and necessary like the other, but I want you to do one thing forme, if you will." We all acquiesced, but no one spoke; there was no needto speak:--
"I want you to read the Burial Service." She was interrupted by a deepgroan from her husband; taking his hand in hers, she held it over herheart, and continued: "You must read it over me some day. Whatever maybe the issue of all this fearful state of things, it will be a sweetthought to all or some of us. You, my dearest, will, I hope, read it,for then it will be in your voice in my memory for ever--come what may!"
"But oh, my dear one," he pleaded, "death is afar off from you."
"Nay," she said, holding up a warning hand. "I am deeper in death atthis moment than if the weight of an earthly grave lay heavy upon me!"
"Oh, my wife, must I read it?" he said, before he began.
"It would comfort me, my husband!" was all she said; and he began toread when she had got the book ready.
How can I--how could any one--tell of that strange scene, itssolemnity, its gloom, its sadness, its horror; and, withal, itssweetness? Even a sceptic, who can see nothing but a travesty of bittertruth in anything holy or emotional, would have been melted to the hearthad he seen that little group of loving and devoted friends kneelinground that stricken and sorrowing lady; or heard the tender passion ofher husband's voice, as in tones so broken with emotion that often hehad to pause, he read the simple and beautiful service for the Burialof the Dead. "I--I cannot go on--words--and--v-voice--f-fail m-me!"....