Especially since I was pregnant.
I zipped up my suitcase and set it in the corner. I had my casual clothes in it as well as my purse; then I had a couple of nicer outfits in a suit bag, as well as my laptop bag. Everything was packed and ready to go for our early-morning flight at 1:00 a.m.
Now, it was time for dinner with my mother.
I tried gathering my thoughts, and my stomach, as best as I could. I told her I was headed on a business trip, and she wanted to see me before I left town. I drove over to her house, to the place I called my childhood home. I pulled up into the driveway and rolled my eyes when I saw Bernard’s car there. I was hoping it would just be me and her for the night.
Then again, she and Bernard were engaged. He’d be around a lot more in the coming months.
“Hey there, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Mom.”
I hugged her closely before Bernard stepped into the hallway.
“Come here, Olivia. It’s good to see you again,” he said.
I tentatively gave him a hug before we all went and sat around the dinner table.
“So, your father tells me the two of you are talking frequently,” my mother said.
“Word travels fast in this weird family we have, doesn’t it?” I asked.
“I might have pulled a little bit from him yesterday. But you can’t really blame me, can you? I’ve barely heard from you since you started this new job,” she said.
“How is that going, by the way?” Bernard asked.
We all passed around the food and filled up our plates before I answered.
“It’s going well. This trip we’re taking to Amsterdam is supposed to be partially a business trip,” I said.
“And partially not?” my mother asked.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to go to Amsterdam. I’m hoping I’ll get at least a day to explore the city,” I said, grinning.
“Make sure to take lots of pictures for us,” Bernard said, grinning.
“I’ll be sure to do that. Once I can get past the flying aspect,” I said.
“So, how are things going with your father?” my mother asked.
“They’re… going. I’m staying guarded, but it has been nice winding down my days talking with him over the phone,” I said.
“What have you guys been talking about?” Bernard asked.
“Just basic things. How college went. What I want to do with my life. What are some things I enjoy doing around the city. It hasn’t been much. Nothing life-altering,” I said.
“I’m really glad you chose to give him a chance. He’s missed you a lot,” my mother said.
“Yeah, well. A few phone calls doesn’t make up for twenty years. It’s a decent enough start. But I’m not ready to hop onto the ‘Dad’ train yet,” I said.
“No one expects you to. At least, I don’t. But I do think it’s important for you to have some sort of relationship with him. He’s half of you. Half of your DNA. If anything, it’ll give you an idea of where you came from so you can better figure out where you want to go,” Bernard said.
“That’s a really good way to put that, honey. Thank you,” my mother said.
I buried the eye roll I wanted to toss their way as the two of them shared a small kiss. Dinner was nice enough. I wasn’t very hungry, but I was able to get down half my plate. Steak niblets, mashed potatoes with gravy, and garlic grilled asparagus. It was obviously a meal Bernard had cooked. I really had to give it to him as well. He was a fantastic cook. Mom had always been too busy running around between me and Mike and two or three different jobs to learn how to cook anything that didn’t come out of a box. I appreciated the home-cooked meal. Though I wish my nausea wouldn’t have ruined it for me.
“All right, who’s ready for cake?” my mother asked.
Bernard cleaned up the plates, and I felt my stomach roll. The mentioning of “cake” made the world tilt on its axis. I watched my mother’s hazy figure pull a chocolate cake out of the refrigerator, and the smell turned my stomach, flipped it inside out and ejected everything up the back of my throat. I tried swallowing it down. I tried keeping my cool. But I felt a cold sweat break out on the back of my neck and knew I was in trouble.
“Sweetheart, are you all right?” my mother asked.
She set the cake onto the table, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I threw myself out of my chair and stumbled down the hallway, closing myself off in the nearest bathroom. I hit my knees and threw the toilet seat open, throwing up every bit of the dinner I’d just had. Involuntary tears cascaded down my face. I had things coming out of my nose that should have never been there in the first place. My body shook and trembled as I stuffed my face into the toilet, my hands gripping the edges of the porcelain seat.