“I want to.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t seem like it.”
“Why? Of course I do.”
“So, I mean, ar
e you going to keep telling people I’m a kid who’s staying on your couch until he gets on his feet? Because you know that’s not going to work forever.”
“I know.”
“Have you thought about it?”
“I’ve… I try not to.”
“You have to think about it. It can’t stay this way.”
“The church has been my life for as long as I can remember. If they knew….”
Ian shook his head. “Everyone knows already.”
“They don’t know.”
“You’re kidding yourself. They know.”
“They suspect, but they don’t know.”
“What’s the difference?”
“They don’t have to believe it if they don’t want to. If I actually said it….”
“Yeah….” Ian nodded slowly, then reached over to Paul and touched his cheek. His expression reminded Paul of the sympathetic glances people had given him after Sara died.
“I’m sorry I made you feel bad… again,” Paul said.
“Yeah,” Ian said. “Me too.”
Two days later, Mike Davis came to Paul’s office without an appointment. He sat up straight in the chair in front of Paul’s desk with his legs spread wide and his hands resting on his knees. His expression was accusatory.
“I need to talk to you about Ian Finnerty,” he said.
Even though he was not surprised by the purpose of Mike’s visit, Paul felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of Ian. “What about him?”
“This is a little bit awkward for me.” Mike spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “People are concerned about your relationship with him.”
People. What a joke. Mike was the one who was fueling all the rumors and discussion.
“They’re concerned?” Paul asked in an even tone.
“No one has a problem with Ian,” Mike said. “We all like him. But he is a young gay man, and you’re spending a lot of time with him. You understand how that might look to people?”
“How does it look?”
“Suspicious.”
“You’re making this into something ugly. It isn’t.”
“This is serious, Paul. There are some people who are”—he paused to find the right words—“deeply concerned about this. I’ve known you a long time. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you have the kid living in your house. If it’s not what it looks like—if there’s a good reason, explain it to me.”