“Who is it?” Jules’s voice carries through the door.
My brows lift. “Open the door, Jules. I just saw you looking out the window. You know who it is.”
“What do you want, Luca?”
I frown. Something’s not right here. “I want you to open the door.”
“I… can’t,” her muffled voice says hesitantly.
“What in the hell do you mean, you can’t? Are you okay?”
It takes her moment to answer, and when she does, I hear the quiver in her voice. “Because I don’t want to.”
I take a step back and glare at the door, not understanding what she means. Why in the fuck wouldn’t she want to answer the door? It’s clear it’s me she doesn’t want to face.
Understanding dawns, and my stomach clenches.
“You remember,” I state hoarsely.
“No.” Her tone isn’t much stronger than mine. The answer comes out pained, which sends a sharp stab to my chest. “Theo told me.”
I stuff my hands inside my pockets to keep from punching the brick beside the door. I don’t know what pisses me off more; Theo telling Jules what I did or me doing what I did. I should have known Theo would tell her eventually if she didn’t remember on her own. I’m actually surprised he hadn’t done it earlier. Jules has a right to know, and Theo had the right to tell her, but damn if it doesn’t hurt. I don’t want her to think of me with fear or disgust.
Taking my hands out of my pockets, I put them on the door and hang my head in shame. “I’m sorry,” I mutter, but I know she hears me. The door is shit and thin.
I don’t expect an answer from her, but it still guts me when she stays silent.
“I don’t know what to say, Jules. All I know is I never meant to hurt you.”
Hearing her sniffle on the other side of the door plummets my heart into my stomach.
“Do you really not remember?”
“No.” I let out a harsh laugh. “I guess we both have problems remembering the darkest parts of our lives. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or curse.”
I lay my forehead against the door, and I swear I feel the warmth of her doing the same.
“I don’t want to remember,” she says softly. “I don’t want to imagine you hurting me.”
“Jules….” I stop, unable to form the words I want to. How do you apologize for something you don’t remember doing? I am remorseful, but the apology seems dishonest because I don’t know what I’m apologizing for.
Instead I think about the reason I’m here in the first place, or the excuse I gave myself to see her again.
I clear my throat and ask, “Are you okay? Ella said she called you and you sounded weird. Is everything all right with Theo?”
“Y-yes.”
Her stutter on the word convinces me she’s lying. I grind my molars as I think about Theo hurting her.
“What happened?” I ask, letting her know I don’t believe her.
She turns quiet again and the silence grates on my nerves and heats my blood.
After a moment, she replies, her tone firmer than it was seconds ago. It still doesn’t fool me.
“Everything is fine, Luca. I’m just trying to adjust to married life and it’s taking time. Please tell Ella I’m sorry for worrying her, but there’s nothing for her to be concerned about. I’ll call her later.”
“Please open the door, Jules, and let me see you. I promise I won’t come in the house. You can even keep the chain on. I just need to see you, not only for Ella’s sake but mine as well.”