I don’t tell him what he’s doing right now is already going too far. It’s me, I know it is. It’s not anything he’s done. It’s my stupid head and the crazy things running through it. It’s my mind not letting me enjoy it, and not willing to give Theo a chance.
I draw in a breath and fortify my resolve. After I nod, I respond meekly with, “Okay.”
His head drops to my throat, where he inhales deeply. After several moments, his hand at my shorts slowly inches the material down my legs. Once they’re off, I lie there tautly. His hand smooths up my legs until he reaches the apex of my thighs. Not realizing I’m doing it, my legs press together tightly, unconsciously trying to keep him out.
“Open your legs for me, Jules. I promise to make it good for you.”
I stare up at the ceiling as I open my legs, unable to look at him. I will my body to respond, to give even the smallest inkling that what he’s doing feels good.
Disappointment and misery hit when I feel nothing. Maybe I’m broke
n and incapable of feeling desire.
I desperately want to believe that, but when Luca’s face comes to mind again, I know it’s not true.
My jaw clenches when Theo lifts himself over me, settling between my legs. Thankfully, he still has on a pair of sweatpants. His fingers brush against my opening, and I force myself to relax against the pillow. Before I have time to prepare, he thrusts his fingers inside. I’m not used to the intrusion, so it hurts. I grab his wrist again, trying to push his hand away. He doesn’t let me, but he doesn’t push his fingers in deeper either.
“Shh… I’m sorry,” he murmurs, lightly kissing along my jaw. “I’ll be more gentle. I just got too excited. Please, Jules. Let me do this.”
My fingers tighten on his wrist, before I release it. Tears brim in my eyes at the pain of his forceful invasion of my body, but I try to relax.
His fingers move slowly in and out of me. I’m dry, which makes the action even worse. When his thumb moves over my clit, I feel a little tingle, and hope rushes through me. Maybe my memory loss of losing my virginity to him is preventing me from enjoying what’s going on, because I haven’t had time to form a bond with him. Maybe my body just needs to warm up.
His movements become quicker, and the tingle I felt moments ago is gone. Panic starts to set in.
No! No! No! This isn’t right! my mind screams.
“Theo—” I start, but he slants his lips over mine, forestalling my efforts to stop him.
His fingers become rougher as he thrusts another inside me. It burns so much that I try to cry out, but with Theo’s mouth over mine it makes it come out as a whimper. I attempt to turn my head away, but he’s putting too much pressure against my lips to do so. The stinging becomes worse, and I swear it feels like he’s shoving his whole hand in me.
I grab his wrist, but he overpowers my efforts to push his hand away by forcefully jamming his fingers into me harder. I thrash my legs, trying to get my feet up to his hips to shove him from me, but again, he’s too strong.
Terror slams into me when his fingers pull away, and I feel him fumbling with his sweatpants. The tip of his dick touches my entrance, and I double my efforts to get him to stop. I manage to bite his tongue, and he hisses and rears back.
“Please, Theo,” I cry. “It hurts. You promised we wouldn’t go all the way.”
His chest is heaving, and his eyes look wild as he stares down at me. I hold my breath, hoping he comes to his senses and realizes what he’s doing is wrong.
After a moment, he mutters bitterly, “Sorry. I was going to stop.”
I don’t know what to say, because what he was doing is not okay. He doesn’t even sound very apologetic. And I have no doubt he wouldn’t have stopped. He was too far gone in his head. His need was ruling him.
His head drops to my shoulder and his hot breath fans against my flesh, sending revulsion through me. My legs are still wide open with him between them, and I wish he would move.
I’m both shocked and disgusted when he shifts his hips and his shaft comes into contact with my nether lips.
His groan sounds pained. “God, Jules. I need to come so bad. Just let me rub my dick against your pussy. I promise I won’t push in.”
I gasp and shove against his shoulders, digging my heels into the mattress and heaving myself up the bed. His head is forced to lift from my neck.
“You’re fucking sick, Theo!” I shout at him. “You almost raped me, and now you’re asking if you can get off by rubbing your dick against me? What in the hell is wrong with you?”
His brows slash down and the scowl on his face should frighten me, but I’m beyond that at the moment. I can’t believe he would ask me that after what he did.
I scramble back until I’m against the headboard. Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrap my arms around my legs, hugging them tight.
“I wasn’t going to rape you,” he says heatedly, getting to his knees. His dick is still hanging out of his sweatpants. He’s hard. I jerk my eyes back to his, unable to stomach the sight of it. “I told you I was going to stop.”