I go through this every night, and every night I wonder if I made a mistake in ending things between us. But then I think about all the pain and worry I would inadvertently be putting him through, and realize that yes, I did do the right thing.
And just like every night, my moans become cries of pain, not only for the ache in my body, but the soul-shattering pain I feel in my heart.
Please, God, help me through this.
Chapter Fifteen
Colt
I quietly pull the front door closed behind me and head straight for the hallway that’ll lead me to Abby’s room. It’s dark and quiet when I enter. My eyes briefly land on the man that’s silently sitting in a chair in the far corner, before settling in on the woman lying on the bed, unknowingly scissoring her legs, trying to relieve the ache between them. Little whimpers leave her lips, sending icy pricks of pain to my stomach.
“How is she?” I ask Nathan, as I peel my shirt over my head.
He unfolds his body from the chair, comes to stand at my side, and we both look down at Abby. I’ve been here every night since the night she ended things between us. She doesn’t know it, and would probably freak the fuck out if she did, but there is no way I’m going to let her go through this pain if there’s a way I can stop it. Nathan was reluctant at first to agree to my plan, but when he saw her crying in her sleep, knowing there was nothing else that could be done, he relented. I always make sure I’m gone before she wakes up. She may have thought she broke things off, but that’s the very last thing she did. I’m just biding my time until it’s the right time to come clean. Her supply of pills is dwindling, so I know it won’t be long before I have to confess my sins. She’ll be pissed, but she’ll have to get over it.
I love this girl too damn much for it to end for something like this. Yes, it’s a huge deal, but not so huge we can’t overcome it.
“The same as every night this week,” Nathan says quietly beside me. “You’re running out of time. You need to tell her.”
“I know.” My eyes land briefly on the pill bottle on her nightstand.
He doesn’t say anything else, for some reason trusting I know what I’m doing, and silently slips out the door. I look over my shoulder and watch it close behind him. To be honest, I haven’t the first clue what I’m doing. I just know that I refuse for Abby to do this alone. She has Nathan and her friends, but they don’t have what she needs.
I pull the rest of my clothes off and slip under the sheets behind her. Guilt
tries to push its way in, but I don’t let it. I know what I’m doing isn’t traditional, and may seem too taboo for some to grasp, but when in a situation like this, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish what I need accomplished. And that’s helping Abby.
I pull her fevered, but clammy body against mine, and she instantly relaxes. She always does. Her body knows I’m here, even if her mind is numb from the pills. Guilt festers again when she rubs her ass against my hard cock, but again, I push it away.
“Colt,” she murmurs in her sleep. Her whispered murmurs of my name and her body melting against mine is the only reason I allow myself to take her while she’s sleeping. Had she not known it was me, I wouldn’t. I would be stuck by her bedside, slowly dying inside, while I watched her suffer.
“I’m here, Abby,” I whisper against her temple, knowing she’ll hear me, but not wake up.
“Mmm…”
She lifts her leg, and I slip my cock against her opening, not sliding inside yet. There’s one more thing I wait for from her before I take her.
“Abby, do you want this? Do you want my cock inside you?” I ask the same question I’ve asked her every night this week. I know it’s sneaky, and she doesn’t really know what she’s saying, but I still need to hear her give me permission.
“I need you, Colt,” she whimpers sleepily, giving me the same answer she always does.
I slip one arm between her and the mattress, and wrap it around her waist, while gripping her hip with the other. I rock my hips forward until I’m firmly planted inside her. Her ass meets my pelvic bone, and we both moan in unison, the pleasure gripping us both instantly. The snug feeling of her wrapped around me has my body already tightening up, and I have to force my release back. I bend my knees and rest her raised leg on top of one of mine. I gently make love to her in her drug-induced state, hating that’s it’s come to this, but secretly loving that I’m the only man that can give her body what it needs. Nathan’s told me she refuses to go out to meet new men. When I found this out, I had to restrain myself from doing a fucking fist pump, like some damn teenage fool.
I slowly rock my hips forward as I pull her back to me. It’s the only time she’s allowed me to make love to her. When she’s awake, she wants it fast and rough, like she’s afraid her body won’t get enough if she isn’t taken roughly. I relish these moments more than I should.
I kiss along her neck and shoulders, and she moans as I do so. Her nails dig into my forearms and her breaths come out in pants. She sleeps the entire time, but a part of her still knows I’m here. I don’t know if she’s dreaming, but she still participates, as if she’s merely too exhausted and can barely move.
I move my hand to flick my finger against her clit, earning me another sweet moan. Knowing I could be giving myself away if she were to notice it, but not caring, I lick along the back of her neck and latch my lips and teeth and suck greedily, leaving behind a mark. My own body starts to tremble and shake with pleasure. I want so badly to flip her to her back and take her as I look into her stunning green eyes. I want to kiss her lips softly, and murmur sweet words of love and devotion. I want to feel her legs wrapped around my hips, and have her hands run down my back. I’m every bit into fucking rough as the next man, but sometimes, you need to take your time and cherish the person you’re with. During these times when I take her, I love our slow movements.
It never takes either of us long to reach our peak, but I always make sure she’s pushed over the edge first. She shudders in her sleep, her pussy spasming around my cock, and I follow behind her, catching the last of her orgasm as mine begins. She always moans deep in her throat when she feels the warmth of my cum filling her.
Her sigh of relief loosens the tight grip around my heart. She relaxes against me, her trembling subsides, and her breathing evens out more, telling me she’s fallen into a deeper sleep than she was before due to her body’s demand not being met. I gently run my hands down her side, kissing the exposed skin of her neck and shoulder. These are the only times I get to see and feel her, so I take full advantage. Her smell intoxicates me. She may be addicted to sex, but I’m addicted to her, and I don’t want to be cured of it. Lying with her cradled in my arms, even if she doesn’t realize it, settles a huge weight in my chest. I need these times to help me get through the day.
It was almost two in the morning when I got here. Now it’s going on three. I normally leave about this time, just to be on the safe side, but I don’t want to leave yet. The drugs will start wearing off soon, so I can’t stay much longer, but I need a few more minutes.
Getting up on an elbow, I look down at the beauty laying before me. I brush the hair away from her face and just watch as she sleeps. If doing this, watching her sleep without her knowledge is wrong, then being right is way overrated. The light from the cracked bathroom door gives just enough light to show off her cute little pout. Her thick lashes lay against her cheeks, and I’m grateful to see the sheen of sweat and the flushed look are gone. She always looks content after I’ve taken her, and there is no better feeling than knowing I do that for her. I relieve her body of the ache it has. It’s me that helps her throughout the night.
Through Nathan, I know that her days are a lot better than what they would be if I didn’t come to her, but she still looks tired by the time he gets here in the evening. I don’t like knowing he sees her in a state of such desperation, especially the cause of her anxiety, but if I can’t be here, I’m glad someone she knows is, even if Nathan told me that he would fuck her if she asked. I know she won’t ask. She seems to think I wouldn’t have any faith in her ability to stop herself from having sex with another guy if there were a time I couldn’t be there, but I honestly think she wouldn’t. It’s not in her to cheat on someone, even in her situation.