She returns my smile, her eyes lighting with confidence. “I sure hope so.”
I turn to the kids. “You guys ready?”
Daniel jumps up from his seat, carelessly stuffing papers in his book bag. “Yep.”
Kelsey demurely gets up from the desk and is a lot more careful with putting things away. Sometimes I catch myself looking at her and it hurts how withdrawn she is and how adult-like she seems. She should to be hanging out with friends and pointing out how gross boys are.
We bid Val goodbye and head for the door. As we walk down the hallway, Daniel
looks up at me. “I made a good grade on my reading test.”
“That’s good, sweetie. I’m proud of you.”
His look turns coy, and I wait for what’s coming next.
“Since I did good on my test, could we go get ice cream today?”
I laugh, not at all surprised.
“Nice try, kid, but we’ve got chores to do, and I’ve got papers to grade.” I ruffle his hair to lighten the refusal, but his face still falls. I hate when they get disappointed. They’ve both been in a down mood lately. I know why, but I ignore the reason behind the behavior. Because I’m a sucker, I retract my answer and offer instead, “How about this, you and your sister get your chores done in record time, and I may take you out for barbeque at Blu’s. And ice cream is still on for tomorrow.”
“Really?” he asks, jumping up and down.
“Yep.”
My grin is so big it hurts my face. I haven’t seen enough of Daniel’s smiles lately, and Kelsey’s been even more withdrawn than usual.
“You hear that, Kels?” Daniel says, running over to his sister. “If we get our chores done quickly, we get barbeque!”
She watches him with a blank expression, but gives him a single nod, her usual reply. He doesn’t let the lack of response take away from his exuberant happiness, although, deep down I know it bothers him that Kelsey never speaks or plays with him anymore. Before Will died, Kelsey took her role as a big sister seriously. She was constantly by his side, making sure he never got hurt and stayed happy. She played with him anytime he asked. When he was a baby, she insisted on helping care for him. She was like a mini momma. Because of that, they were very close. After Will passed away, she stopped. She stopped everything. I’ve explained to Daniel several times why, and he says he understands, but I know it still hurts him.
The sky is cloudy when we walk out of the school doors, and I wonder what the chances are it’ll rain. I hope it holds off until we get back from Blu’s. Surprisingly, the weather is warmer than normal for this time of year. The weatherman says we’re having a very warm winter, despite the harsh beginning.
We only live a couple miles from the school, so the trip is short. Daniel bounces in his seat the entire time, singing along to the music I have playing on the radio. He has a knack for remembering songs after only hearing them a few times.
When I turn the corner to our street, I unconsciously let up on the gas pedal when I see the familiar old blue truck sitting in our driveway. My palms immediately start to sweat against the steering wheel and my heart rate picks up.
It’s been three weeks since I’ve seen Alexander, and every day of those weeks, I’ve felt the loss of him like a sledgehammer has been slammed into my stomach. I’ve done pretty well ignoring the constant pain, but seeing him sitting on our porch steps as I pull into the driveway brings it back full force.
I miss him so much. Much more than I should for only knowing him a few short weeks. And the kids, I know they’ve missed him too. It’s been apparent in the way they’ve been moping around the house. Daniel’s asked after him several times, and the only thing I can tell him is Alexander’s been busy with work. I hate lying to my kids, but I hate hurting them more, and I know it’ll hurt him if I were to tell him Alexander doesn’t want to see us anymore.
His absence has affected Kelsey too. She rarely comes out of her room, and when she does, it’s only to eat, shower, or when I make her. It’s not healthy for her to stay locked up in her room all the time, so I make her come out at least for a couple hours each day. I was in her room a week ago putting clothes away and found the two notebooks Alexander made her at the bottom of her sock drawer. The sight of her hiding them away brought tears to my eyes.
I’ve caught myself several times reaching for my phone to call and see how he’s doing. I know he cares about us, but I refuse to push our presence on him.
“Look!” Daniel shouts as I put the car in park. “It’s Alexander!”
Before I have the chance to turn off the truck, Daniel throws open his door and is running toward him. Kelsey and I get out at a slower pace. I look over at Kelsey across the hood of the car and find her looking at Alexander, her expression showing her vulnerability.
I grab my messenger bag and purse and lock my car. I know I’m stalling for time, but I have no idea what to expect. He made it clear without really saying anything that whatever was transpiring between us was over.
Alexander stands when Kelsey and I make our way toward him. Daniel stands beside him talking animatedly, but his eyes remain on mine. They hold something deep, but I’m not sure what the emotion is.
“Hey,” he says, his voice deep and gruff. “Jeremy gave me your address.”
It didn’t dawn on me until then to question how he knew where we lived.
“Hi.” I shift from one foot to the other, waiting for him to continue.