“It’s time,” I say simply.
No one says anything else after that, and I look over at Rella sitting one cushion away from me. Her expression is pensive, and it makes me wonder what she’s thinking. It’s only a moment later she lets me know.
“How did it feel?” she asks calmly, her hands laced together in her lap.
She doesn’t need to clarify. I know exactly what she’s asking. It’s not often I’m surprised, but I am mildly by her question.
“It felt fuckin’ great,” I tell her truthfully.
She licks her lips and nods, an inkling of pleasure on her face.
“I wish I had been there.”
“Rella—”
“No, Trouble,” she interrupts, turning to face him. “I don’t care if it makes me a bad person. They were bad people too and deserved nothing less than the pain Aziah inflicted on them. They were all just wasted space that shouldn’t have been given life. Aziah was only correcting that mistake.”
He frowns, knowing she speaks the truth. I know it’s hard on him, hearing his sister speak so lightly of taking life, even though he, JW, Judge, and I have taken away lives ourselves. To him, she’s still his innocent little sister who would never hurt a fly. To me, she recognizes the truth. People like the ones who took part in the Hell Night activities have no place on earth. They were born to live out the rest of their existence in hell.
It doesn’t make Rella a bad person. She’s still good, and despite the abuse she endured, the mental damage it’s done to her, she’s still pure.
And if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll make sure she always is.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
RELLA
I SIT ON THE FRONT PORCH, my eyes continuously darting to the road. Every time I hear a car approaching, my heartbeat accelerates. It’s only been forty-five minutes since he left, but for some reason it feels like four hours. Since I’ve been back, I haven’t gone this long without Aziah being around in some way or another. His presence is always there, even if it was on the other side of a door or across the room. Not having him here makes me feel unsettled and off-balance.
When he left, I could tell he didn’t like it either. Whatever he had to take care of must have been important, because I know he wouldn’t have left otherwise.
I snap the hair tie I have around my wrist over and over again, then look down at the red mark it leaves behind. Sometimes when I’m not able to use a blade against my thighs, I use my hair tie. It doesn’t give the comfort a blade does, but if I do it tight enough it’ll occupy my mind so my skin doesn’t crawl.
I look up when a dog barks. Out on the street is a woman walking her pet. Her eyes are on me curiously. One thing that has always frayed my nerves is having people stare at me. The couple times I’ve been away from Trouble’s house, I’ve tried to ignore them, but I still felt their eyes on me. What surprises me is that I wasn’t consumed with the thought of hiding myself. I still felt the fear and anxiety, but it seemed muted somehow.
The lady smiles and waves at me. Not wanting to encourage anything further than a wave, but also not wanting to appear rude by ignoring her, I give her small wave back. I let out a sigh w
hen she continues on her way.
Hearing an engine, I perk up when I see Aziah’s car coming down the road. I stand from the porch swing as he parks behind Trouble’s truck. Ridiculous excitement makes me jittery as he gets out and walks to the porch. The closer he gets, the more relaxed his face becomes, as if he’s just as relieved as I am that he’s back. It’s stupid to be so dependent on him, but I can’t find it in me to care. My excuse is I have a lot of missed years to make up.
“Hi,” I say lamely with an awkward wave.
If I’m not mistaken, his lips twitch. I still haven’t seen Aziah smile since I’ve been here, and I’m looking forward to seeing it one day.
My gaze drifts down to his hand, and I suck in a sharp breath before it flies back to his. “Is that…?” I stop because my throat is suddenly tight.
“Boo?” He climbs the rest of the stairs and stops a foot away from me. “Yes.”
He holds the brown stuffed rabbit out to me. He’s dingy, and his hair is matted down in spots, but I’ve never been more excited to see something in my life.
Tears appear in my eyes as I reach out a shaky hand for my favorite stuffed animal. I slept with this rabbit every night and carried him with me everywhere for years, ever since Aziah got him for me for my eighth birthday. The day the boys changed the gazebo into a fairy tale. I cherished this thing like it was a real rabbit.
I pull it to my chest and bend my head, stuffing my face against his ears and breathing in deep. It smells like Aziah, which makes the experience of having him again all the better.
“How did you get this?”
I missed Boo almost as much as I missed Trouble and the others. I was devastated when I realized a couple of days after I woke up at Gabriela and Marco’s that I didn’t have him anymore.