He nods. “That’s understandable. After what he did, it’s no surprise you’re scared.”
I shift so I’m facing him more. “He wants us to move to Malus with him once Maisy is better,” I tell him.
“I figured as much. Are you going to?”
I shrug. “We’ll go for the summer and see how it is. I won’t let him bully me into it though. Maisy comes first, always. If she’s not happy there, then we’ll come back and I’ll deal with whatever he throws at me.”
He gives the end of my ponytail a gentle yank. “I’m going to miss you both. It’ll be too quiet around here with you gone.”
I smile sadly at him. “We may be back.” I laugh lightly. “Hell, you may never get rid of us.”
He shakes his head slowly. “You won’t be back.”
I turn away and look back in the room. I get the sense that he’s right. Judge won my heart the first day I met him all those years ago, and I never got it back. Even now, watching him tuck our daughter into bed, whispering soft words I can’t hear that leave a sleepy smile on Maisy’s face, I want back what we once had. I’m not there yet, but I know I’ll end up giving in to him.
I just hope this time he doesn’t completely crush the heart he holds so easily in his hands.
Chapter Twelve
JUDGE
THIS FUCKING HURTS. A shit ton more than I anticipated. I’m a thirty-eight-year-old man, a man who hasn’t cried since I was a child, a man who’s been through hell and back and has even caused hell for some people, and I have a lump in my throat the size of Texas.
I can deal with my own grief over leaving Maisy, but watching her beautiful green eyes fill with tears damn near has me losing my shit. It’s never sat well with me, seeing a child cry, but witnessing your own child do it…. Fuck, that’s what pain is made of.
I’m at the front door with my bag on the floor at my feet. Maisy has her arms wrapped around my waist in a death grip, her face buried in my lower stomach. Ellie’s several feet away, her hand at her mouth and her eyes glassy with unspent tears. I don’t know if they stem from seeing Maisy so distraught or if it’s because she doesn’t want me to leave. I like to think it’s both.
I haven’t touched Ellie since last week; the day we brought Maisy home. It’s been pure hell being around her, but I’m giving her time. It was a split-second decision; one I knew in the back of my head the whole time but refused to acknowledge until then. Hearing Maisy call me daddy for the first time changed shit for me. It brought back things I thought I’d lost. I wanted it all. I wanted what I never wanted before, except with Ellie. A wife and children. What I told Ellie was the truth. There’s no fucking way I could ever just be a civil co-parent with her. It was stupid to even entertain the idea. I want every soft touch, every silent demand, every warm embrace. Quiet talks in the night, surrounding her body with mine. Waking to morning kisses and evenings at the dinner table. Once I set my mind on something, I don’t give up until I get it. And I want Ellie in every sense of the word.
I snap my gaze away from Ellie when Maisy sniffs. Bending down, I carefully scoop her up, mindful of her stitches. Her arms latch around my neck, her red-rimmed eyes meeting mine.
“You’re breaking my heart, Mase,” I rumble through a thick throat.
“I’m sorry.” She hiccups out a sob, and it leaves another laceration on my soul.
“You’ll be coming to Malus in a few weeks,” I remind her.
Tears drip from her chin onto my shirt as her bottom lip wobbles. “B-but, what if you change your mind? What if you don’t want me?”
I lean my face closer to hers. “That would never happen in a million years. Ever, Maisy.”
“You promise?”
I brush away her tears with the pad of my thumb. “I promise. There’s nothing that could make me not want you. I’ll call you each night before you go to bed.”
“Can we Skype?”
I smile. “We can definitely Skype.”
“Okay.”
She tightens her arms around my shoulders and burrows her face into my neck. Her tears continue to fall, but she’s not sobbing like she was before.
I wait until she pulls back, because there’s no way I can do it myself, before I set her on her feet. She immediately goes to her mom and fastens her arms around her waist. I take two steps toward Ellie, but stop myself before I get too close. If I’m within touching range, there’s no way I’ll be able to hold back from yanking her into my arms. Distance is better right now.
“I’ll call you once I land,” I inform her.
She clears her throat, but it still sounds hoarse. “Thank you.”