“One grabbed me around my waist and slammed his hand over my mouth before I could scream. As I was dragged backward, I remember seeing someone walk out of the store toward their car. I tried to bite the guy’s hand to let me go. I needed to scream to get the person’s attention before they got in their car. I never got the chance though. I was pulled into an alley out of sight. Another guy appeared in front of me. I was so scared.
“He demanded I hand over my wallet and anything valuable I had. In my upset state, I forgot my purse in my car, but for some reason brought my dead phone. The only other thing I had of value on me was the tennis bracelet you bought me. I didn’t want to give it to them, but they snatched it off my wrist. When they realized my phone and bracelet were the only things they were getting from me, it angered them. The first hit to my ribs stunned me enough that I thought I was going to pass out. I had never been hit in my life. The guy behind me was still holding me up. His hand fell from my mouth, but I was out of breath so I couldn’t scream.”
I open my eyes and rest my chin on my knees. Tears gather in my eyes, and this time I let them slip free.
“The next hit was to my face. After the third hit, the guy who was holding me let me go. I fell to my knees, but before I could fall the rest of the way, a third guy appeared. The punch he landed against my cheek bone hurt worse than all the others.”
I blink rapidly, trying to force away the phantom pain in my face.
“I don’t remember anything after that. Apparently, the guy I saw coming out of the store happened to drive past the alley where I was and caught the guys attacking me. I woke up in the hospital two days later. It was then that I found out I was pregnant. The doctor said he doesn’t know how the fetus survived. He called her a miracle baby.”
I’m quiet after that for several moments. The only sound in the room is Judge’s harsh breathing.
“For a long time, I blamed you. You weren’t the one who attacked me, but I would have never been on that street had you not kicked me out that night. The therapist I saw afterward said I was keeping Maisy a secret as a form of punishment.” I shrug and wipe my nose with my shirt sleeve. “I don’t know. I probably was, but that wasn’t the only reason. Rationally, I knew the odds of this happening was very low, but I had the fear that if you rejected Maisy, something horrible would happen to her.”
I stop talking. I’m scared to look at Judge. Worried he won’t believe my story, or even worse, not care. Of course, I’ve got a crap ton of medical records to prove what I’m saying is the truth, not to mention the scars, but if he doubts me, after the pain, heartbreak, and fear I went through that night, I’m not sure that’s something I can handle.
Gathering my courage, I lift my head and look to the side where I feel him standing beside the couch. He has his hands shoved into his pockets, but by the bulges I see through the material, I know they’re fisted. His face is red, the muscle in his jaw bunches, and his lips form a straight line. It’s his eyes though that speaks volumes. They look irate. No, that’s not strong enough. They look like pure wrath. Like he’s on the verge of destroying something.
He’s facing me, and his eyes pin me in place. I begin to shake at the dark look. I hug my legs tighter against me.
“Were they ever convicted?” His growled words are low.
I force the thick lump down my throat, lick my lips, and answer. “Two of them were. They were sentenced to fourteen years. The third one got away.”
He twists his head to the side like he’s trying to loosen the muscles. I hear a loud pop.
“Do they know who the third man was? His name?”
I shake my head slowly. “No. The two guys refused to give up the third guy’s name.
He jerks his head up in a motion resembling a nod and turns away from me. He pulls one of his hands from his pocket and squeezes the back of his neck, the pulse in his temple throbbing. I can’t pull my eyes away from him as he stands there silently. He does so for so long that I jolt when he speaks.
“You should have come back,” he says, his voice strained. “You should have come back to my apartment. I would have helped you.”
I swipe the heel of my palm under my eyes. “I know that now. I knew it then too, but I couldn’t bare to see you again. Not after what you said. Not after you forced me to leave. What those guys did to me hurt. It hurt beyond anything I could have imagined. But the pain of losing you was so much more.”
He flinches. I have a side view of his face, but there’s no mistaking the devastation and remorse he’s feeling. That’s part of the reason why I didn’t want to tell him. Yes, for a long time I blamed Judge for what happened to me. He hurt me, but I was also angry. It took me years to realize that it wasn’t his fault. Even though he no longer wanted me, I knew he wouldn’t want me to be hurt. When I made the decision to ask him for help, I knew once he discovered what happened that night, he would blame himself. He may have played a part, but he would have never let me leave that apartment if he even suspected what would happen.
“I’m sorry.” A knot forms in my stomach at the ravaged way the words come out. “I’m so Goddamn sorry, Ellie.”
I get up from the couch and walk over to him. His eyes flash to me when I touch his arm. Rejection is a bitch, and she has her sharp claws
in me when he takes a step back.
“It’s taking everything in me to not go off the rails. I can’t—” He stops abruptly and shakes his head. “Just don’t touch me right now.”
I nod and hug my stomach to give my hands something to do.
“Why?” I ask suddenly.
“Why, what?”
I rub my lips together before I ask what I’ve always wanted to know. Something I’ve never understood.
“We were happy, weren’t we? I mean, those six months wasn’t just my imagination. What made you fall out of love with me? What did I do wrong?”
My nose burns when more tears form. I quickly sniff and try my best to keep them back. Judge looks away from me and takes several moments to answer.