Xoey wiggles in my arms and slowly opens her eyes to look at me.
“Hi,” I say softly. “Aren’t you beautiful?”
She wiggles her nose and I take it to mean she knows. She’s so tiny and perfect. Holding her doesn’t pain me as much as I thought it would. In fact, I feel a sort of peace settle over me.
When one life ends, another begins.
As much as the end hurts, the beginning is always a miracle.
Jace
I watch Nova carefully from the corner of my eye as I drive her to her first doctor’s appointment.
I haven’t told her, since I don’t want to upset her, but I’m scared if something goes wrong she’s going to plummet worse than before.
Do I believe something is going to wrong again?
No. I definitely don’t.
But I still can’t shake the fear of what if.
I swear those two fucking words are the worst in the English language when paired together.
“What’s wrong?” Nova asks me.
“Nothing,” I reply automatically.
“Jace,” she warns. “We said we were going to be open with our feelings, remember? That includes any doubts you might be having.”
“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”
“Nope.” She smiles blindingly at me.
I sigh, tightening my hand around the steering wheel. “I don’t think anything is going to go wrong this time, I really don’t, but … but I still have this fear something might and I’m going to lose you again.”
She shakes her head adamantly. “I was coming back to you before you came. Trust me, I realize what an idiot was, and I’m not going to make the same mistake again. I promise.”
My chest eases slightly. “Have you heard from Owen at all?” I haven’t asked about him, because frankly I haven’t wanted to know, but the thought of him is always there, prickling in the back of my mind like a pesky mosquito.
She shakes her head. “No, and I haven’t contacted him. I’m sure he’s angry with me, and I can’t blame him. What I did … going to him, I gave him false hope even though that was never my intention.” She looks away sadly.
“He’ll find his own person one day,” I tell her, reaching for her hand with my free one, “and when he does, he’ll realize what a fool he was for holding on so long when there was something else out there, greater, waiting for him.”
She nods and smiles back. “You’re right. All I want is for him to be happy like I am.”
“He will be, one day.”
We arrive at the doctor’s office and I park. Both of us sit still, staring at the building.
Nova’s the first to move. “We’re going to be late,” she warns.
She doesn’t sound worried, or stressed, but she could be hiding it, or maybe I’m doing enough of it for the both of us.
I get out and follow her inside, my heart racing.
My feeling that everything is going to be fine is suddenly gone once we’re inside the cheery yellow waiting room. My gut is screaming that they’re going to tell us something’s wrong, or not quite right. I feel shaky and sick.
I take a seat while Nova signs in.