I finally close my fingers around it and pull it to me.
I flip it around and in the little screen staring straight at me is PREGNANT.
“Thea?”
I look up and find Xander standing in the doorway of the bathroom.
His eyes roam over the scene—the bag on the counter, the boxes, and me on the floor with the pregnancy test in my hand.
“Thea?” he says again. “What’s … What’s going on? Is that …?”
I swallow thickly. I can’t hide it from him, I mean, I’m sitting right here with the stupid thing in my hand and I’m freaking the fuck out.
Tears fill my eyes and I nod, holding the test out to him so he can see.
He takes it from me, shock filling his eyes. His lips part and he looks from it to me. “What? When? How?”
My sarcasm rears its ugly head. “Well, the how is pretty obvious.”
“You’re pregnant?” He looks from the test to me and back again.
“According to that thing.”
He drops to his knees in front of me. The shock is still written all over his face.
“We’re having a baby?” he asks me.
I nod, tears falling from my eyes.
He grins at me, and reaches out to place his hand on my flat stomach.
“Wow,” he murmurs. “We’re going to have a baby, Thea. This is crazy.”
His smile is huge. I can tell he’s beyond happy. And me? I don’t know what I feel. Not happiness. Instead, I’m consumed by an overwhelming fear. I can’t take care of a baby. I can barely take care of myself.
I know it’s wrong, but I almost feel angry … No, not angry, but jealous that he’s happy. This should be my moment, one of the best in my life, and I don’t feel happy.
Does that already make me a horrible mom?
Have I already managed to fail at this parenting thing before it even starts?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not thinking of doing anything drastic, but I’m not ready for a baby. I’m not even twenty-three yet and now I’m going to be a mom?
I know plenty of people younger than me are having kids, but they’re different from me. I wanted to wait.
I guess fate had other plans.
Xander wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. I’m still stunned and don’t move my arms for a minute, but I eventually hug hi
m back.
He kisses me, and I’m wooden against him. Normally, I come alive when he touches me or kisses me, but I’m nothing but cold right now.
He cups my cheek, pressing his forehead to mine. “I know you didn’t want a baby now, but something tells me this is going to be the best thing to happen to us.”
I press my lips together. I hope he’s right.
“I’m scared,” I admit.