“It’s going to be okay.” He keeps saying that over and over and I think it’s more for himself than me.
There’s a knock on the door and then it opens to reveal a nurse.
“Hi, I’m Alena. We want to get you hooked up to a fetal heart monitor since you said you weren’t feeling much, if any, movement.”
My terrified eyes dart to Xander and he looks as scared as I feel.
What if there is no heartbeat?
I pull up the gown for her, revealing my stomach and she comes over with the monitor.
As soon as it’s on the steady whoosh whoosh whooshing sound fills the air and I burst into tears again.
“That’s the greatest thing I’ve ever heard,” I tell the nurse.
Xander stands at my side, rubbing my forehead and when I tilt my head back to look up at him I find him wiping away tears of relief.
“The doctor will be in soon to check your water. The heartbeat sounds great, though. Breathe, guys,” she encourages.
Xander sits down in the chair again, wrapping our fingers together. His dark hair falls over his forehead into his eyes and I reach to push it back, gliding my fingers over his cheek in the process.
“I thought things were fine and I believed my mom, but when you said you weren’t feeling her move …” he pauses, gathering a shaky breath. “Fuck, Thea, I’ve never felt fear like that before.”
“I was scared too.” My voice cracks since my throat’s dry. “I thought maybe this was some cosmic way of mocking me for finally being happy about the baby.”
“Oh, Thea,” he breathes, and it’s like I can see his heart break. “That would never be true. Some things just happen and there’s no reason for them.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead and then brushes his lips over mine.
“Please, never think like that,” he begs.
I open my mouth to answer him but there’s another knock on the door then.
“Hello, hello, I’m Dr. Keegan,” a woman in her fifties says, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “I hear you think your water might’ve broken.”
I nod, sitting up in the bed. “My mother-in-law said she thinks it’s more likely I peed my pants, which is embarrassing, but we’d rather be sure.”
“You’re not having any contractions, so that’s a good sign.” She points to a print out from the machine. “We’re going to check to be sure, though.”
Xander moves out of the way and she props my leg up. She slips some gloves on and looks me over.
“This is going to be uncomfortable,” she warns.
“Ow.” I bite my lip as she pushes her fingers inside, feeling around. I don’t know what she’s touching but it feels like brain.
After a moment she pulls her fingers out. “Your water is intact, so I think it’s safe to say you peed your pants.”
“Well …” I blush. “That’s embarrassing.”
“Don’t be,” she assures me. “It happens to a lot of women. Most even poop during childbirth.”
My eyes widen in horror. “That’s disgusting. I better not do that. Gross.” I shudder at the very idea.
She laughs and removes her gloves, tossing them in the disposal box. “Well, if you do, just remember it’s perfectly normal. Besides, you rarely even know you’ve done it.”
I shake my head and look at Xander. “Don’t even think about looking down there while I’m giving birth.”
He raises his hands innocently.