“We could’ve talked on the way here,” she counters.
“I needed that time to think.”
She sighs and looks out the window, her vivid blue hair flowing around her shoulders.
“Jace,” she says softly. “Stop beating this into the ground.”
I undo my seatbelt and turn in my seat to face her. “I hate fighting with you—I don’t even know if that’s what we’re doing but it feels like it. I don’t want us to continue on with this … this coldness,” I settle on, for lack of a better word. “I miss you.” My voice cracks with the honesty.
She’s silent, staring at her lap and fiddling with a rip in her jeans. Finally, she says, “I miss you too.” Hope soars in my chest. “But that doesn’t take away the embarrassment I feel about what happened.” And there goes all my hope.
I reach over, wrapping a piece of her hair around my finger. Her eyes lift to mine, and I see the turmoil there. The embarrassment she speaks of, worry, anger, maybe even regret. But I also see lust and desire, so I know me walking away that morning didn’t ruin everything. This is salvageable. Whatever this is.
“I’m sorry I’m such an asshole,” I tell her and her lips quirk ever so slightly.
She shrugs. “You’re not an asshole all the time.”
I laugh then. I can’t help it. “But most of the time?” I prompt.
“Eh.” She rocks one hand back and forth in the air. “Maybe only some of the time.”
“Some,” I repeat. “That’s better than most.”
The small smile she was sporting disappears, and I know I’m most likely not going to like what she has to say. “We can pretend that our kiss and that morning hasn’t changed anything, but that’s all it would be. Pretending. It did change things between us, and I don’t think we can come back from it.”
My body tenses. “What are you saying?”
“I think it’s best if we avoid each other for a little while. I know that’s hard with us living together, but I’m hoping if …” she pauses, her teeth digging into her lower lip. “I’m hoping if I don’t have to see you every day then maybe my feelings will go away.”
Before I can respond, she leans over my body, her breasts brushing my arm, as she pushes the button that unlocks her door. Her bag is already in her hand and she darts out of the truck.
I watch her leave and disappear into the apartment building, still stunned by her last words.
By the fact that she doesn’t want to see me because then maybe her feelings will go away.
I hope like fuck that’s not true, because I know there’s no way distance is going to erase what I feel.
Something this all-consuming can’t be so easily forgotten.
But there’s a nagging voice in my head that says, What if it can?
Nova
I go to school.
I go to work.
I avoid Jace as much as possible.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
It sounds so much easier than it is.
Avoiding Jace is nearly impossible.
Not only is he always around, I can’t help but crave being near him.
He’s my best friend, and I love spending time with him. Be it watching a movie, or making a dinner, or just hanging out. To suddenly not have that time with him sucks.