I set the apple down slowly, like it was a bomb, and let the piece of paper in my hand drift onto the surface of the table. “Like…hang out? With you for fun?”
He chuckled, lowering his head so his dark hair swept into his eyes. “Well, you don’t have to make it sound like a death sentence. There’s something I want to show you, and I thought we could have dinner with Pap again. He’s been begging to see you.” Placing a hand over his chest, he pouted, “Don’t make me break my grandpa’s heart. He’s already in a fragile state.”
Oh, he was guilt tripping me big time. I did want to see his grandpa again, though. “Fine,” I agreed, “but I have to go home first before we go.”
“Deal. I’ll pick you up at five-thirty.”
“Yay,” I mumbled, feigning excitement.
He smacked his hand lightly against the table. “By the end of the evening I promise I’ll have you smiling.”
I rolled my eyes as he stood, grabbed his bag and left.
A moment later Rowan took the seat beside me. “What was that about?”
I groaned loudly, causing a few heads to turn my way. “Did you watch the whole thing?”
“It didn’t seem like I should interrupt,” she shrugged casually, unwrapping a sandwich she’d brought from home.
“I know you wish that there was something going on between us, but there’s absolutely nothing. We’re just…I really don’t know what we are,” I muttered. Jude and I were far from friends, but I didn’t quite feel like we were enemies anymore. The more I read Graham’s letter, it became clearer to me that Jude really didn’t have anything to do with his suicide. But I’d probably always associate Jude with that God awful day and the pain it caused me. That wasn’t something you got over easily.
She sighed heavily and before she could launch into a lengthy speech I interrupted her.
“I don’t need to hear it, Rowan. There’s a lot about me that you and no one else knows. The last thing I need is the baggage of a relationship with anyone especially Jude. Please, let it go.” I begged, pleading with my eyes for her to stop bugging me about it.
She took a bite of her sandwich and I relaxed, thinking I was off the hook. Wrong.
“I think I understand more than most people about how baggage can keep you from letting someone into your heart, but eventually you have to stop fighting it. Love is a beautiful thing, don’t let your past rule your future. I missed out on so much time with Trent,” tears pooled in her eyes, “because I fought so hard against what I felt for him. I’d give anything to get that time back, but I can’t. I don’t want to see you make my mistakes.”
“How very motherly sounding of you,” I muttered.
She laughed, “I am a mom, I guess it shows in everything I say.” Sobering, she frowned, “I worry about you a lot, Tate.”
That made me feel bad. I didn’t want Rowan worrying about me. I was fine. I forced a smile and told her, “Honestly, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Alright,” she sighed again, “I won’t bring it up anymore.”
I doubted that, but I didn’t say it out loud.
“Are you excited for spring break?” She asked, brushing breadcrumbs off her lap.
“Definitely,” I nodded, finishing my apple. “I’m ready to get away.”
I wasn’t sure what would happen to my mom while I was gone, and maybe it was selfish of me, but I couldn’t take being in that broken house for much longer. Besides, it wasn’t like I could live there forever. She needed to snap out of it, and maybe my dad could try being a concerned husband and actually take care of her for a change. Too much responsibility had been on my shoulders for too long. I guessed I was rebelling as an adult, not a teenager. It was bound to happen eventually—and maybe that made me a shitty person for giving up on my mom, but it had been seven long, hard years. I’d reached my limit and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to stop making choices based on everyone else and start living my own life.
“I’m worried about leaving the kids, but I know Trent’s mom will take good care of them. It’s hard though. We rarely leave them,” she frowned.
Sometimes I really felt bad for Rowan and all the responsibility she had on her shoulders at such a young age, but she never, not once, complained about any of it. I admired her for that fact.
“They’ll be fine. Lily’s awesome,” I assured her. I’d only met Trent’s family on a few occasions but they were some of the nicest people I had ever met.
“You’re right, but it’s impossible not to worry,” she shrugged.
I stood, slinging my backpack on, and gathering my trash. “I’ve got to get to class. I’ll see you later.”
“Are you going to the library tonight?” She asked before I could get away.
“No,” I answered, “but I think you already knew that.”