“No!” I screamed. “It’s too soon! She’s not ready!” I started to sob and scream hysterically. Memphis grabbed my arms to restrain me as I lashed around.
“The baby will be fine,” the doctor assured me in a calm tone. “It is early, but not too early. Breathe.”
I didn’t believe him. He wasn’t my regular doctor. What did he know? Nothing, that’s what.
From there things moved even faster as they prepared me for a cesarean section. This wasn’t how I planned to give birth to my little girl, but life rarely went according to plan. Especially mine.
I was wheeled back to the operating area and eventually Memphis joined me. He grasped my hand tightly and with his other he massaged my forehead. “It’s going to be okay. She’s going to be fine. Don’t worry. Relax.” His words did nothing to soothe me. I wouldn’t be okay until I heard my daughter cry and got to hold her.
Within minutes she was pulled from my body. She didn’t cry at first and my heart momentarily ceased to beat as fear overcame me. Once her cries filled the air I was able to breathe again and my heart picked up with its regular pattern.
They gave me a brief glance at her, but it wasn’t enough. She was carried away from me to be checked out. Tears slid down my cheeks and Memphis wiped them away hastily. He kissed my forehead and murmured, “Please, don’t cry.”
“I want my baby,” I told him. “Tell them to give me my baby.”
“Oh, Sutton,” his voice cracked and I knew this affected him as much as it did me. “I know you want to see her. Soon, I promise.”
His words didn’t comfort me. As a mother I needed to hold and feel my child. I needed to breathe in her baby smell and count her fingers and toes. Watching a stranger carry her away from me was difficult.
“I’m so sorry,” Memphis apologized as he continued to rub my forehead. I didn’t know what he was sorry for. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
I let my eyes drift closed at the feel of tugging on my abdomen as the doctor stitched me closed.
I shut down after that.
???
I didn’t realize where I was when I woke up. But once I recognized that I was in a hospital, I began to panic. My hand immediately went to my stomach and found my womb empty. I looked around, a scream about to leave me when I spotted Memphis asleep on the couch in the corner.
“Memphis,” I croaked his name, my voice hoarse from lack of water. “Memphis?” I repeated a little louder when he didn’t hear me.
He startled awake, looking around for any threat. “What’s going on?” He rubbed at his tired eyes and sat up fully.
“I want to see her,” I pleaded with him.
His face softened and he stood, taking my hand in his. For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me something had happened and she didn’t make it, but he didn’t. “I’ll talk to a nurse and see what’s going on.”
“Thank you.” I squeezed his hand. I was thankful that I had him. He truly was the most amazing man. I didn’t know what I’d do without him. He was always there to pick up the pieces when I crumbled. “I love you,” I whispered.
“I love you too.” He lowered his head and pressed a tender kiss to my lips.
He wasn’t gone long until he came back with a nurse. She handed me a Styrofoam cup full of water and raised the bed so I was in a sitting position. “Everything’s fine with your little girl,” she assured me with a smile. “She’s been checked out thoroughly and despite the early delivery she’s perfect, just on the small side. I can bring her to you if you want me to?”
Did she even need to ask? “Please,” I begged. “I want to hold her.”
“Give me a few minutes.” She smiled kindly as she looked over my vitals. “I’ll be right back,” she said as she exited the room.
Memphis grabbed the chair and slid it over so that he was beside my bed. I held my hand out for him and he gladly took it. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this.”
“Don’t be,” I whispered. “I’m fine and the baby’s fine. That’s what matters.”
“I can’t believe he came after you again,” he shook his head in dismay. “It’s like he’s obsessed with you or something.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “He’s got issues, but he’s not getting away with it this time.”
He smoothed the tangled knots of my hair off my forehead. I knew after everything I’d been through in the last however many hours, I had to look like crap, but he still gazed at me like I was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. “This is only a small bump in the road. It’s all up hill from here,” he assured me.
I smiled at him and he leaned over to kiss my forehead. The overwhelming sense of trust and completeness I felt with him was nothing I’d ever experienced. I’d thought I’d known true love—and maybe I had—but this was a forever kind of love and it was a totally different thing. Where Caelan had shot into my life like a falling star—brightening it for a moment, before disappearing—Memphis was the blanket that kept me warm at night. He was always there for me. Things with us were easy. He was a breath of fresh air. He was the man I didn’t know to hope for and when I found him, I ran like hell into another man’s arms. I couldn’t regret our lost time, though, and without Caelan I probably would’ve never realized my true feelings for Memphis. Love was messy and never perfect. Real life sucked and the person you thought was ‘the one’ turned out to be ‘just for now’. But if you stayed strong Mr. Right came along and all the heartbreak was worth it, just so you could tell him you loved him every night as he fell asleep. I knew my love for Caelan would always be there, but it was a different kind of love now—one of fondness and the bond we shared of our child. I knew that without him I wouldn’t have found peace. We might not have been meant to be a couple, but we were meant to change each other’s lives—I was sure of that.