I guess when you ask a friend for advice, you shouldn’t have preconceived notions of what that advice will be. But this is not the kind of help I was hoping for. “But what if … what if I want to get to know him? What if he’s just misunderstood? Or—?”
“I don’t mean to be harsh or nothin’, but … you deserve a good boy. Someone who’s more … like you, y’know? Someone who will make you happy, not miserable. Remember what I told you, that big, crazy summer two years back?”
The words are fresh in my mind from that night at the Spruce Ball. ‘Be strong,’ Jimmy told me. ‘Trust your own mind and heart. And when you make a friend, you stick with that friend until the end. Friends are your home away from home, no matter where you are.’
I guess the words are easier to believe when you’ve actually got someone in your life. But now Jimmy’s advice is to avoid that one person I found? To be fair, I don’t know much about Donovan.
Yet. “Yeah, I remember. Make a friend and stick with him.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said, but you gotta make sure it’s the right friend. Bobs, one sec, I’m chattin’ with Toby,” he whispers suddenly, a hand over his phone, muffling his voice. “Yeah, Bobs. I’ll come see it in a sec.” He uncovers the phone. “Bobby says hi, and also he’s being needy and I gotta go. Hold out for the right guy, ‘kay?”
I sigh with frustration. “How will I know who the right one is? You do realize where I live, right? I don’t exactly have a library of beautiful-souled men to choose from.”
“Well, it’s the same ass town I grew up in, so I know a thing or two. Listen, Toby. Be patient. The right guy is someone who makes you a better person, who brings out your best qualities, and who sets your soul on fire.”
I blink. That’s a lot of pressure to put on one person.
“And also,” Jimmy finishes, “he’s a guy who will test you.”
“Test me?”
“Yeah. He’ll test your every nerve, for sure. And listen, I really don’t think this whacko, leather-clad, 90s punk-band reject is it. Take your time, Toby. You’re, what, seventeen?”
“Eighteen as of May.”
“Eighteen as of May,” Jimmy sings back at me, then lets out an amused, musical hoot. “The whole wide world is yours, my man. Get out there and own it. Don’t take no shit. And don’t settle for no attitude-givin’ punk, you hear me?”
I wrestle with the knot of confusion in my chest. “I wish you two lived here.”
“Yeah, yeah, well … you never know. Hey, don’t tell my mama or brother this, but …” He lowers his voice. “Bobs and I are gonna drop in for a surprise visit for Christmas, and we’ve got some big news.”
“Big news? Everyone already knows you’re getting married.”
“No, no. Other big news. Bigger news. Look, Toby, I gotta go or Bobby’ll have my nuts. Or maybe I gotta go so that Bobby can have my nuts. Stay smart, stay cool, and get your dang sleep, boy!”
I laugh. “Goodnight, Jims.”
“Nighters!”
I set my phone on the nightstand, then roll onto my back and stare up at the blades of my ceiling fan spinning, chewing on the hard-to-stomach words of Jimmy’s advice. Ignore him. Don’t give him the time of day. Hold out for a better guy. Remember my words.
Yeah, well, Jimmy’s words also included trusting my mind and my heart. And both are saying the same damned thing: Donovan Pane is worth getting to know, and he’s worth my attention.
And tomorrow, I’m gonna make sure he knows that.
03 | TOBY
The atmosphere of Spruce High feels strangely subdued this morning as I pull open my locker, give my moogle locker guardian an encouraging pat on the head, then take my things to the main office for first period. The moment the bell rings, I’m sent on a mission with three different notes to take to three different classrooms, and I couldn’t have asked for a better task this morning; the solitude of the quiet halls is a welcomed peace. And since the notes are on opposite ends of the school, it gives me a lot of time to think and breathe.
But the minutes pass like seconds, and suddenly, there’s only five left of the period. Without any tasks left, I’m about to ask Becky if I can leave early for my second period when suddenly she turns on me. “So, Mr. Toby, how about you tell me what happened yesterday? Why’d the principal want to see you? Everyone’s sayin’ different things and I just can’t.”
Can we please not do this right now? I shrug and quietly reply, “It was just a misunderstanding.”
“But someone pulled the fire thingy and half the dang school got evacuated before they realized it was some false alarm in the lunch room, right? Ooh, Principal Whitman was hot about it. Even his wife Marcie was up here raisin’ hell, Lord bless her. Oh, hmm, I forgot to tell Nadine that last part …”