“Yep.” She gives me a nod, tosses the last tiny bite of her roll past her lips, then chews proudly. “I met him online. Then we met up a few times in person. He lives all the way out in a place called Brady. Phew, it’s a drive, so we meet halfway. He’s … different than the other men I’ve dated. He actually keeps up with me.”
That’s already a keeper, right there. “What’s his name?”
“You’re gonna laugh.” She lowers her voice. “Joseph.”
I don’t get the joke. “Joseph …?”
“Yeah.” She sees I don’t get it, so she spells it out: “Jo and Jo.”
“Oh.” I laugh at that, then take another tasty, crispy bite of cinnamon roll. “Jo and Jo. You should insist he goes by Joseph and not Jo.”
“He goes by Joey, actually. Which I guess is only a little weird, but how often do you use your own name, really?” She gives it a moment’s thought, confuses herself, then carries on. “There’s just something about him, Lance. Something amazing. And I …” She takes another cinnamon roll, but doesn’t bite it, staring at the delicious, gooey delicacy in contemplation. “I went to see Joseph this weekend—That’s where I really was, not the seminar, remember, the seminar thing was a lie—and I really feel like things are getting real between us—serious between us. Joey … he might be the one I’ve been waiting for.” She sighs at her cinnamon roll. “I want to tell Chaddy. But I can’t. I mean, not yet, at least. I can’t leave him here all alone on this big ranch if things get more serious with me and Joey. I want Chaddy to have someone in his life before I move on with mine, you know? I mean, it’s basic decency. It’s the polite thing to do.”
I nod slowly. “I understand. You care about Chad a lot.”
“I do. I really do.”
Her foot starts tapping on the floor.
All of the brightness in her eyes has turned into two gloomy pools of despair.
I prop my elbows on my knees and lean forward. “You can’t put your whole life on hold for him. Sometimes, life has a way of pushing you forward, whether you’re ready for it or not. It doesn’t always play on our own time.”
“That’s true,” she murmurs at her roll, almost sulky.
“He’ll understand. I’m sure he will.”
“I just don’t wanna hurt him. I mean … I don’t wanna hurt me either. I love Chaddy in my own way. I really do. I want him to be happy.” She sighs, heavy and long. “Oh, man, shit, I’m gonna miss this place. Deeply. Shit.”
She likes the word “shit” a lot. I’m learning so much about her in so short a time. I lick my lips, tasting sugar on them, then start to say, “You know, you don’t have to rush it, or decide now whether—”
“Are you and Chaddy a thing?”
My lips remain open, the rest of my sentence left unsaid.
“I don’t mean to pry.” She sets down the cinnamon roll, her mind changed. She licks her fingers off one by one. “I mean … I do want to pry a little. Like, the normal amount. Are you two happy?”
I don’t even know how to cross this bridge. I’m tempted to jump right off of it and into the river. “I … well, I mean …” I let out a nervous chuckle. “Look, to be totally fair, I only just got into town Friday. After not having seen each other for ten years, I only just reconnected with him, and before this weekend, he was just the big bad bully of my teenhood. Now …”
Now he’s so much more.
Now, I have no idea who he is anymore. He’s looked at like a saint by some folk in town. He donates to charities. He supports local businesses with his ranch.
He’s practically a shining fucking star of Spruce.
And what am I? Its bitter, sore wound in its ass?
“It only took me three dates with Joey,” says Jo as she goes for round two of (loudly) licking off each of her fingers. “He and I only went on three dates before I knew something was serious between us. Serious enough to consider things. Bigger things.”
I softly close my mouth, not having realized it was hanging open again.
“And of course, you didn’t just meet Chaddy on Friday,” she points out. “You have a big, long history with him. Sure, he was a jerk back in high school. Even I can vouch for that. You have me to thank for turning him around, by the way. I just knew, even back then, there was some kind of special something in him, you know? Shit. I just saw it. And no one else did, not even his own mama or papa. Well, the papa, for sure. He wasn’t a bad man, but he wasn’t a good one. Actually, maybe he was a bad man. He was a mean drunk.” She puts a hand to her forehead. “Do I have a fever? Never mind. I’ve gone and worked myself up. I’m not usually like this. At least, I don’t think I am. My point is, you know Chaddy. And you know your own heart. And I think, as much as he says it was Tanner’s big scene that made him come out, I think the seed of his truth was planted a long, long time before that.” She gives me a lift of her eyebrows and a knowing smirk. “I think it was you.”