“Because aren’t you with the boss?”
“Yeah, but that’s for him to answer.”
“He’s not answering my calls or texts. What’s he doing?”
I looked up. He’d finished paying for our gas, and he was coming out, reading something on his phone.
“He’s reading your text now.”
Or he was reading someone’s texts. Maybe Abram got back to him? That would be fast. Raize had said Estrada would want to see Abram in person, but Raize had made Abram, Basil, whatever, share all of Oscar’s operations with him before he left. I hoped we’d start demolishing some of those buildings and networks today.
That’d require a bomb, and we hadn’t made one yet.
“Cavers is with me. We’re both waiting for his instructions.”
“I’ll pass the message.”
He chuckled.
I didn’t know why he chuckled. Again, this conversation wasn’t funny.
I’d moved past the wanting to laugh or share weird facts I’d had going on this morning—or maybe that was just with Raize? This was a lot of thinking. A rule I needed to adopt: stop thinking so much. Except when I was trying to survive, then I’d need to think.
Raize opened the driver’s side door. Thank God. I really needed to stop thinking.
I was getting a headache from so many conflicting thoughts and emotions all at once. I missed being numb.
Raize frowned, seeing something on my face. “What’s wrong?”
I hung up on Jake, sliding the phone back into my pocket. “That was Jake. They’re awake. You’re not responding to his calls or texts, and he and Cavers need to know what to do today.”
He continued to frown, still staring at me, but he hit a button and put the phone to his ear.
I tried to tune him out, but I couldn’t.
“Send Cavers to get ingredients to make a cake,” Raize told Jake. “You go with him, stay with him all day.” A pause. “We’ll need to make a few cakes.”
Cakes. Now I was snickering.
Raize put the phone away and I said, “That’s not very code-like of you.”
Cake was code for bomb. Everyone knew that.
He started the engine. “Cavers is extra dumb.”
True. “Jake’s not,” I told him.
He pulled out of the gas station and turned left. “I know.”
Ugh. I was kinda hoping to go back to denying certain things to myself. That made being here a lot easier. Right now I felt all sorts of restlessness. I was on edge, and I needed a release of some form.
Gah. No. Not that kind of release…or maybe?
I hoped not. I wasn’t ready for the kind of mental games I’d need to play with myself to be okay fucking Raize.
Why was I thinking like this again?
Maybe I should call Jake back. He seemed to distract me from these thoughts, from the other distraction I was obsessing about so I could be okay with what Raize was going to make me do this week—and I wasn’t talking about sex.
I cursed, shifting in my seat. “I need something.”
Raize glanced over. “What’s going on with you?”
“Me shooting a gun wakened shit in me that I was keeping dead.”
That made no sense, but Raize seemed to understand. “What do you need?”
I shook my head, frustrated. “I have no idea.” Or I didn’t want to admit what I needed.
I closed my eyes. God. I was going there. Raize was going there.
I’d have to brace myself for the self-hate I’d be piling on later.
“Drugs?”
“I hate drugs.”
Realizing I’d said that to a former drug dealer, I froze a second, but there was only a ghost of a smile on Raize’s face.
He nodded. “I don’t want your mind altered anyway, so drinking is out, too.”
Fuck.
I mean…well…that word. Fuck.
I closed my eyes, back to bracing because I didn’t know what was going to happen next.
Raize kept driving, but then I felt him reach for me. He yanked me over to his side. “Unbutton your jeans.”
Oh. Gawd.
I was flooded with need and was already wet, but this was embarrassing.
I didn’t move.
“Ash.”
Who…that was me. I’d given myself that name.
He was using it.
I didn’t want to think about why that helped me do this, but it did. He did. I lifted my hips, unbuttoning my jeans and pushing them down.
I was not looking at him though.
“Move your jeans farther.”
I did, hanging my head.
I could hear his voice growing rough, but he was still driving.
I felt his hand between my legs, and I hissed, jerking from the touch.
“Those gotta go down farther. I can’t do what I need to do where they are.”
Good.
Fuck.
Lord.
My whole face was heated by now, but I did as he said.
I peeked, I had to look, and relief flooded me when I saw he’d driven us out of the city again. He preferred the outskirts. After a few more moments he slowed the truck, turning onto an abandoned road and pulling to a stop behind some trees.
Then he was on me.
He pulled me down to lie under him. His eyes were on mine. “Do you want this?”