“And you decided to pour gasoline on the fire, why? Weren’t the flames hot enough for you?” Beck shook his head. “You’ve got way too much pride, Macen, and it’s biting you in the ass.”
“It’s not the first time.”
“And probably not the last.” Beck paused. “What drew you both to Juliet? What was she like?”
Hammer sloshed back another stiff swig. “Quiet. Refined. Proper. She was a lady. The downside was, she didn’t like conflict or confrontation.”
“I just can’t see you with a quiet girl. You need the challenge of a spitfire sub.” He cocked his head. “Like Raine.”
Hammer winced. “I know. Her sassy attitude makes me want to smack her ass and fuck her breathless. I can’t get her out of my blood. I’ve tried.”
“Too bad you haven’t tried being honest with everyone.”
“There’s the door, fucker.” Hammer pointed. “I didn’t invite you in to unravel me. I’m not one of your pain sluts.”
“So you’re going to shove me out, like Liam. Newsflash for you: I don’t have a dog in this hunt. I don’t care what you do, except that I’d like to see my friend smile once a decade. We don’t have to talk about a damn thing. We can get staggering drunk, then you can deal with your own mess tomorrow. And while you’re at it, stop badgering Raine for not communicating because you’re no better.”
Yeah, Beck just kept digging in his head and figuring all his shit out. Wasn’t this fun? Hammer downed the last of the liquid in his glass. Beck snatched it away.
“I hate you.” Hammer scowled.
The other man laughed. “Good, then I’m doing my job. We drinking or talking?”
“Talking,” he conceded, shaking his head.
“Happy to hear it. Now tell me how Juliet went from good girl to sex slave for you two?”
“I got off on pushing her past her comfort zone. It was like pure power pumping through my veins, and it fed the fuck out of the beast inside me. So I kept pushing and pushing…”
“You’re supposed to do that as a Dom.”
“Yeah, but she almost never pushed back. Once, I brought in a Domme. Juliet did safe word out of that. So I took her to a dungeon to see what tripped her trigger. The only thing that seemed to catch her eye was Liam sceneing. When I approached him about Juliet, he was all over it. Hell, he was twenty-one, but he had a firm understanding of the power exchange.”
“So he joined you?”
“For a night, at first. But I loved it. I thought she did, too. Knowing I could make a proper wife fuck another man did it for me. I thought she liked connecting with her inner bad girl, and they seemed to click, so I asked him to stay for good. By the time I found out it made her feel like a whore, it was too late. I mistook her silence for submission.”
“You didn’t ask a ton of questions before you changed the relationship?”
Hammer hung his head. “Not enough. I was drunk on power and not a shining example of a Master.”
“Wow. That’s not the man I know. I seriously can’t see you not forcing Juliet to communicate. You nearly talk subs to death.”
“Oh, I tried to talk to Juliet, believe me. Every time I sat her down and told her I needed to know how she felt, she’d give me a placid smile, tell me she loved me, shower me with kisses, then usually give me a blow job. I bought into her acquiescence, thinking she was the perfect submissive. I should have dug harder, but she never gave me any reason to. But she taught me a valuable lesson. That’s why I harp on subs now about communication.”
“Hammer, she didn’t give you anything to work with. You did the best you could with what you knew. After all, there were two people in that marriage. She made her choices.”
He shrugged, but he couldn’t unload the boulder of guilt from his back. Instead, he took his glass from Beck and poured another shot. “But it was my job to take care of her, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I failed her in every way.”
“What happened next?”
“After her death, I shut down. I was alone and miserable. I couldn’t stay in New York. Too many memories. Too much hurt. I didn’t know where to direct my rage, except toward Liam. I couldn’t pin it on Juliet. She was a victim of my desires and my ego.”
“Wait a minute. She wasn’t a victim. She didn’t tell you how she felt and she didn’t give you a choice. She took the power. Weren’t you pissed at her for taking her own life?”
“Livid. I know that’s part of the death process, but I wondered if I’d ever really known her. I thought I loved her, but how could I love a stranger?”