“Probably never. I wanted to protect her, and it just fucking took over everything else.”
“Then you can’t possibly know if Raine is incapable of being what you want. One night with her isn’t going to tell you shit! You didn’t try before. You’re still not.”
“You don’t understand.” Hammer scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t want a submissive. I need a slave. You know she never will be.”
“You love her,” Beck said quietly.
Hopelessness plowed through him like a freight train, and tears closed up his throat. “Yeah,” he choked out. “And I have no fucking clue where to find her or how to save her before Liam turns her inside out.”
“I think he cares about her, too.”
“But he’ll never love her like I do. No one will.” He hung his head.
“You didn’t show her that.”
“The hell I didn’t! Maybe not in the way you mean, but I’ve always taken care of Raine. The night I found her in the alley, I didn’t dare look at the terrified girl as she tried to hide by the dumpster. I didn’t know anything about her, but one look, and I had to protect her. I was frantic that she’d take off down the alley and be raped. Or shot full of drugs or bullets. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and lock her away to keep her safe. She was so tiny and falling apart. Then fuck, I looked into her eyes… She seemed so damn lost. Hell, the first few weeks she was here, Raine jumped every time I raised my voice. But I refused to give up on her. I still can’t.”
“She’s not that waif from the alley anymore, man, and if you think that…you’ve got the whole river of denial running in your veins. I have no doubt that you had your cock in every one of her openings last night. It’s no big secret that she wanted you just as badly. As far as being a slave, it’s not like a submissive can blink her eyes and presto, she’s grown to that level. If you were giving yourself advice, you’d tell yourself that it takes time to train her. You’ll teach her to drive, but not to be what you need? You won’t even give her a taste. Why?”
“I told her this morning,” he slurred. “I explained what to expect as my slave. She ran screaming.”
“Do you seriously not know how to compromise? Ease her into it? Maybe it’s time to wise up. Your so-called friend has collared Raine now. You’re going to have to get at least as clever as Liam and figure out your shit to even think about winning her back.”
A wounded growl erupted from his chest. “Even if she wasn’t wearing his collar, I’d still be too much for her to handle. I almost broke her last night.” His shoulders sagged as he sighed. “Where the hell did he take her? Do you know? I need her back. I’ve got to know she’s okay.” Tears blurred his vision, and Beck just shook his head. “Help me. Please?”
“God, you’re a pussy when you get drunk.” Beck rolled his eyes. “I don’t know where she is. You think I’ve got a crystal ball? Did you try to call her? Call Liam?”
“Her cell phone’s still here, and the son of a bitch won’t answer his. I’ve sent messages, a shitload of them,” Hammer mumbled, trying to quell the panic swirling inside him.
“I’ll bet, but have you tried leaving a sober message he might understand?”
Hammer just glared. “Some fucking help you are.”
“You need to sleep it off. Booze won’t help, trust me. I’ve been there. But if she’s still what you really want, then I’ll help you figure out a way to fight for her.”
“I can’t.” His voice cracked. “What if I won, then what? I’d just end up killing her. Then I’d have the guilt of two deaths to live with. Living with one is hard enough.”
“Raine isn’t Juliet. You’ve been so focused on what you think she can’t do that you’ve never stopped to consider what she can. Or what you want now. You aren’t the same person. Your wife died years ago. Try a little. It’s time.”
Launching toward Beck, Hammer grabbed him by the shirt. “Help me find her, Ken. I can’t live without knowing she’s all right. What if she needs me?”
“Fuck, you whine more pitifully than a damn dog. Rest. I’ll see if I can find her.”
“Thank you, man.” He slumped to his side on the bed. His eyes felt like weights as they slid shut. Every minute Raine was gone chafed his soul. “Make it soon.”
Raine stared at the darkened wall. Liam’s body warmth kept her cozy in the big bed, despite the chilly night. He’d grabbed her in his sleep and cradled her head on his shoulder. She’d gone to him wordlessly, gratefully.