I start to breathe too fast—the smell is overwhelming. I think: I might pass out, but I remember Miller’s in the shower. I don’t want him in there alone.
I stand, dizzy as fuck, and pull the shower curtain open, blink down at him through my blurry eyes, and that’s when I hear rasping. His chest’s moving.
He’s breathing! It sounds wet and rough, but—
Fuck!
Miller coughs and then starts gagging. I’m weak with relief as I climb back into the tub and kneel over him.
Focus, Ezra. Fucking focus. It’s not Alton.
I shift my weight so some of the shower water runs down my arm. Then I cup my shaking hand and use the little stream to rinse his shoulder and his throat. I’m washing his cheek, still struggling to get deep breaths, when his eyelids slit open.
“Ez?” His lips don’t even move. The sound comes from in between his teeth. His eyes open more, and they look dazed and bloodshot.
Holy shit, I can’t believe this is real…
“Hey there, Millsy.” I cup his cheek with my hand, which still trembles.
He looks around the shower, his face pale and blank.
“Hey, man,” I rasp. “Do you remember getting in here?”
His tongue laps at his lower lip, and that’s when his face crumples. “Ow.” He holds his mouth, and a little line of dark blood drips between his fingers.
“Jesus, did you bite your tongue?”
His hand covers his face, and he starts breathing louder. Is he choking? I realize he’s crying, and it fucking breaks me.
“Oh, fuck. Miller. It’s okay.” I lean down to try to hug him, but I can’t get my arms around him from this angle. I put a hand on his forehead. “It’s okay. I’m gonna help you get up, okay? We’ll stand up and wash off. Then I’ll get you in bed. You’ll feel better.”
I’m so full of shit. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I look down at Miller, holding his face, breathing all unsteady, and I feel like I might throw up. But he’s nodding.
“Okay, Millsy. You think you can hold your head up?” I lift him slow and careful, making sure one of my hands that goes behind his back is cupped around the base of his head. Turns out he can hold his head up on his own, but he looks dazed as I get him sitting.
He holds his mouth.
“Is it a lot of blood? Just spit it out. It’ll go down the drain.”
His eyes squeeze shut. He covers his face with both hands, hunches his shoulders like he’s cold or something.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” My voice is a soft rasp.
He wipes at his chin. He’s wincing.
“You have seizures, Miller? Have you ever had a seizure before?”
His eyes find mine, almost like he’s just realizing I’m here. He looks so damn tired.
“Hey.” I can’t keep myself from brushing his damp hair up off his forehead. “You know where we are?”
He covers his face again, looking down, and he rasps, “In the shower. Dickface.” His lips twitch, and he moves his hand off his eyes, giving me the most exhausted fuck-off look I’ve ever seen in my life. I feel giddy—like some drug just hit me hard.
I hear myself laugh. “Okay, twinky winky. Lemme get you up. I’ll sling you over my shoulder like one of those bags of feed we lift at practice.”
I’m just messing with him. I get into a good crouch and then wrap my arms under his arms, leaning him forward like I’m gonna put him over my shoulder, but there’s no need to. He gets onto his knees, and I’m able to help him stand. Then he’s leaning on me. He’s trying to get his balance as I hold him, but he’s still shaking.
Shower water hits him in the face, and his grip on me tightens.
“Turn your head away from it so you don’t get it in your mouth.”
“Really?” The word is groaned, but I can feel the smart-ass attitude behind it. And then he’s gulping the steam, panting in a way that makes me think maybe he’s freaked out.
“It’s okay, Mills. Let me wash you off, okay? Just hold onto me. I’m not skinny anymore. You notice that? I’m on the gain train now. I’ve gotcha.”
He seems mostly clean, but I wash his shoulder and his side and neck again. I run my palm over one of his hard hipbones. It feels wrong touching his dick, so I’m not going to, but I rub my hand over his abs. If they’re messy, that’s my fault for smearing cum all over them.
When I’m pretty sure he’s clean, I brave a glance back up at his face. He looks like someone in a dark room when the lights just got turned on.
“You think you can step over the side of the tub?”
He nods, looking wide-eyed and dazed.