I didn’t need to ask him if it was him or Sim or whoever, because somehow… he was both at once and did it really matter.
I just elbowed him and said, “You and your bloodlust.”
His smile was wide when he answered. “Don’t you know it.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“To travel hopefully is a better thing to arrive.” —Robert Louis Stevenson.
Maksim
She laughs with me.
She doesn’t ask me who I am anymore—she calls me her Maks… and she holds my hand tight.
I smile and look up at the clouds.
I really do want Valerian’s sweater; pain in my ass has always dressed better.
“So,” Ash moves close to me. “Keeping secrets probably not the most fun few months.”
I snort. “No, it was a total joy waking up with blood on my hands and wondering where it came from sometimes.”
Ash flinches. “Seriously?”
“I see… more now…” I shrug. “Probably because I keep journals, so I can always go back and read but sometimes… I really don’t want to know what I’m capable of.”
“Sometimes.” King sits on the other side of me while the girls all talk in a circle on the grass. “It’s good to know that you’re basically a superhero now.”
“Hah.” I laugh. “What’s so super about this?”
“Well,” Junior pours me another glass of wine. “Next time you get in an argument with Izzy and really piss her off—”
“—Which you will,” Valerian adds in.
“Exactly.” Junior laughs. “You’ll just go, I’m so sorry, babe, that clearly wasn’t me. How can I make it up to you?”
I burst out laughing. “That’s cruel even for you.”
“Those girls carry weapons.” Junior points out. “I have actual stab wounds from Serena, and when I bled, she laughed and said that was fun…”
Valerian shudders. “They’re all crazy, and hey, now so are you!”
Tank comes and sits by us. “Those girls are crazy.”
We all burst out laughing.
He frowns. “Did I miss something?”
“We’re all a bit crazy,” I add in. “Though I do remember a certain crazy girl who went a bit crazy with me when I tied her up.”
All eyes are on me.
“What?” I shrug. “It was fun.”
“So like,” Ash leans in. “You tied her to a bed. MY FUCKING SISTER?”
He lunges.
Valerian holds him back and just has to ask. “Bound her feet?”
King is the next to say. “He gave her control, the same sort of control he needed.” He smiles at me and whispers, “I don’t even need to guess you went all Shibari on her ass.”
“My sister!” Ash continues yelling, the guys keep ignoring him and holding him down.
They also look confused and intrigued.
I pull King in for a hug. “Glad I rescued you.”
“I helped,” Tank says defensively.
The rest of the guys start arguing, but I’m not over my moment with my brother in arms, my cousin, my best friend.
He nods his head once and then says. “Tell me it’s going to be okay.”
“No,” I say quickly. “Because I promised you, I’d never lie, and I meant it.”
“Thanks for nothing.” He laughs.
I give him a shrug. “I’ll send you a red rope…”
He bursts out laughing. “Something tells me that’s not going to make her like me any more.”
“Probably not, but it will be fun.” I wink.
“Wait, the ropes are red?” Ash starts firing off so many questions my head spins. I lock eyes with Izzy across the way as she finishes her wine, then starts to stand. “What the hell are you doing to her?”
“Where are you going?” Junior asks.
“Let King explain,” I say, making my way toward Izzy with my hand out.
She reaches for it as we disappear into my house and take a detour toward the sparring ring, past the workout rooms, and into the one my dad introduced me to when I was a teen.
I close the door.
She looks around and smiles. There are a few bars hanging above with ropes already descending along with a bar, flat-screen, mirrors, and a ladder.
It’s also my mom’s yoga trapeze studio on one side, so tons of different colored pieces of fabric hang from the ceiling.
I feel like it’s finally my turn with Izzy.
I feel like myself.
I look in the mirror briefly and realize that no matter how many times I black out, scare myself, and wake up scared—she’ll always be here, and I’ll always be me—loved unconditionally by a woman I’ll never deserve.
She walks up behind me, wraps her arms around me, and smiles at me through the mirror. Hair long hair is in two braids; she’s wearing a black crop top and matching joggers.
She has little to no makeup on, and she’s stolen another one of my plaid shirts and wrapped it around her waist.
She says it smells like me.
I just want to smell like her.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Always.” She hugs me back, resting her face against my shoulder. “Now show me your ropes, Maksim… I want to see the knots that represent you.”