She smacks me on the arse.
“What? You don’t like a midnight snack?”
Her head lolls and she glances at the clock on my bedside table. “It’s past midnight.”
“Oh. Early early morning snack, then.”
“Are you calling me a snack?”
“Your pussy, yeah.”
“That’s kind of…gross. But I also kind of like it.” She laughs.
What can I say? Sometimes my vocabulary is a bit plebian even for myself.
Eventually I move off of her—this girl who is my roommate, now my lover, always my friend—and give her leave to hit the loo so she can rinse off or whatever it is girls do after they’ve had sex.
It doesn’t take her long; she’s hopping back into bed, under my covers within moments, snuggling onto her side with a content sigh.
Closes her eyes.
Sleeps.
And after a long while—after staring up at the ceiling for a good hour, a million things going through my brain—I’m able to sleep, too.
Twenty
Eliza
Jack and I had sex.
I had sex with Jack.
Who started it? And does it matter?
I did.
I came on to him; he was minding his business in bed, I busted in like a troll because I’m terrified of storms, and to make it all go away, I seduced him.
Let’s not fool ourselves—you didn’t seduce him because of the storm. You seduced him because you wanted to have sex with him, have since the first time he kissed you, haven’t been able to get it off your mind since the second time in the kitchen.
He turns me on.
I turn him on.
We’re friends.
Friends with benefits? God I hope not. That is not how I want this relationship to go, or end.
Sex can ruin everything, but I don’t know where I stand with him.
Shit.
We’re going to have to have yet ANOTHER talk.
Ugh.
“Do you have a second?”
Startled by the new voice—not the one dialoging inside my head—I’m caught off guard and I look up, seated at a chair in the student union, tray of food in front of me and textbook open, highlighter poised.
For once in my life, I’m studying and not doodling.
Daydreaming and doodling.
It’s Kaylee, and now I legitimately want to toss my cookies.
“Sure.”
I close the textbook and fold my hands to give her my full attention, shocked she’s here but schooling my expression. I could go on the road and play professional poker, the neutral set of my face as pleasant as they come.
Inside, though? I’m a wreck.
My stomach rolls nervously.
What does she want?
It hasn’t been long since we’ve spoken—broken up, really, when we bumped into one another on campus and awkwardly argued.
Kaylee continues to stand in front of my table, and it’s obvious she is not sure what to do with herself, or her hands, which she eventually stuffs inside the pocket of her hoodie. She shifts on the balls of her feet.
“I’m glad I ran into you because I wanted to tell you I’m sorry I acted the way I did. It was immature.” She pauses. “Lilly kind of filled me in on the conversation you had and told me how sweet you were about Kyle and said you were the one who told her to call him so…that was nice of you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Lilly is my friend.” Why wouldn’t I give her good advice? Did they expect me to sabotage her? Or not be sympathetic?
“I know, but still.”
But still.
I hate when people say that. But still?
“I’d never purposefully do anything to hurt either of you. I wouldn’t have given her bad advice just because I’m not living at the house anymore.”
“Yeah, about that…” Kaylee shifts on her heels, almost uncomfortably. “We don’t have anyone new living with us yet.”
I nod along because I don’t know what to say in reply to that. I wouldn’t have expected them to have found a new roommate so easily; it’s only been what, a few weeks or so since I got the boot?
“I forgive you for the thing with Jack,” she announces, and if I do say so myself, she’s sounding a bit high and mighty.
“You forgive me?” I pause. “For what exactly?”
I lean back in my seat, crossing my arms and settling in. This ought to be good.
“For flirting with him and whatever while I was pursuing him. I’ve thought about it and like, he’s so charismatic it would have been impossible for you not to like him. So I forgive you. You’re both into nerdy stuff and have a ton in common.”
That’s true. We do have a lot in common. “Thanks?”
Should I be offended she called Jack and me both nerdy?
“You’re welcome.” She sighs before continuing. “You were right, I didn’t actually like him. I liked him at first, before he started blowing me off and ignoring me—which I totally did not deserve.”
“Nope, you didn’t.”
But she’s on a roll and barely listening to me. “And I liked the idea of him. He’s so big, and tall and cute. Seriously so good-looking.”