“Ellie, go home,” I told her. I forced myself not to get up. I had to make Ellison see that I’d ruined everything. There was no “us” left, no plans for our future. There was only Elle and her freedom, moving on with her life.
Forgetting me.
She’d been crying. Her face was puffy and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot.
I never wanted to make her cry or be the source of her pain. I’d hated my dad for making my mother cry and now here I was, following in his footsteps. This wasn’t what she signed up for and I never should have gotten involved with her. I loved one girl in my entire life and now I was dragging her down.
“Hey,” she whispered, after the warden stepped away.
“Hey,” I nodded my chin at her. “You didn’t need to come.”
“How can you say that?” she asked me, her voice close to breaking.
I watched as she twisted her fingers nervously, her eyes cast down as she swayed from left to right. “You’re going to reject me because you think I can’t handle this?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I said dryly. I had to push her away, it was the only way I knew how to save her.
She pulled the metal chair closer and it scraped across the cement floor making the hair on my arms rise.
“What happened to forever, Calvin?”
“My dad fucked it up. I walked in on him beating my mom so I decided to stop it. Once and for all.”
“He’s dead?” she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders, sure she already knew the answer to that question. “If that’s what the papers are saying.”
“You don’t deserve to go to jail for saving your mom’s life.”
“Well, it looks like that’s what's gonna happen according to your dad. I could have stepped away. I could have stopped before it killed him. You should forget about me.”
“What?” Ellison looked disgusted.
I deserved that look and a million more like it. I was disgusted. A murderer. Reprehensible.
“Life in prison probably isn’t what you’re looking for in a husband, Elle.”
She leaned in and her eyes narrowed like she was angry. Ellison pointed a finger at me. “You don’t know that yet, Calvin. You might be exonerated and life could go right back to how it was before.”
I yawned. “Doubtful.”
“I’ll wait.”
“I don’t want you to. You still have a life to live and mine is over.”
“Don’t say that. It was self-defense.”
“It doesn’t matter. The truth remains that I’m gonna get locked up and I don’t want you wasting the best years of your life.”
“So that’s it? You decide what’s best for me and I don’t even have a say?”
“Basically.”
I watched as a few lonely tears fell down her cheeks, and I’d never forgive myself for hurting her like this. But prolonging would only make it worse. I had to put an end to us before the heartbreak was too much. Ellison didn’t need any more loss in her life. I had to cut the cord and make her hate me for doing it.
“It’s over Elle. Just forget about me and leave.”
She deserved better, so much better than I could give her, and there was no way I was going to let Ellison ruin her life for me while I was serving time. It wasn’t fair, but life had never been fair.
“But I love you, Calvin,” she told me. Elle stood and put her hands on the bars while I laid back down on the cot trying my best to ignore her.
“Love isn’t always enough.”
Chapter 29
ELLISON
“Ellison, you have to eat. Even if you’re not hungry, eat to stay healthy. You need to keep your body sound even if you feel like your mind and emotions are not,” my mom said.
I stared at the yellow sauce sliding down the side of my poached eggs and my stomach flipped. Usually, I loved eggs Benedict and mom had made it special for me. But I couldn’t even bring myself to get a bite to my lips. I was afraid I’d puke at the breakfast table.
Dad watched me with his eagle-eye like I was a suspect, monitoring everything I did, every bite I took. I knew they were worried about me. I knew they wanted what’s best for me.
A loud car honk sounded outside and I bolted upright, almost upsetting my orange juice. It’s my first day back at school since the incident. I had to brave the lion’s den alone, without Calvin by my side, for the very first time.
“Who’s picking you up, Ellie? I told you I would drive,” dad said. He was already at the window, pulling back the curtains, inspecting my ride with suspicion.
“Fox Montgomery,” I said, grabbing my backpack. I nearly puked the few morsels I ate onto the kitchen linoleum.
My dad slammed his fist into the wall and both me and my mother started in surprise. Dad yelled sometimes, but he was never violent, at least not in front of us.