I knew from a young age that I would never be like him, but it was hard to escape your fate when everyone expected you to follow the path of the so-called family business. My brother was too scared to break away, being the oldest, there was more pressure on him to follow in my dad’s footsteps. But I knew he wanted more out of life than just the club, too.
Tristan was so talented when he played the piano, a practically self-taught virtuoso who had an incredible ear. When he played, it was like his soul would pour out. He should have been playing at Carnegie Hall not doing drug runs for my dad, but my father was never going to let go of him. He was the one that gave him the road name Fox, since he made runs for our dad when he was still in elementary school. He said that his boy could get in and out of any hole that was dug, just like a fox. Dear ol dad even refused to call him by anything other name and being the oldest, my brother wanted to make our dad happy. Tristan thought that if he could be the heir dad was training him to be, maybe he would be the dad he was supposed to be.
When we were kids, my mother and father would sit in the living room and watch us play our little live concerts. Tristan on piano, and I would play my guitar. The best part of those living-room shows was watching my mother’s eyes light up with so much love and joy for her boys. Those moments were what made me want more out of life. But I could see the truth that Tristan never did, Dad was playing a role, just like he did in this neighborhood. Soon Tristan was gone and all that was left was Fox. Still my brother, but also the heir our dad expected.
I wanted people to hear me play and feel joy, not the fear that my father’s presence instilled in those close to him. I’d rather die than join the family business.
“Calvin, I need you to come over there with me.” My mother’s voice sounded weak and desperation laced through her words. I looked at her and nodded. I never liked seeing my mother unhappy.
“Let’s go meet the neighbors!”
Once outside, we walked across the street, and suddenly, I was overcome by the feeling that this was the worst idea on the planet. Although the majority of the houses on this street looked nice and respectable, this one in particular suddenly seemed foreboding in its perfection. Perfect, clean, normal—the epitome of the status quo. I was acutely aware of how we looked, like bikers trying to play house.
I was sure the new people who moved in were cookie-cutter, too, two loving parents, 1.5 kids, and family dinners every night at six o’clock sharp in the evening.
Nothing like the life I lived, that was a given. A violent father, a scared silent mother, a brother who was throwing his future down the drain to appease a piece of shit dad who didn’t value him for who he was. My parents thought of us as legacies, not human beings, and that was the problem.
Our house in the neighborhood was a front. Our real lives were behind the MC doors, where sex, drugs, and hogs ruled.
As I stood on the front steps waiting for someone to open the door, I couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to belong to a perfect family and live in a normal household like this. Honey, I’m home! Dad would kiss mom on the cheek and hang up his hat. Then he’d ruffle our hair and be proud of the grades we achieved in school. But reality was a bitch, and a cold-hearted one at that. I was trapped in my life and there was no easy way out of it.
Chapter 2
ELLISON
The last three moving boxes in the kitchen were staring at me. I felt like telling them to unpack themselves, I didn’t want to be here anyway. The past few days had been a whirlwind and I didn’t even have time to think about missing my old school or friends. I had to admit, I liked the house, it was beautiful. It was also a relief to no longer share a room with the ghost of my big brother Adler anymore. I thought I’d miss the memories of him in our home so much, but instead, it felt a little lighter being in a new place where everything I touched didn’t hold some meaning or shared a moment with Adler.
Moving from a two-bedroom condo to a full-sized house had its advantages, the backyard alone seemed like something out of a movie, with its giant pool and hot tub. South Vale was more glamorous than what I was used to, so I worried about fitting in and making new friends.