“I used to live in Vegas,” I finally said, not meeting his gaze, just staring at my hands, because I knew if I looked at his face, I'd lose the courage to tell him any of this. “I never had a stable household. My father had a drug and gambling problem, one so bad he got in trouble with some pretty dangerous men.” I internally snorted at that thought. Henry seemed so harmless compared to Arlo. “A couple of months ago,” I said, softer this time, and I felt Arlo tense beneath my hands, “I was dragged out of bed in the middle of the night and taken to this man who my father owed.” I licked my lips, hating that any kind of weakness or fear came through my voice, but it pulled me back to that night.
Arlo lifted his hands and placed them over mine, not pulling them away from his chest, just holding me. He was giving me silent support to continue, I realized.
“My father, the piece of shit that he was, offered me to this man in exchange to clear his debt.” The dark sound that came from Arlo had me squeezing my eyes shut tight. I didn’t want his pity or anger. I just wanted to start over. I wanted to escape that. “My father offered up my virginity to wipe his slate clean.”
The air shifted around us, tensed as Arlo let those words really sink in. I did look up at him then, and the stormy, violent expression on his face almost had me taking a step back. But I knew he’d never hurt me. I knew that by the way he still kept my hands pressed to his chest, his thumbs stroking over them in a gentle, reassuring manner. I wasn’t about to go into all the disgusting things Leo would have done to me before selling me off to other sick fucks.
“But I was able to escape when we got back to my apartment. And so I ran… I ran to Desolation and became someone new.” I exhaled. “I don't know if I’ll ever be safe, not when I can’t see my father or his debtor letting me go.” I looked into Arlo’s eyes. “And that’s one of the reasons I’m telling you, because I want you to understand that my life comes with a lot of baggage, and the last thing I want is for you to deal with even more shit than what’s already happening.”
Arlo cupped my cheek and just stared at me for long seconds. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and sank into his embrace. “I’m sorry.”
I felt my brows pull low. “Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong.”
He kissed me again before pulling me into the hardness of his chest. I rested my cheek against his heart and listened to the steady beat as he ran his hand up and down my back. “I’m sorry you had to experience the darkness of what this world offers. I wish you never had to be part of that.” There was so much sincerity in his words that I felt the prickling of unshed tears in my eyes. “No one will ever hurt you. I’d never allow it, moy svet.”
I believed him. God help me but I believed him. That’s why I’d said anything about my past at all.
“What does that mean? I’ve heard you call me that a few times. Please don’t tell me it means I’m too much trouble.” I tried a teasing approach after such a heavy topic because I didn’t want to speak about the shitty past anymore. I wished I could rip all of it from my world and never have to worry about anything but enjoying this one life I had.
Arlo was silent for so long I wondered if he’d ever answer. But then he cupped my face and leaned in to kiss me almost sweetly against my lips. “It means ‘my light.’ That’s what you are to me, Galina. You’re my light in all the darkness that surrounds me.”
19
Galina
After confiding in Arlo this morning, the rest of the day had been filled with this weird energy. We worked out with more self-defense training, but the energy had just been off. Arlo seemed tense, a little distant, and it was clear he had something big on his mind. I didn't want to think it was about what I’d told him. I didn’t want to obsess and worry that I’d pushed him away with what was following me, no matter what he said or what endearments he called me.
He’d taken me back to his apartment after we finished training, where he told me to relax until dinner but that he had business to take care of and would be back later. He left with another kiss to my forehead before leaving me standing in the foyer, staring at a closed door and having the horrible feeling that I’d pushed away the first man I’d fallen for.