“Trent!” she yells. She never yells.
I halt. Maybe even cease breathing altogether. My pulse thrums against my neck, the long run catching up with me in one fell swoop. I wait for her to finish.
“Your father is dead.”
1
Payton
* * *
My flip-flops slap the pavement with my quick steps. Not a good choice for footwear, but I was running late this morning, and they were still out from the weekend beach trip.
Lucky for me, it’s only a few blocks to school.
It’s the reason Ronald picked it for me to rent. That and its beauty were the deciding factors when we signed the lease.
Four years ago.
Most freshmen at Ludlow University lived in the dorms the first year of school, but not me. My sister’s boyfriend at the time, Ronald, would never allow that. He insisted on renting me the perfect house.
Erin’s dating history could fill a yearbook. Jocks, goths, rockers. She’d done them all, shuffling through men faster than a deck of cards. But with Ronald, it lasted longer than most. They were together for what seems like forever. About nine years. Until something happened and, like the rest, he was gone.
I still love him like my own brother. Father, actually. He’s way older than Erin, who’s way older than me. Unlike the few before him, he has his shit together and has always been good to me, which is why I humored him and let him rent this palace.
Because that’s what it is.
A beautiful home close enough to the school that my commute never impedes my studies. Something I’m grateful for given the heavy coursework in business.
I never want to go back to the way my life was before Ronald.
At the crosswalk, I palm my phone, type out a message, then delete it. My teeth sink into my bottom lip. I stop when I realize I’m pacing. Erin is an adult. Thirteen years older than me. I shouldn’t be worried about her, but ever since Ronald cut her off, she’s been needier than usual.
The air is warmer than I expected for this time of year.
Despite being fall, it still smells of summer. Of barbecues and freshly cut grass. New Yorkers are trying to squeeze the most out of the lingering weather. That will change soon. To cold air, burning leaves, and roasted nuts that will invade my nostrils on my walk to school.
The light signals me to walk. I do, forcing myself to shove my phone back into my pocket and readjusting my jean jacket around the crook of my elbow. I need to forget about my sister. Erin can take care of herself.
I graduate at the end of spring. That’s over nine months away. With the way the past few years have kicked my ass, it may as well be a decade.
I can already envision this school year. More sleepless nights on the phone with Erin. She’ll be frantic like she always is now that money has gotten tight. She’ll ask me what she’s going to do. I’ll tell her it’s going to be okay, but she won’t believe me.
It’s the same call each night, followed by a cram session of homework and studying I pushed aside to calm Erin.
And every morning, I wake up and do it again.
Assuming I sleep. Lately, I don’t.
My life boils down to two things—Erin and school. In that order. Unlike my sister, once I get my degree, I’ll get a job and support myself.
I stop at the next crosswalk. The urge to baby my older sister wins over, so I pull out my phone again.
Me: Have you eaten? Are you okay? You should get some rest. Please take care of yourself.
The message stays in the text box, unsent. I’m not supposed to encourage this level of codependency. Not with me, and not with Ronald.
It’s not that I don’t love him, but it’s painfully obvious Erin can’t live without him. Or his money.
Regardless of what drove them apart, he’s always done right by me, and the truth is, he deserves better than her. She used him for his money. For his status. For his safety net.
Without him, she is hanging by a thread and so close to snapping. I used to feel like she was the baby of the family, and I replaced her not only as the older sister, but also as her mom. Like I was raising her.
Then Ronald happened.
That’s when her fairy tale started. He moved us out of the small home we shared and into a beautiful mansion on the water.
When I was old enough, he sent me to school, bought me a car, and rented me a house.
Everything was perfect.
Until he left.
Erin is back to being a wreck now.
From the little I gathered from her, he stopped paying her bills. Odd, since mine are still being paid. She won’t tell me what happened between them or where he went. All she said is he was gone. Her exact words were, “That asshole left us. If you really didn’t do anything wrong with him, something to convince him to pay for you instead of me, you’ll respect me and not hit him up. ’Kay, Payton?”