For the first time Vivi Ann wondered if Aurora wore all that makeup as camouflage, to hide the unhappiness of a dull marriage. “But there are better things, too. Is that what you’re saying?” As she said it, she couldn’t help glancing up at the hill, at that yellow dot.
“Are you sure you want to marry Luke?” Winona said. “If you don’t, it’s okay. Just admit it.”
Vivi Ann forced a smile. How could she admit what she didn’t know? It was insane to want Dallas the way she did. There was no way it would last. She’d just have to quit thinking about him. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. Marriage is such a big deal.”
Winona was watching closely, like a hunting dog on point. She didn’t look convinced. Had she seen Vivi Ann’s involuntary glance at the cabin?
But Aurora said, “That’s only natural,” and the conversation landed safely.
“Well, I’m beat,” Vivi Ann said. “Thanks for the help today.” She hugged each of her sisters, then walked them to their cars and watched them drive away. When they were gone, she went inside the house. At her bedroom window, she looked at the small yellow light burning in the trees. He was up there. Waiting.
“I just won’t go,” she said as she got ready for bed.
Chapter Eight
Throughout the rest of June, Vivi Ann woke at dawn and made breakfast for three, leaving the meal on the table. Every day she mumbled excuses to her father about why she couldn’t stay for the meal. Instead, she focused all her efforts on running Water’s Edge, and the ranch was becoming more successful than she could have imagined. All of the stalls were full now, and there was a waiting list. Vivi Ann’s classes and clinics were full, too, as were Dallas’s. For the first time in her father’s life, he was shoeing horses only when he felt like it. The rest of the time he spent working on the ranch, doing things that had been overlooked for years—like painting the fences and repairing the dock.
Vivi Ann should have been on top of the world, and in many ways she was. She felt stronger these days, more sure of herself. The only problem was Dallas.
Whenever she saw him, or thought of him, she mentally repeated her vow: I won’t go to him. She used these words as a talisman. When she saw Dallas out by the fence, wearing a sweat-dampened T-shirt, hammering a new nail in place, and then looking up suddenly, smiling at her—
I won’t go to him.
Or when he paused in mucking out a stall and rested a tattooed bicep on the pitchfork’s handle, staring at her—
I won’t.
It had taken a toll on her, all that concentrated avoidance. More than once in the past month she’d had to make excuses for her odd behavior. Several times she’d told Luke and her sisters that she felt sick, and, in the way of lies, it had become the truth. By mid-July, a headache had taken up permanent residence in her left temple, and longing had tightened her chest until sometimes she could barely breathe. No matter what she told herself or how fast she moved during the day, her desire for Dallas remained, growing along with her guilt.
She was a wreck. She expected her sisters to comment on her uncharacteristic silences, but they didn’t seem to notice. Now the family was gathered in the living room on a Saturday night, waiting for Richard to show up so they could go to the Silverdale Fairgrounds. Tonight was the last night of the county rodeo, and for the first time in years, Vivi Ann hadn’t entered. She was simply too busy to barrel-race anymore.
“What do you think of that, Vivi Ann? Vivi?”
She looked up, realizing too late that she hadn’t been paying attention and everyone was looking at her.
“Do you feel okay?” Aurora asked.
“I’ve got a headache,” Vivi Ann answered, rubbing her temple.
“Do you want some aspirin?”
“No, thanks.”
“Maybe you should bag the rodeo,” Winona said, watching her. Lately Winona was always watching her. “It’ll be a late night and you don’t want to miss church in the morning.”
“But Luke is supposed to meet her there,” Aurora said.
That did it. She couldn’t handle seeing her fiancé. It was becoming harder and harder to be with him. Every quietly respectful kiss made her want something more. Someone else. She couldn’t stand how guilty she felt every time he told her he loved her.
“Winona is right,” Vivi Ann said. “The last thing I need tonight is to stay out late. Maybe some sleep will help. You all better go on without me. Tell Luke I didn’t feel well.”
“You sure?” was Dad’s contribution to the conversation. It wasn’t much, just two words that reminded her the Grey family always went to the Silverdale rodeo together. Another thing she couldn’t make herself care about lately. “I’m sure.”
And with her father’s nod, it was over.
When Richard finally arrived, Vivi Ann walked them all out to his huge Suburban and said goodbye. Back in the house, she poured herself a glass of wine and ran a nice, hot bath.
She stretched out in the claw-foot tub and leaned back against the slick porcelain. The sweet scent of lavender drifted up from the water. One by one, the muscles in her body relaxed, until she felt completely languid. By nightfall, she’d had a few glasses of wine and the headache was gone. Best of all, she hadn’t allowed her mind to drift toward Dallas at all.