Neal got up and followed Elena to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna she had made was enticing, but he had no appetite. He went to the sofa, and sank down into it. Elena abandoned her attempts to make him eat something and joined him on the sofa.
“I don’t know how to get rid of all this,” Neal said, clawing at his chest.
Elena understood.
“You have a lot to deal with right now,” she told him calmly, “but you will find your way.”
“How can you be so sure?” he asked in confusion.
“Because your brother is not the only survivor,” Elena said, “you are too.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I never just say anything,” Elena insisted. “You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Neal.”
“My father didn’t believe that.”
“Your father didn’t really know you,” Elena said, laying a kiss on his cheek.
“You didn’t believe that either, when we first met,” Neal reminded her.
“I didn’t really know you then.” she smiled at him.
Neal looked at her warm, dark brown eyes; they were kind and compassionate, and he felt that inexplicable need to be with her. To wrap himself around her so that he lost all semblance of where he ended or she began.
“I always feel so lost, Elena,” he spoke softly against her neck, “… except when I’m with you.”
He felt her tense a little at his declaration, but she didn’t let go of him. He lifted his head and found her eyes. They were intense, thoughtful, scared. He couldn't hold himself back any longer, and in a moment of surrender, he leaned in and kissed her dark lips softly. She didn’t return the kiss at first, but then slowly she began to relax into him.
He felt her body respond. Pregnancy had changed Elena a little. She was more conscious of herself, more aware of her body, and yet, she felt more feminine; more powerful, as if somehow the child inside her had reminded her of her inner strength.
Both Neal and Elena heard a strange, unfamiliar sound in the background, but neither one looked up to check. They were too deeply absorbed in each other. Neal lay down flat, pulling Elena on top of him. Her body seemed to come alive under his touch. He was gentle at first, but when his desire overpowered reason, he hands became rough and he grasped at her. His body hardened with need and her body yearned for him desperately as she felt his erection pressing against her. His hands moved beneath her clothes, pul
ling them away from her, and he pushed his off him as well. His hands moved over her, clinging to her, bringing her breasts to his warm mouth, and spreading her thighs apart. Elena gasped as he thrust himself into her passionately, and she clutched at his chest.
“I’m sorry,” Neal said breathlessly, “does this hurt?”
“No…” Elena replied, closing her eyes. “Don’t worry. It feels so good.” She sighed as he moved in her, making her moan and cling to him. Their momentum built and all the desire that they had held back from each other was unleashed, overwhelming them both with ecstasy and pleasure until they trembled in each other's arms with release.
This time, it was different for both of them. The act of making love was not a necessity born out of the desire to become pregnant. There was no end goal but their own desire; their own need for one another. They were together because they chose to be. There was no driving force except for their own passion.
Afterwards, they lay together on the couch. Neal placed a kiss on Elena’s forehead, wondering if he should say something. Elena beat him to it.
“What are we doing, Neal?” she said. “Apart from making everything harder for ourselves.”
“Why should it have to be hard, though?” Neal asked, clutching desperately at some way he could save his company and still have Elena. “I want to be with you.” He whispered the truth to her finally.
Her heart clenched and Elena had to admit that she dreamed about hearing Neal say those words to her, but now that she was hearing them, all she could think about was how it would never work out. There were too many lies, too many deceptions for them to ever have a true relationship.
They would have a child together that they could never claim. They would have to perpetuate those lies to their child. Elena knew that complicating their lives by attempting to keep the happiness they had found with each other, would only end up destroying it in the end.
“I…” Elena paused briefly, steeling herself for what she had to say. “What we have is not real, Neal. It can never be real as long your brother remains the father of my baby.”
Neal knew she was right, but he tried to talk over her.
“No,” Elena said firmly, “listen to me. We have to be practical about this. As far as the world is concerned, I am your brother’s grieving girlfriend. I’m pregnant with his child. Even if we wanted to be together now, it would have to be in secret, until a suitable amount of time has passed.”
Elena looked down, it was too hard to look at those hazel eyes that were watching her pleadingly.