‘I...I’ve been trying to find you. I sent investigators to search for you. They found you, finally, where you were staying—and they saw you there. I only just got their findings now—when I landed at Heathrow. I’ve been in Hong Kong. There was a typhoon.’
His jerky, staccato words ground to a halt.
‘I’ve been trying to find you,’ he said again.
It was, he knew, the only thing he had to say to her. Nothing else mattered—nothing at all.
Except that I’ve found her. That she’s alive, that she carries my child!
Emotion flooded through him.
Our child—she bears our child.
Wonder and gratitude soared in him. He felt weak with it.
She was staring at him.
‘You were trying to find me?’ Her voice was faint.
‘Yes! Mel—Mel, I—’
But she cut across him. ‘Oh, dear God, I wish with all my heart you hadn’t. I wish you’d never found me.’ Her face buckled. ‘Never found me and never found out about the baby.’
Her voice was anguished. Inside her that same impossible conflict of emotions was still warring, tearing her apart.
Oh, dear God, what a mess this is—what an unholy, impossible mess!
She felt again that stabbing wound, the lashing blow that she’d felt when she’d heard the full import of his words—the cruel accusation he’d hurled at her that had made her want to run, to flee straight into the path of the car that had nearly killed her—nearly killed her baby.
Nikos’s baby—that I didn’t want him to know about— Because if he did...
‘I never meant to involve you in this, Nikos,’ she said, her voice twisted, her eyes pleading.
He was staring at her again. ‘What do you mean, “involve” me? Mel, this is our child. Our baby!’
How could she talk like this? Say she hadn’t wanted him to know?
Words she had said earlier now registered with him—something about going to Spain, taking a flight that day...
The cold snaked down his spine again.
Had he not sent his investigators to find her she would have disappeared again.
And I’d never have known—never have known she was carrying my baby—our baby!
Fear at what had so very nearly happened gouged at him.
She was answering him—her voice low, strained.
‘It doesn’t have to be, Nikos. It can just be my baby. That’s why I went to that pregnancy charity—I needed someone to talk to about not telling you about the baby. She...she helped me make my mind up. And then she went through the practicalities of raising a child single-handed, without paternal involvement, taking all the responsibility on myself.’
‘Thee mou—why? Why? Why even think like that?’ The words broke from him.
She didn’t answer—couldn’t. Could only press her hand against her abdomen again, feeling...needing the reassurance that her baby was safe—safe. The baby she would raise on her own, as she had come to realise she must. Because anything else was...impossible. Just impossible...
She felt her throat tighten. To see Nikos again—here...so real—but for him to be as far away from her as he could be...
He saw the emotion on her face. Realised what it must mean. She hadn’t wanted him to know she was pregnant because she didn’t want him involved.
Didn’t want him in her life.
After all his hopes...all the hopes that had soared within him as he’d stood in his office in Athens...when he’d realised that he and Mel were nothing, nothing like his parents. That what they had between them could never descend into the bitter farce that was his parents’ marriage.
But now his hopes were ashes in his mouth. Heaviness filled him.
She wants her freedom—the freedom she’s craved for so long—the freedom she left me for and still wants.
The freedom he could not take from her—must not take from her.
Not even for the sake of the child she carried—their child. The child she wanted to raise on her own—free of him.
He sought for what he must say now. Letting go of his hopes...letting them fall to the ground, dashed to pieces...
‘You must have known...’ he said, and his voice was hollow, but so, so careful. ‘You must have known that I would...stand by you, Mel.’
He was picking his words with infinite care. All that she had said to him while they’d been together, about how precious her newly gained life of freedom was to her, came back to him like blows.
It was why she left me—to safeguard her freedom. Why she walked out on me when I wanted more of her than she wanted to give.
He would let her keep that freedom—he must. He would not try to chain her to his side in a life she did not want. If she wanted to raise their child herself he must let her—he must.